A Definitive Ranking Of Jollibee Menu Items

    I wanna langhap all over your sarap.

    Isabelle Laureta
    by Isabelle Laureta

    BuzzFeed Contributor

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    The contenders:

    Only items which are regularly on the menu. No limited edition items which means you won't find Glazed Chicken, Hash Brown Burger, or your beloved Tuna Pie on this list.

    25.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 0

    Uniqueness: 0

    Taste: 3

    Kabog Factor: 0

    Total: 3

    Verdict: Bun, hotdog, and ketchup ONLY? This is a sad moment for hotdog sandwiches. You deserve so much more, little guy. See: Jolly Hotdog Classic.

    24.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 0

    Uniqueness: 0

    Taste: 4

    Kabog Factor: 0

    Total: 4

    Verdict: Nothing special about Jollibee's breakfast meals. The only people who order these are hungover college kids and families on an early morning road trip who skipped breakfast.

    23.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 0

    Uniqueness: 0

    Taste: 3

    Kabog Factor: 1

    Total: 4

    Verdict: See, if you were McDonald's coke float, then Jollibee's coke float is your annoying younger cousin. He copies everything you do and tags along everywhere you go. Adorable, pero tama na please.

    22.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 1

    Uniqueness: 0

    Taste: 4

    Kabog Factor: 0

    Total: 5

    Verdict: OK, fine. They're ice cream and they're good, but you only order it for the sake of getting dessert. Nothing really life-changing about this stuff. Try again.

    21.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 1

    Uniqueness: 0

    Taste: 4

    Kabog Factor: 1

    Total: 6

    Verdict: The only reason Cone Twirls are ahead of the shakes and sundaes is because of the hard chocolate shell with rice crispies. That is all.

    20.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 1

    Uniqueness: 1

    Taste: 4

    Kabog Factor: 1

    Total: 7

    Verdict: No offense to lumpia lovers but this meal looks sad. If you're going to order a rice meal at Jollibee, get something that will actually make you ~Jolli~. Please learn to love yourself, Shanghai rolls.

    19.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 2

    Uniqueness: 0

    Taste: 5

    Kabog Factor: 1

    Total: 8

    Verdict: Not bad but where are the bacon and eggs?? BYE.

    18.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 2

    Uniqueness: 1

    Taste: 5

    Kabog Factor: 1

    Total: 9

    Verdict: It's hearty and passable but LOL it's so random? Like, why serve soup???

    17.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 2

    Uniqueness: 2

    Taste: 5

    Kabog Factor: 1

    Total: 10

    Verdict: You don't go to Jollibee all like, "Hey, you know what, I'm gonna order that garlic pepper beef 'cause I've been craving for that for so long!" NO. You only order this when you want a rice meal, but they're all out of Burger Steaks and Chicken Joys.

    16.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 2

    Uniqueness: 3

    Taste: 5

    Kabog Factor: 1

    Total: 11

    Verdict: Same as number 17, but for vegetarians or everyone else during Holy Week.

    15.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 2

    Uniqueness: 3

    Taste: 6

    Kabog Factor: 2

    Total: 13

    Verdict: Don't get me wrong. I like Jollibee's palabok, but the thin stringy noodles are C+ at best. I like my noodles ~thick~ sry.

    14.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 3

    Uniqueness: 3

    Taste: 6

    Kabog Factor: 3

    Total: 15

    Verdict: Jollibee knew what they were doing when they decided to stir in bits of chocolate in their ice cream. But then again, there's Dairy Queen, so...

    13.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 4

    Uniqueness: 3

    Taste: 5

    Kabog Factor: 4

    Total: 16

    Verdict: You know that cute guy who promises you the stars and the moon but once you've fallen for him, he breaks your heart? Spicy Chicken Joy is that guy. Like, if you're going to say you're spicy, then make damn well sure you ARE.

    12.

    Isabelle Laureta / Buzzfeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 6

    Uniqueness: 6

    Taste: 5

    Kabog Factor: 5

    Total: 22

    Verdict: Ever had a relationship that's too overwhelming and you know it's probably bad for you, but you just can't seem to make yourself get out of it? This is that — in burger steak form.

    11.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 7

    Uniqueness: 6

    Taste: 5

    Kabog Factor: 6

    Total: 24

    Verdict: I'll take this any day, but let's admit we've all had better french fries somewhere else. Good stand-by though.

    10.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 6

    Uniqueness: 6

    Taste: 7

    Kabog Factor: 7

    Total: 26

    Verdict: The holy grail of all dessert pies at any fast food resto. I'd fight the urge to buy extra rice just so I'd have enough money to get this for dessert.

    9.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 7

    Uniqueness: 6

    Taste: 7

    Kabog Factor: 7

    Total: 27

    Verdict: This is the Jolly Hotdog we've all come to love, none of that ketchup-only crap. There's nothing like coming home from school and finding a couple of these on the dining table. Ahhh, good times.

    8.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 6

    Uniqueness: 7

    Taste: 8

    Kabog Factor: 7

    Total: 28

    Verdict: The Chanel No. 5 of burgers. The simplicity gets me every time. I could eat anything with that mayo, but I probably shouldn't?

    7.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 7

    Uniqueness: 7

    Taste: 8

    Kabog Factor: 7

    Total: 29

    Verdict: Bathe me with that gravy on my death bed. That's my dying wish.

    6.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 7

    Uniqueness: 7

    Taste: 8

    Kabog Factor: 8

    Total: 30

    Verdict: TLC stands for Tomato, Lettuce, and Cheese but it could also mean Tender Loving Care because that's what you'd feel after wolfing this baby down.

    5.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 8

    Uniqueness: 7

    Taste: 8

    Kabog Factor: 8

    Total: 31

    Verdict: This is like, the father of all Jollibee burgers and it deserves mad respect. It's been there from the very beginning and it's never gonna leave.

    4.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 8

    Uniqueness: 7

    Taste: 9

    Kabog Factor: 8

    Total: 32

    Verdict: Cheese, mushrooms, beef patty, and B A C O N. Dude. DUDE. DUUUUUUDEEEEE.

    3.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 8

    Uniqueness: 9

    Taste: 9

    Kabog Factor: 8

    Total: 34

    Verdict: That pineapple in the middle be like, "Heyo, never thought you'd see me here, huh?" Then you take a bite and now you completely understand, so you ask why you've never put pineapples in burgers your whole life.

    2.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 9

    Uniqueness: 9

    Taste: 10

    Kabog Factor: 10

    Total: 38

    Verdict: When I'm frustrated and sad, I always find myself craving for this. I'm pretty sure there's a special place for Jolly Spaghetti in every Pinoy's heart that any Italian pasta just won't get.

    1.

    Isabelle Laureta / BuzzFeed / Via jollibee.com.ph

    Charisma: 10

    Uniqueness: 10

    Taste: 10

    Kabog Factor: 10

    Total: 40

    Verdict: There's a reason why Pinoys went crazy when Jollibee got a system upgrade and couldn't serve Chicken Joy. It's crispy, it's juicy, and that gravy? And with EXTRA RICE YAASSSSS.

    Jollibee / Via youtube.com

    Aga Mulach not included.