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I Recently Watched "13 Going On 30" As An Adult And It Left Me Very Confused

"That's because I have these incredible boobs to fill it out!"

I want to preface this piece by saying that I absolutely love 13 Going on 30 and that this is in no way a shady post. It's one of the timeless rom-coms of the early 2000s, and for that, I am forever indebted. But recently in one of my late-night movie binges, I watched the movie again and realized that I've got some questions.

For people like me, it not only gave us comedy and a peek into the lives of some of New York's fashion elite, but also made every girl question if her guy best friend really was the ONE. Well, not me, but others.If you haven't seen the movie (I'm judging you) here's a quick recap: Jenna Rink is a 13-year-old teenager who wants to fit in with the cool kids at her school and skip the awkward stages of puberty by just diving head-on into adulthood. During a mildly mortifying scene at her 13th birthday party, Jenna locks herself in the closet and makes a wish to be 30. Due to wishing dust that falls on her, she wakes up the next morning a grown woman. She's got it all: The bod, the apartment, the fab clothes, the seemingly-perfect job, the sexy boy toy, and everything else. Soon she realizes that materialistic things don't bring happiness and that the things she took advantage of are the things worth holding onto. True rom-com, right?
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For people like me, it not only gave us comedy and a peek into the lives of some of New York's fashion elite, but also made every girl question if her guy best friend really was the ONE. Well, not me, but others.

If you haven't seen the movie (I'm judging you) here's a quick recap: Jenna Rink is a 13-year-old teenager who wants to fit in with the cool kids at her school and skip the awkward stages of puberty by just diving head-on into adulthood. During a mildly mortifying scene at her 13th birthday party, Jenna locks herself in the closet and makes a wish to be 30. Due to wishing dust that falls on her, she wakes up the next morning a grown woman. She's got it all: The bod, the apartment, the fab clothes, the seemingly-perfect job, the sexy boy toy, and everything else. Soon she realizes that materialistic things don't bring happiness and that the things she took advantage of are the things worth holding onto. True rom-com, right?

1. First of all, how was 13-year-old Matt so good at carpentry?

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In the movie, Jenna's best friend Matt builds her a customized dollhouse for her 13th birthday. Is carpentry a random hobby for a 13-year-old to have? How did he learn how to use those sharp tools without parental supervision? I don't understand how at 13, Matt was making better homes than most of the architects on HGTV.

2. Also, where does one get wishing dust from?

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Given the fact that everything else in this movie is realistic, it's weird that wishing dust magically falls from Matt's dollhouse and gets things on and poppin'. My first thought is, well, where does one get wishing dust from? It's not in a catalog, or a box subscription on Amazon, so where does Matt find it? Obviously he's a wizard. And then my next thought was, so...nobody is going to address that this s*** actually works?! Do y'all know how many wishes I would have made, just throwing glittery dust everywhere to grant my wishes?! Seems selfish that Matt never addresses where we can get it, to be completely honest.

3. Jenna's constant complaining made me wonder if we were all that annoying at 13. I know that's not a question, but still.

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She tells Matt, "I don't want to be original Matty, I want to be cool," and I kid you not, my stomach churned at the thought of teenage angst and all those crazy hormones that flowed through our bodies. Like, Jenna, calm down boo. There was literally nothing cool about any of those girls, and that awkward side-ponytail action gave me hives.

4. Why did Jenna think running down the street in silk lingerie was the best solution to her major freakout?

When Jenna has her momentary freakout (which is understandable when you literally were 13 yesterday and now you're 30), she panics and runs off into the street. In the movie, everyone just smiled and went on about their day while Jenna was having a complete meltdown, and even though New Yorkers see a bunch of wild stuff everyday, it seems like panicking while in a silk NIGHTGOWN would have been a giveaway that something was wrong. Also, I don't understand why that felt like an appropriate response on her part, but hey, c'est la vie.
Columbia Pictures

When Jenna has her momentary freakout (which is understandable when you literally were 13 yesterday and now you're 30), she panics and runs off into the street. In the movie, everyone just smiled and went on about their day while Jenna was having a complete meltdown, and even though New Yorkers see a bunch of wild stuff everyday, it seems like panicking while in a silk NIGHTGOWN would have been a giveaway that something was wrong. Also, I don't understand why that felt like an appropriate response on her part, but hey, c'est la vie.

5. Why didn't anyone express serious concern when Jenna just woke up one day and didn't remember anything from the age of 13?

Far be it from me to give a clinical diagnosis, but did nobody think to take her to the doctor to see if she was suffering from amnesia, or perhaps a concussion to the head, or something along medical lines? I just feel like if I woke up at 30 and didn't remember anything after 13-years-old, I'd want my friends to get me help. IMMEDIATELY.
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Far be it from me to give a clinical diagnosis, but did nobody think to take her to the doctor to see if she was suffering from amnesia, or perhaps a concussion to the head, or something along medical lines? I just feel like if I woke up at 30 and didn't remember anything after 13-years-old, I'd want my friends to get me help. IMMEDIATELY.

