1. "k" is NEVER an acceptable response.
Unless your goal in life is to make people feel silly and sad.
2. It's perfectly OK to defy autocorrect when it's being dumb.
3. That said, feel free to blame all of your typos on autocorrect.
Yep. It was autocorrect. Autocorrect spelled it "gwakkamolie."
4. Don't ever use the "I'm currently typing ellipses" to wage psychological warfare.
5. The more people in the group chat, the fewer messages you should contribute to said group chat.
Otherwise you've got 20 phones constantly blowin' up and no one needs that.
6. The number of "ha"s you use speaks volumes. Observe:
7. If it takes longer than 20 seconds to type, send an email.
Ain't NOBODY got time for that.
8. Ellipses are the rudest thing on the entire planet.
Don't use them.
9. A list of emojis that are appropriate to use when you're not entirely sure what to say:
10. And when it comes to getting behind the wheel...
All images by BuzzFeed / Kristin Rossi