Remember being a kid and thinking your parents knew everything? Hell, your parents themselves might have bought into their own bullshit!
But as we get older, we start to realize that everything they told us...doesn't quite add up.
Recently, over in the r/AskReddit subreddit, user u/i_cant_have_dairy asked "What's something you were told as a child by adults, that you now realize is complete bullshit?" The responses ranged from funny and innocent, to "omg, how are any of us ok????"
1. "It's illegal to drive at night with the interior dome lights on."
"A couple months ago, I brought up to my mom in a conversation about lies every parent tells their kids, like, 'Haha, you got me good with that one, mom!'
She proceeded to earnestly insist that it was illegal. Come to find out, my grandpa had also lied to her about it when she was a kid, and she had passed the information along to me thinking it was genuinely true."
—u/_MaddAddam
2. "High school teachers: 'That stuff won't fly in college.' College: ✈️✈️✈️✈️"
3. "D.A.R.E. activities in primary school gave the impression that grownups would always be giving away narcotics for free. Lol."
4. "Cracking your fingers will give you arthritis."
—u/Haik11
5. "Masturbation is a sin; oral sex is perverted. Women can only receive pleasure from missionary."
—u/rosanymphae
"If you keep masturbating, you'll go blind."
—u/K333N4N
6. "If the ice cream truck is playing music, it is out of ice cream. I use it on my own kids now as well."
7. "Cheaters never prosper. *Looks around at mega corporations and points to the previous president* Really? Really?"
—u/kalekayn
"If you are honest, work hard, are virtuous, and treat people well, you will get ahead in life. It's bullshit...the people who get ahead in life are almost the exact opposite."
8. "Women can’t cut straight lines (especially in cheese and bread) because of their elbows. You can’t use tampons if you're a virgin. Children always have the exact same blood type as the father, and if it’s different, the mother cheated."
—u/VivatRegina
"I'm sorry, what?"
9. "You won't always have a calculator."
"That one was real ironic when I was in high school…and had a flip phone with a calculator, only got worse with time."
—u/jsc0098
"You’ll use these math problems in the real world."
10. "My mom told me I wasn’t legally able to buy energy drinks until I was 18."
11. "When I was little, my dad told me if I ate shrimp, I would grow a shrimp tail. He was joking, of course, but my 6-year-old self took it to heart, and I was terrified of shrimp until I was about 11 or 12."
—u/NotTheNacho
12. "Always trust the adults. Yeeaaah, no."
—u/Cleverbird
"Respect your elders. Not even because they've consistently shown respectable qualities, but just because they're older."
13. "It's a sin not to go to church every Sunday. 'Remember, God is watching you.'"
—u/Back2Bach
14. "You’ll want kids when you’re older. Sex before marriage will ruin you. Homosexuality is wrong. If you really want something, the best way to get it is pray really hard."
15. "Go to College, and you will get your dream job....."
"That a degree would open all the doors and knowing about politics, history, and general stuff would make me an interesting person and that socializing was a waste of time. Nowadays, I work for a Big Four company, but I have the personality of a boiled potato. And people have the nerve to ask why I don't have a girlfriend or more friends at 27. Teach your kids social skills. Studying is not everything."
—u/davidmt1995
16. "My mum used to say that you must not eat cakes until they are completely cooled down (the next day); otherwise, you’d get a bad stomach ache. This is more wholesome than scandalous, but it took me far too long to realize that it was utter nonsense, and she just didn’t want me to wolf down all the lovely warm cakes!"
17. "My mom told me that when I hiccup, I will grow taller."
—u/MeltedStones
18. "That good friends don’t lie for each other. Honestly, it’s just a lie spread by schools to make it easier to catch people breaking the rules."
—u/DandDnerd12
19. "That if I walked out into the road without holding an adult's hand, there were these microscopic bugs in the road that would shrink me, and I would be gone forever, trapped with the bugs. Yes, I actually believed that for quite a while..."
—u/madeirey67
20. "If you sit too close to the TV, you will go crosseyed."
—u/skraddleboop
21. "I don't think this is universal, but when I was a kid, my dad told me the panic button on key fobs made the car explode. When it seemed like I didn't believe him, he said it just blew the windows out and was really loud so if someone was following you, you could walk past your car and press the panic button to get them off you. He also told me that the soap dispenser by our sink was connected to the city dish soap reservoir."
22. "'You can be anything you want when you grow up.' That's not true. Some people just don't have what it takes to be a fighter pilot, doctor, or cop."
23. "If you eat a watermelon seed, the melon will grow in your stomach."
—u/dajjadaj
24. "Not to swallow gum because you'll fart bubbles. I'm also guilty of trying that one just for kicks."
—u/Cr00kedHalo
Did your parents tell you anything as a child that turned out to be absolutely false? Tell me about it in the comments!
Note: Some answers have been edited for length and/or clarity.