1. A feeling we can all relate to.
When you full asf at thanksgiving dinner and ya grandma puts more food on your plate
2. Rule of Culture #41: you're not considered an alcoholic if it's over the holidays.
rt if at any point this thanksgivin you hid in the bathroom with a bottle of rosé
3. Turkeys count as friends, right?
Isn't it annoying when you're having dinner with your in-laws and they don't exist because no one loves you enough to marry you?
4. 2 stars -- wouldn't recommend.
My Grandma was not pleased with my YELP review last year, but I wasn't impressed with her lackluster cranberry sauce. Hope she stepped it up
5. It's good to stay positive over the holiday season.
Today's Thanksgiving craft. Building a tiny box in my soul to silently scream into during the family gatherings tomorrow.
6. What we're all thinking when the food coma hits...
If I never wake up from this food coma, please tell my family I died doing what I love. #Thanksgiving
7. For everyone who knows that Christmas officially starts the day after Thanksgiving.
I carry a stone around to throw at anyone I hear singing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving. I call it my Jingle Bell Rock.
8. Gobble gobble.
Thanksgiving Turkeys probably feel less fearful of death knowing how many of them will have a second life on @instagram.
9. No, I don't want to see that picture of your kids, Linda
Stay in shape this Thanksgiving by running away every time you see someone you went to high school with.
10. Definitely better than the generic mass texts.
What means the most to me today is every single company I've ever ordered anything from emailing me "Happy Thanksgiving!"
11. The true meaning of Thanksgiving.
#Thanksgiving is an American holiday where the entire family comes together to shit in one guest toilet.
12. When you wonder why the people don't float away like in Up?
Every year I hope someone in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade just stops, looks around, and says "Guys, what the fuck are we all doing"
13. Pass the gravy!
[Thanksgiving] Who's ready for dinner?! *family starts going nuts* Ok here it comes! *fires turkeys across the room out of a t-shirt cannon*
14. Ugh, you always make the same thing...
Friend: What are you going to make for Thanksgiving? Me: Probably a scene.
15. As per my previous email:
"Did you have a great thanksgiving?" Uhm it was okay *coworker gets beet red in face* "I said "have a GREAT thanksgiving" on Wednesday pal"
16. It's a boy!
[Thanksgiving at the In-laws] Me (patting wife’s belly): “Remember you’re eating for two now” Mother-in-law (smiling): “You mean...” Me: “That’s right. She’s got a tapeworm”
17. Does anyone actually eat that stuff anyways?!
*builds time machine* *travels back to first Thanksgiving* *slaps cranberries out of pilgrim's hand* You're not making this a thing
18. Choices.
THANKSGIVING: I'm thankful for this beautiful world we live in BLACK FRIDAY: *beats an old lady to death with a 42" Vizio LCD Smart TV*
19. The spray tan from his last vacation definitely adds to the authenticity.
This Thanksgiving for the first time ever, your drunk uncle will seem quite “presidential.”
20. The most unappreciated role...
My favorite thing about Thanksgiving is watching someone else do the dishes.
21. And when your workout can wait until New Years.
My thigh gap is looking fresh as hell
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