Fuck, Marry, Kill: GOP Edition

A NOTE: The definitions of "fuck" and "marry" used here are very, very loose. Think S&M-dom, riding-crop-happy fuck and highly contractual, purely utilitarian, NDA-laden marriage.

Given the opportunity, which of these GOP leaders and associates would you subject to unspeakable acts of **hypothetical** debauchery?

Ian Martella / Via Individual Images: Wikimedia Commons

Don't hold back, dear Buzzers. You know they wouldn't. Hypothetically.

Counselor to That One Guy Kellyanne Conway

@Not_Much_Fun / Via Twitter

Con: If you kill her, seven blond, wire-haired Afghan hounds will rise in her place and spread lies across mainstream cable news with renewed enthusiasm.

Pro: If you marry her, you maybe get to help redefine contemporary history—as it's written!

Attorney General Jeff Sessions

Via Wikimedia Commons

Pro to pretty much any of these choices: You get to exercise your reverse-Napoleon complex constantly, singularly or sporadically.

Con: actually having to do any of those things to/with him.

Chief Strategist Stephen K. Bannon

Ian Martella / Via Wikimedia Commons

I'll withhold my vote on this one. *Continues waxing official replica Orc-hide whip.*

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson

Via Wikimedia Commons

Very little to say here. That Granzaddy thing certainly isn't working for me.

Press Secretary Sean Spicer

Noobie Nikon / Via Flickr

As witnessed in Shonda Rhimes' political draMASTERPIECE, Scandal, having connections with the press secretary can prove useful in situations requiring a little leverage. That said, this personally is most def not a marry.

Oval Office Inhabitant Donald J. Trump

Via Wikimedia Commons

He Who Unfortunately Shall Not Be Named Less Frequently, pictured below expressing his size-related predilection for... Political victories.

NOTE: The kill vote on this is HYPOTHETICAL. As in NOT A CALL TO ARMS. This is a BUZZFEED QUIZ.