6. And speaking of 13-year-olds, no parents questioned why a grown woman was hanging out with teenagers?

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In the elevator scene, Jenna meets her neighbor Becky and later invites her and her friends over for a sleepover. While WE know that Jenna is a teenager at heart, nobody's parents in the movie knew that. Y'all just letting your 13-year-old children go to a 30-year-old's house for a sleepover?

7. How is everyone in New York living in freakin' lofts and not breaking a sweat?!

I am tired of being lied to by the masterminds behind Friends, 13 Going on 30, and Sex and the City. Realistically, there is no way Jenna's salary as an editor for a women's lifestyle magazine would have been enough to afford a studio apartment on Fifth Avenue. With this massive closet? AND daily car service? NO WAY.
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I am tired of being lied to by the masterminds behind Friends, 13 Going on 30, and Sex and the City. Realistically, there is no way Jenna's salary as an editor for a women's lifestyle magazine would have been enough to afford a studio apartment on Fifth Avenue. With this massive closet? AND daily car service? NO WAY.

8. How does a socially awkward 13-year-old just know how to order an apple martini?

I STILL haven't ordered an apple martini and I've lived in NYC for a few years. It feels like apple martinis are the drink of a New York 30-year-old socialite, and I just want to know when that became a thing and how Jenna knew it was a thing.
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I STILL haven't ordered an apple martini and I've lived in NYC for a few years. It feels like apple martinis are the drink of a New York 30-year-old socialite, and I just want to know when that became a thing and how Jenna knew it was a thing.

9. Who was the random kid sitting by himself in the restaurant, and why was nobody weirded out by Jenna hitting on him?!

Stranger danger, stranger danger, stranger danger. If nobody else planned to note how incredibly weird that was, you'd think at least Lucy would have been like, "Girl, what are you doing?"
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Stranger danger, stranger danger, stranger danger. If nobody else planned to note how incredibly weird that was, you'd think at least Lucy would have been like, "Girl, what are you doing?"

10. Why was "Ice Ice Baby" the song of choice for a strip session?

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This one I had a real problem with because the mood is early '00s and there was definitely some good baby-making love music out there. Who gets sexy and sizzled to "Ice Ice Baby" of all songs? No Boyz II Men? Maxwell? Was Confessions out yet?

Also I'd like to address the names "Pookie" and "Sweet Bottom," but some fights are not worth having.

11. How the hell did everyone know the entire choreography to "Thriller"?

I have spent many, many nights playing the "Thriller" music video, trying to step alongside Michael Jackson, but there's no way y'all can convince me that everyone in a corporate work atmosphere knew the entire "Thriller" choreography. Also, did nobody else find it weird that one person got an entire room to break out in dance? That doesn't happen in real life, especially not to "Thriller."
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I have spent many, many nights playing the "Thriller" music video, trying to step alongside Michael Jackson, but there's no way y'all can convince me that everyone in a corporate work atmosphere knew the entire "Thriller" choreography. Also, did nobody else find it weird that one person got an entire room to break out in dance? That doesn't happen in real life, especially not to "Thriller."

12. This one is going to hurt many, and I'm sorry in advance: Was nobody going to tell Jenna that her ~innovative~ idea to save the magazine wasn't innovative at all?

What's up with rom-coms glamorizing the life of a magazine editor as if it's actually all glitz and glam?Heroic in thought, but if a mag is folding, it's been a process in the making, sweetheart. Sorry to disappoint, but one idea can't save an entire publication, especially when you realistically are looking at sales and marketing decisions long before what the people on editorial are doing.
Columbia Pictures

What's up with rom-coms glamorizing the life of a magazine editor as if it's actually all glitz and glam?

Heroic in thought, but if a mag is folding, it's been a process in the making, sweetheart. Sorry to disappoint, but one idea can't save an entire publication, especially when you realistically are looking at sales and marketing decisions long before what the people on editorial are doing.

13. And lastly, I know we enjoy a good love story, but did nobody else think it was totally fucked up how Jenna and Matt just left his fiancé Wendy hangin'?

Nobody likes to be a second thought and it was TOTALLY wrong for Matt to be all pro-Jenna at the end when he has a fiancé who has invested time, money, love, and whatever else New Yorkers give to their relationships. In some weird way, Jenna has become the adult bully — one that savagely steals her man back after pushing him away.
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Nobody likes to be a second thought and it was TOTALLY wrong for Matt to be all pro-Jenna at the end when he has a fiancé who has invested time, money, love, and whatever else New Yorkers give to their relationships. In some weird way, Jenna has become the adult bully — one that savagely steals her man back after pushing him away.

What do you guys think? What were some questions you had after watching the movie? Let me know in the comments below!

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