Once every generation, the fashion gods bless us mere mortals with a beacon of style; a supreme being bursting with grace and flair; a singular authority on over-accessorizing and making a STATEMENT.
Some might call them an icon, a star, a visionary, or trailblazer. I just call her Ashley Tisdale.
Oh, that I had the words to adequately describe this woman and her entirely unique visage. Though I might fail, I must try:
A- A+ style.
S- Sass.
H- Hawt. Haute. Hot.
L- Light in this world of darkness.
E- Example, shining.
Y- You better wear those jeans under that skirt!
T- Trendy.
I- Iconic.
S- Simply outrageous.
D- Dead-on every time, girl!
A- Ahead of her time.
L- Look at those clothes!
E- Everyone WISHES!!!!!!!
I try in vain to capture the whole of her beauty and importance using my lowly verbiage, so let these 30 images convey the stature of a woman who ruled 2000s fashion with a bedazzled fist.
1. Ashley came to this earth to teach us all a lesson in maximalism, and teach us she has.
2. Just when you think you've layered enough, Ash says, "One more piece."
3. Ashley can do anything a man can do. Wear pants? Pshtt, no problem. And she'll do it while wearing a dress.
4. Here's a hot tip: Buy jeans meant for a 7.5-ft.-tall woman so you can cuff them all the way up to your knees.
I bet before today you didn't realize that a Jem and the Holograms vintage tee paired perfectly with a silk blazer and sequin beanie hat. Don't you feel like an idiot?
5. Going out on the town? Don't forget to wear your most practical sweater and grab a full-ass duffle bag!
6. Did you think there was only one fur sash in Ashley's wardrobe? That would be preposterous!!!! Get your head out of your ass!!!!!
7. When I'm ready for bed, this is what I want to wear:
Don't get the pants ribbons yet? I FEEL EMBARRASSED FOR YOU!
8. Belts should always be at LEAST 1/4 of the size of your shorts, and vests should be so small you're not sure how they're staying on.
9. If you're wearing a dress, however, your belt should almost be under your crotch. Got it?
10. When in doubt, raid your auntie's closet and pick out something from that time she wanted to "be more like the short-haired lady in Mamma Mia!"
11. If your hair doesn't mimic your skirt, are you even doing fashion?
12. You might not know this, but Ann Taylor is a wonderful place for teen girls to pick up a couple of nice pieces.
13. A skirt? Basic. Jeans? Basic. A skirt over jeans? INSPIRED. AMAZING. GENRE DEFYING. TASTEFUL. BOUNDARY BREAKING.
Ashley is so incredible, she even made up a new chord on her piano purse.
14. Don't limit yourself to just denim under skirts. How about a nice pair of slacks underneath for the next time you have a formal event.
15. Don't be afraid of a giant, bedazzled guitar with wings that's literally so heavy it's pulling your dress down.
16. There's not a boot too high or a vest too short to keep Ashley from getting to fashion.
17. She may be dropping her waist, but she is never dropping the ball on being the best dressed!
18. Ashley is ready for any occasion. Game-ball sport? Ash has just the ensemble!
19. The average person wouldn't think, "Hmm...you know what this dress needs? Bare feet!" But Ashley is far from average.
20. Yeehaw, cowgirl! Put on your shiniest shrug and get on down to the rodeo!
21. Now, you might think lace on lace would be a no-no, but Ashley says yes-yes.
22. Honestly, if I had a pair of pants with a waistband that went all the way up to my norps, I'd be pretty jazzed.
23. Here's Ash laying the blueprint for Demi Lovato Knees.
24. Sometimes a girl feels most comfortable with brown leather covering up roughly 50% of her body.
25. Let's count the accessories here, shall we?
26. A.M.E.H.P. (Always make Ed Hardy proud.) Remember that, ladies!
27. Don't be afraid to leave people a little confused. Is it a shirt? Or, is it a dress? The world may never know! That's a little secret meant just for you!
28. Presented with no comment. Like, how could I even?
29. Going to a Golden Globes party? Why not wear something like this? That's what Ashley did!
30. And if you remember nothing else, remember this: "THOU SHALT SPEND!!!!!!" OK, girlie?
