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Fuck, Marry, Kill: GOP Edition

A NOTE: The definitions of "fuck" and "marry" used here are very, very loose. Think S&M-dom, riding-crop-happy fuck and highly contractual, purely utilitarian, NDA-laden marriage.

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Given the opportunity, which of these GOP leaders and associates would you subject to unspeakable acts of **hypothetical** debauchery?

Don't hold back, dear Buzzers. You know they wouldn't. Hypothetically.
Ian Martella / Via Individual Images: Wikimedia Commons

Don't hold back, dear Buzzers. You know they wouldn't. Hypothetically.

Counselor to That One Guy Kellyanne Conway

@Not_Much_Fun / Via Twitter

Con: If you kill her, seven blond, wire-haired Afghan hounds will rise in her place and spread lies across mainstream cable news with renewed enthusiasm.

Pro: If you marry her, you maybe get to help redefine contemporary history—as it's written!

  1. The choice is yours.

    Flickr / Gage Skidmore
    Correct
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    Fuck
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    Marry
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    Kill
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The choice is yours.
  1.  
    vote votes
    Fuck
  2.  
    vote votes
    Marry
  3.  
    vote votes
    Kill

Attorney General Jeff Sessions

Via Wikimedia Commons

Pro to pretty much any of these choices: You get to exercise your reverse-Napoleon complex constantly, singularly or sporadically.

Con: actually having to do any of those things to/with him.

  1. What'll it be?

    Flickr / Gage Skidmore
    Correct
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    Fuck
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Marry
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Kill
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What'll it be?
  1.  
    vote votes
    Fuck
  2.  
    vote votes
    Marry
  3.  
    vote votes
    Kill

Chief Strategist Stephen K. Bannon

Ian Martella / Via Wikimedia Commons

I'll withhold my vote on this one. *Continues waxing official replica Orc-hide whip.*

  1. You know you want to.

    Flickr / Steve Bannon
    Correct
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    Fuck
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    Incorrect
    Marry
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Kill
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You know you want to.
  1.  
    vote votes
    Fuck
  2.  
    vote votes
    Marry
  3.  
    vote votes
    Kill

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson

Via Wikimedia Commons

Very little to say here. That Granzaddy thing certainly isn't working for me.

  1. "Putin on the Ritz." That's all.

    Wikimedia Commons

    To each their own.

    Correct
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    Marry
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    Kill
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"Putin on the Ritz." That's all.
  1.  
    vote votes
    Fuck
  2.  
    vote votes
    Marry
  3.  
    vote votes
    Kill

Press Secretary Sean Spicer

Noobie Nikon / Via Flickr

As witnessed in Shonda Rhimes' political draMASTERPIECE, Scandal, having connections with the press secretary can prove useful in situations requiring a little leverage. That said, this personally is most def not a marry.

  1. Does shifty rhetoric turn you on? Or does it turn you to into a festering mess of pure hatred?

    Wikimedia Commons
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Fuck
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Marry
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Kill
Oops. Something went wrong. Please try again later
Looks like we are having a problem on the server.
Does shifty rhetoric turn you on? Or does it turn you to into a festering mess of pure hatred?
  1.  
    vote votes
    Fuck
  2.  
    vote votes
    Marry
  3.  
    vote votes
    Kill

Oval Office Inhabitant Donald J. Trump

Via Wikimedia Commons

He Who Unfortunately Shall Not Be Named Less Frequently, pictured below expressing his size-related predilection for... Political victories.

NOTE: The kill vote on this is HYPOTHETICAL. As in NOT A CALL TO ARMS. This is a BUZZFEED QUIZ.

  1. No judgement. None whatsoever.

    Wikimeda Commons
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Fuck
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Marry
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Kill
Oops. Something went wrong. Please try again later
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No judgement. None whatsoever.
  1.  
    vote votes
    Fuck
  2.  
    vote votes
    Marry
  3.  
    vote votes
    Kill
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