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1. A bottle of Poo-Pourri that will mask the rancid smell of both of your innards so neither of you will ever know you took a poop.
2. A huge-ass curtain to officially give you and your roomie some much-needed privacy.
3. A couple of knotted curtains if you're feeling a little fancy and want add a little bit of drama to your shared space.
4. A super bright book light to clip onto your laptop or textbook when the need to study hits you in the dead of night, but you don't want to wake up your roommate from slumber.
5. A nifty sign so your roommate can know not to come in when certain...activities are happening. And by activities I mean sex.
6. A dry erase board to remind your roommate to wash the dishes every once in a while.
7. An odor eliminator bag that will mask the smell of your dorm-mate's dirty laundry she hasn't washed in literal weeks. You're not even sure if she has any clean underwear left.
8. An incense kit if witchy shit is more of your thing — and you want to bring some positive vibes into your space while making your apartment smell amazeballs.
9. A magical drain protector to catch stray hairs, saving both you and your roommate the drama of a clogged tub.
10. A tiered shower caddy you can place over your door so your roomie doesn't fuck up and take YOUR toothpaste and shower gel.
11. A box of Clorox Wipes to make it even easier to clean up behind yourself so no one else will have to!
12. A tasty subscription box filled with an assortment of candies and snacks to quell your hunger, because no one deserves to be cursed out while you're hangry.
13. A pair of noise-isolating headphones to drown out the annoying sound of your roommate's voice. It's just so fucking grating to the ears.
14. A mildew-resistant shower liner convenient for you and your roomie because both of you hate cleaning the bathroom and especially changing the curtains.
15. A corner shower caddy preventing you from tripping over all of the stray shampoo bottles on the side of the tub and breaking your neck.
16. A batch of earplugs ready to muffle sounds of your roommate and their significant other getting down in the next room over.
17. A really cool fridge locker equipped with a combination lock so your roommates won't ever steal your precious avocado spread.
18. An Amazon Fire Stick that will help you and your roommate sit back, relax, and bond over binge-watching episodes of Transparent.
19. A set of chalkboard labels so no one else will eat your fucking leftovers because "they had no idea it was yours!"
20. A handy sign that will let anyone in the house know if the dishes are in fact, washed and who to blame if they aren't.
21. A toilet paper stand essential for not going crazy when one of you uses up the whole roll and doesn't have the decency to replace it.
22. A set of wooden coasters to remind everyone that you're literally the only person in the house to polish the furniture and you don't have the time nor the energy to wipe off water rings.
23. A very useful (and fashionable) marble trash can to make it so easy to just...throw spare papers where they belong instead of the floor like animals.
24. A shower locker to keep all of your bathroom shit out of your roommate's grubby hands.
25. A personal dry-erase wall decal you can constantly write on to remind yourself why going to jail for murder is a bad thing.
26. A couple of stovetop burner protectors constructed to save you and the folks you live with from arguing over who was the last person that made a mess in the kitchen.
Let's hope you never have to say these words.
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Reviews here have been edited for length and/or clarity.