25 Things That May Help Soothe Your Broken Heart
Because fuck everyone who doesn't understand you're a catch!
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1. Queen Beyoncé's Lemonade, but only the former part of the album because anger fuels you; fuck forgiveness.
2. A crying Drake keychain and iPhone case so you can run out the pages in your passport and hang out with girls they've never seen before.
The case is compatible with the iPhone 5, 6, 7, 8 and iPhone X!
Get the keychain from Cleopatra Candy on Etsy for $9.99 and the iPhone case from Shaina on Society 6 for $15.99.
3. A subscription to all things single. Apparently that's what you are now. Go and say it in the mirror a couple of times to remind yourself.
You can get a bunch of artisan foods, books, and fashion accessories to match your brand-new lifestyle!
Get it from Crate Joy for $24.99+ a box.
5. An illuminated phone case to take some bomb-ass selfies to post to all your social media accounts, letting your ex know you're doing JUST FINE without them.
6. Babydoll lingerie because you look amazing and you want to treat your damn self! Plus, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Or so they say.
7. A pair of sunnies so you won't have to see the haters (or your ex).
Promising Review: "I bought these sunglasses because they looked cool in the pictures. They have an expensive feel about them — the sleek, gold-colored frames add that expensive touch and the mirror lens makes them look modern and cool. I also like the second line that goes across the lens, it gives a unique touch that many generic sunglasses tend to have. They also seem durable since mine haven't broken yet, despite being banged up by other objects in my purse. I also like the slightly oversized lens! Additionally, the lens blocks out some of the brightness of the sun, but isn't too dark where your visibility is affected." —Leona
Get them from Amazon for $12.99 or Jet for $10.99. Available in 13 colors.
8. A handy sheet mask to get rid of all the stress you have from the arguing and passive aggressive texts you got before the big split.
It contains green teaoxi and a mix of amino acids to cleanse oily skin while brightening your beautiful face!
Promising Review: "I have super sensitive skin and I loved this face mask! The tingling of the bubbles forming was my favorite thing about the mask, and it leaving my skin clean and smooth was a plus!" —mbrown175
Get it from Sephora for $9.
9. A box of tissues that'll literally help you dry your tears.
Promising Review: "You can't go wrong with Kleenex. We definitely got far more use out of each Kleenex than we could with two or three of the generic brand. These really are significantly stronger and softer than other brands that we have tried. These boxes hold quite a few tissues and have lasted a long time. The designs on the outside of the boxes are simple but cute and aren't an eyesore to have around the house." —Bobbi
Get a three-pack from Amazon for $5.48.
10. An amazing plaque to remind you that Beyoncé herself wouldn't give in and text someone who really doesn't give a shit about her.
Get it from Modcloth for $29.99.
11. A reliable companion pillow.
Promising Review: "Very cute and comfortable! A great gift for the friend who is now single. An amazing sleeping companion!" —April Meadows
12. An amazingly pretty eyeshadow palette you can use on your downtime since it's never too late to pick up a new hobby.
Promising Review: "I originally bought this as a gift for my bestie's birthday and instantly fell in love with the colors, so I did what any sane person would do and purchased two. This has been my go-to for over a month now! I love how blendable the formula for these eyeshadows are and how they are very long lasting." —Alicateye
Get it from Sephora for $36.
13. A coloring book for when you want to be artistic but mentally say "fuck off I deserve better."
Promising Review: "I was married for 17 years before becoming single at age 40. Dating has changed a lot since I was 21 and online dating is in a special category of its own. I use this coloring book to keep me sane as I navigate dating in the 21st century. Fun!" —Allykat
Get it from Amazon for $6.98.
14. An oversized robe, because you really can't focus on coordinating outfits at the moment so why even try?
16. A pair of fluffy slippers that will keep you nice and comfy while you tear up on the couch, reminiscing on all the good times you had with your (former) significant other.
Promising Review: "I ordered these one day when my feet were feeling particularly cold and they have kept my toes nice and toasty since. They have a nice thick sole, so when I run outside quickly to do something, I'm not afraid of stepping on anything sharp. They are really cute!" —L Slip
Get them from Amazon for $19.99+. Available in six colors.
17. A boozy pin to let everyone know what fragile state you're in.
Get it from The Silver Spider on Etsy for $10.
18. An array of chocolates. Forrest Gump was right — you never know what you're gonna get in life, so why not indulge?
Promising Review: "Godiva is always delicious. This was a perfect selection of chocolates — just enough variety of milk chocolate, dark chocolate, and white chocolate as well as fillings. They also arrived fresh." —Amazon Customer
Get the box of 19 chocolates from Amazon for $32.
19. An inspirational movie for teaching you how to actually deal with being all by yourself, again.
Promising Review: "It's a really smart comedy, and there are surprisingly complex characters, even though it's surely goofy. In terms of romantic comedy, it's a little more realistic, a little darker, but lovely in the end." —Chris Abraham
Get it from Amazon for $9.99. Also available on Blu-ray and Amazon Video.
20. An oversized sweater that will tell every fuckboy in existence they have no chance in hell and back.
Get it from Reddressedco on Etsy for $26.07. Sizes: S-2XL. Available in six colors.
21. A set of self-affirmation cards to remind yourself that you are definitely as fly as you say you are, with or without a partner.
You always have to start by loving yourself first.
Promising Review: "Adorable and witty cards. Perfect to round out a not-so-happy tarot reading, or just to uplift your day." —Amazon Customer
Get them from Amazon for $12.51.
22. A bluetooth speaker for singing your favorite song aloud to keep from crying.
"If it makes you happy!"
Promising Review: "What a great surprise. It was very inexpensive, yet the quality was excellent. It was solid and compact, with quality buttons and inputs. It was easy to use and for such a small speaker, and surprisingly loud. Its sound was good for such a small speaker. Also, it comes with a large battery that lasts hours!" —Brad
Get it from Amazon for $29.99.
23. A no drama flask to pull out when things just become way too much.
24. A rose choker necklace because you can buy your own damn flowers! It's called SELF love.
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $40.
25. And an One Direction album. If five hot guys that can sing can't heal your heartache, what can?
Promising Review: "I bought this for my son! He listens to it so much that I can probably sing all the words at this point. If you're a One Direction fan, then you will love it too." —lilpnkbnny
Get it from Amazon for $7.60. Also available on MP3.
You to your ex.
Reviews here have been edited for length and/or clarity.