5 Things To Do Instead Of March Madness

If you are in the 98% of the world who don't care about brackets but still want madness in your March, try the following:

1. Monday - Pass a kidney stone

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For fast results, take 7 tablespoons of salt daily and avoid water

2. Tuesday - File your taxes

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Tax brackets are still less painful than March Madness brackets

3. Wednesday - Get run over before Obamacare has been repealed

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Or after.

4. Thursday - Ask a random girl at the bar if she likes 'Swalla'?

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For more ideas, watch this. And this.

5. Friday - Watch a truly global sport instead - Kabaddi

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Or better yet, play it.

6. WEEKEND BONUS: Spring forward an hour. Every day.

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You'll be out of the madness in March before everyone else!