Skip To Content

    Aussies Are Calling This Attempt At Vegemite Toast By A Sydney Cafe A "Disgrace" And I Agree With Them

    "I've seen bigger brown smears on toilet paper!"

    Ah, Vegemite toast. There is just something about this combination, with the melted butter, warm bread and savoury Vegemite, that makes it the peak breakfast option. In fact, half of its appeal lies in how simple it is to make. Like, surely no one could screw up making this simple Aussie brekky, right?

    A jar of Vegemite next to a stack of Vegemite toast

    Well, a Sydney-based cafe has tossed their hat into the ring for what could possibly be the worst attempt at Vegemite toast that any Australian has ever seen.

    Reddit user u/juvey88 was the recipient of this shameful creation, posting the offending Vegemite toast — if we can even call it that — in a thread titled, "Vegemite on toast from a cafe :(."

    A hand holding a piece of Vegemite toast in a car

    And look, I feel for this poor Aussie who was most likely looking forward to tucking into a good serving of Vegemite on toast. Instead, they got the barest of Vegemite scrapes — or, as a co-worker described it, the itty bit of Vegemite that sticks to the lid after the jar is opened.

    A close up of the Vegemite toast; there is an arrow highlighting the stingy application of Vegemite on the piece of toast

    I mean, disgraceful Vegemite application aside, the butter is not even spread to the sides. Edge-to-edge application is ESSENTIAL for optimum Vegemite on toast.

    A close up of the Vegemite toast; there are arrows highlighting how the butter and Vegemite has not been spread to the edges

    Understandably, Aussies are enraged over this piss-poor attempt at what I'm calling: "Vegemite toast, but hold the Vegemite."

    "They fucked up every step. Not enough toasting, not enough butter and not enough Vegemite."

    —u/iAmFabled


    "I always wondered how badly you could fuck up Vegemite on toast — we have a new leader."

    —u/morgecroc


    "And it was probably $7."

    —u/Exotic_Imagination69

    "Plus 15% public holiday surcharge." 

    —u/rich275

    [Editor's note: The photo was uploaded to Reddit during the Easter long weekend, where public holiday surcharges would have been applicable.]

    "Someone just wiped their knife clean."

    —u/KingRo48

    "Or their arse!"

    —u/jeffa666

    "Seen larger smears on the back of pants at Engadine Macca's after the grand final."

    —u/neophene

    "They just drove past the Vegemite factory holding the toast out the window."

    —u/let_me_outta_hoya

    "Said it before and I'll say it again. Butter on hot toast, edge to edge. Let it melt. Cover with Vegemite edge to edge. If you can see butter, that's a personal choice. If you can see bread, you've failed at Vegemite toast."

    —u/MacGyvered


    "I'd have taken it back and demanded to talk to whoever thought that was acceptable. Karen move? Nah. That's just un-Australian and its fuckery needs to be called out."

    —u/Meanjin

    "Which police station did you drive to for the report?"

    —u/filthridden

    "Surely the person making that had to have looked at it and thought, 'What the fuck am I doing?' What the fuck is the point of putting half of fuck-all on a slice of bread!? Why even bother to do such a piss weak effort at all? Like, if you are just going to do that to it...don't fucken bother at all mate. Hand me the knife and I'll spread it myself! I've seen bigger brown smears on toilet paper!"

    —u/MagicOrpheus310


    And lastly, "My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined."

    —u/farqcuntz


    What's your take on this offering of Vegemite toast? And what would you do if you were served this in a cafe? Let us know in the comments!