49 Thoughts You'll Have While Being Tormented By A Demon

So long, sleep. See ya never! Don't miss the spine-tingling prequel, Insidious: Chapter 3, now playing.

1. Oh, great. I'm being harassed by demons. AGAIN.

2. Maybe I should get more lights in my house, so there aren't so many shadows for demons to skulk around in.

3. Why do ghosts and demons hate it when I put things on shelves? Do they hate organization?

4. Are there any OCD demons who are just like, "Guys, can we stop knocking things off the shelves already?!"

5. Also, why do demons love babies so much? They're always after babies.

6. I think I'm going to check out the dark, creepy attic. Alone. By myself. At night. What's the worst that could happen?

7. OH GOD OH GOD DEMONS EVERYWHERE GHOSTS ARE TRYING TO EAT MY SOUL.

8. I should probably tell someone that I'm being harassed by demons, right?

9. Well, I told my husband, and he didn't believe me. I guess that's all I can do!

10. WHY DO I KEEP LEAVING MY BABY ALONE!

11. OMG OMG OMG DEMONS IN THE BABY MONITOR.

12. Wow, these demons really love baby monitors.

13. Maybe I should just get rid of the baby monitor the demons are using to torment me.

14. Meh. Whatever.

15. Well, it's been a few days since the last terrifying demon incident. Everything's probably OK, right!

16. NOPE. GIANT BLOODY HANDPRINT ON MY KID'S BEDSHEETS. EVERYTHING IS NOT OK.

17. Y'know what's less fun when you have a demon infestation? Appliances. All of the appliances.

18. A strange old woman just randomly showed up at my front door. What's the over/under on her being a psychic medium with the ability to travel to a spirit realm?

19. Should I really have to explain my current predicament to a psychic? Shouldn't she already know?

20. What's the going rate for an exorcism these days?

21. Do you have to tip a psychic?

22. This psychic wants to perform a seance in my living room that could potentially unleash a hellish demon force. Sounds like a great idea! What's the worst that could happen?

23. OH GOD THIS WAS A TERRIBLE MISTAKE WHAT HAVE I DONE.

24. My husband is acting strange, and he looks like a corpse. Is he possessed by a soul-eating demon? Nah, that's ridiculous. He's probably just inexplicably sick and angry. I'm sure everything's fine—

25. NOPE. HE'S DEFINITELY POSSESSED AND ALSO DEFINITELY TRYING TO KILL ME AND MY WHOLE FAMILY RIGHT NOW.

26. No, no, that's fine, demons. Just keep interrupting my piano practice. NBD.

27. Who do I call when the walls are bleeding. A plumber? A contractor? A hematologist?

28. Why don't demons ever mess with people when they're going to the bathroom, and therefore the most vulnerable? Up your game, demons!

29. Confirmed: all paranormal investigators are huuuuge nerds.

30. Why do demons always make dead bodies appear? Do they think all the creepy noises, weird shadows and nightmarish apparitions aren't scary enough?

31. Confirmed: Dead bodies smell like dead bodies. #science

32. Oh good, my mother-in-law showed up. I'm sure that won't make things more complicated.

33. I should have gone to church more. Or at all.

34. Mothers-in-law should be required to tell you if your husband was tormented by a demon as a child.

35. BRB just gotta go into an alternate ghost dimension real quick.

36. Wow. There are exactly ZERO lights in the ghost dimension. And why is it so crowded in here?

37. TIL: Ghosts love fog. Like, LOVE it.

38. If you see a ghost murder another ghost, do you have to report it? Are there ghost cops?

39. Okay, I've seen enough. Thirty seconds is WAY too long to hang out in a ghost dimension.

40. This place is like a department store on Black Friday: You have to fight your way through an army of ugly, horrible monsters to get anything valuable out of it.

41. Aw, crap. Looks like I'm gonna have to battle a creepy demon to get back to reality.

42. Cool demon teeth, bro!

43. OK, I know I should probably try to defeat this demon and destroy him once and for all!

44. Actually, I think I'm just gonna run away.

45. Oh, look! A ghost mom. She must be one of the nice demons who can help me get out of here. I'll just explain my predicament to her and --

46. NOPE NOPE NOPE SHE'S BAD SHE'S VERY, VERY BAD.

47. ABORT MISSION. GET OUT OF GHOST DIMENSION ASAP.

48. Well, that was quite a surreal journey I went on. Luckily, it's all over...unless a demon hitched a ride back to the real world, possessed someone very close to me and secretly plotting to murder my whole family.

49. SHIT SHIT SHIT THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED FML FML.

For more great demon-fighting tips and tricks, check out Insidious: Chapter 3, now playing.

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(Images provided courtesy of Focus Features)