19 Questions About British Children's TV That I've Never Found The Answer To

Raven walked so that Squid Game could run.

1. Why did adults ever agree to go on Get Your Own Back?

CBBC

This was the perfect show for children with a vendetta against their parents or teachers, but what was in it for the adults? They were clearly the villains of the show and they almost always ended up being dunked into a gunge-filled tank. God knows why these adults volunteered as tribute to be humiliated on national television – it could never be me. 

2. On Raven, what happened to the kids that failed the Way of the Warrior?

CBBC

The eliminated contestants disappeared and were never heard from again. But where did they go? Were they sent home? Were they killed off? Was it as traumatising for them as it was for us watching at home? I need answers! 

3. And while we’re at it, why were the contestants given bizarre medieval names?

CBBC

Imagine being hand-picked to go on Raven and being renamed Adluck, Eljam, or Intho for the duration of the show. What was so wrong with their real names anyway? 

4. Why was the policeman always singing and dancing instead of solving crime on Balamory?

CBeebies

Now I get that it’s a kid's show, but PC Plum was almost always having a sing-song or a boogie in the streets of Balamory. Surely he had more important things to do...

5. How on earth did Taj make £1 million just by selling ringtones on Kerching!?

CBBC

Taj’s life purpose was to make a million pounds for his mum – it was all very wholesome, but there is absolutely no way he would've been able to do that through the sales of ringtones alone. We love a rags to riches story but the math was simply not mathing. 

6. Could the makers of Big Cook Little Cook really not think of a more original name for Little Cook than ‘Small’?

CBeebies

They named Big Cook ‘Ben’ and Little Cook ‘Small’ which is just proof that sometimes life is really unfair. The poor guy already had his work cut out for him being just a few inches tall and he couldn't even get a cool nickname. You hate to see it. 

7. And why were they wearing vests in the kitchen?

CBeebies

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with serving a ~lewk~ while you’re cooking up a storm, but sweater vests just don’t scream chef attire to me. 

8. Was the hell was happening on Boohbah?

CITV

To this day, I still cannot make sense of this television show. It feels like a fever dream or a really bad acid trip but either way, I'm not sure it was suitable for children. 

9. Who came up with the names of the games on Dick & Dom in Da Bungalow, and how were they allowed to air on CBBC?

CBBC

Game names included 'What a Sweaty Flap', 'Creamy Muck Muck', 'Pumpy Rumpy', and 'Make Dick Sick' which really doesn’t feel appropriate for kids if you ask me. We all love an innuendo, but maybe not on a show aimed at nine-year-olds. 

10. Why was Neil obsessed with PVA glue on Art Attack?

CITV

Anyone who watched this top tier show knows that no matter what Neil was making, PVA glue was involved. Did PVA glue sponsor the show or something?

11. And why did the creepy talking head have an explicit message hidden in his hair?

CITV

Speaking of things that were inappropriate for children, who thought it was a good idea for the talking statue head to have ‘sex’ engraved into his hair?! This was meant to be a family friendly show. 

12. How did the Teletubbies stream videos through their tummies?

CBeebies

One of my favourite parts of this iconic show classic when the Teletubbies would play videos from their tummies. But how did they actually stream these clips? Did they have wifi in Teletubbyland? Or in-built 4G? Was someone hot-spotting them? And if so, who?! 

13. And why was there absolutely no reason or explanation for there being a baby in the sun?

CBeebies

No one questioned it at the time but let’s be honest, it’s a little strange that there was a baby-sun hybrid shining over Teletubbyland. 

14. On Bernard's Watch, why didn’t Bernard ever use his ability to stop time for more interesting things?

CITV

If I had a magical watch that could stop time, you better believe I’d wreak havoc or at the very least go on some wild adventures, not run errands or simply become a punctual person. What a wasted opportunity. 

15. How did the care home never get shut down on The Story of Tracy Beaker?

CBBC

Considering all the shenanigans that Tracy and the rest of the Dumping Ground kids got up to over the years, it's a complete miracle that the care home didn’t get shut down. At the very least, you’d think the local authorities would have intervened at some point! 

16. And how did Elaine the Pain get away with yelling at the kids all the time?

CBBC

Elaine the Pain was certainly not the best social worker around. She constantly screamed at the kids (which definitely isn’t the right way to talk to children in care) and she generally made their lives a lot more chaotic. One thing’s for sure, she certainly lived up to her nickname. 

17. Could the contestants actually see the Zooks on the Bamzooki table?

CBBC

Bamzooki was certainly ahead of its time technology-wise. 3D virtual creatures fighting to the death while kids cheered them on was pretty epic viewing in the 2000s. However, looking back, I'm wondering if the contestants even see the Zooks or were they just screaming at an empty table?! 

18. On Chucklevision, why were Barry and Paul always given jobs to do when they were the most accident-prone people in existence?

CBBC

These two struggled with even the simplest of tasks so God knows why people kept relying on them! 

19. And finally, how did The Slammer ever get the green light?

CBBC

Don’t get me wrong, I would’ve done just about anything to go on The Slammer back in the day but retrospectively, the whole concept is a little problematic. A talent show held in prison where criminals perform for a jury of kids who then determine their fate sounds like a PR nightmare waiting to happen. How did this show ever see the light of day? 

What British Kid's TV shows left you with questions? Tell us in the comments!