Posted on Aug 11, 2021

31 Jokes From "The Good Place" That Deserve A Million Positive Points

"I haven't encountered this much resistance since I tried to get Timothée Chalamet to go out into the sun."

by Hope Lasater

BuzzFeed Staff

Tahani says, "Jason's making me watch this horror film about two ex-convicts who try to rob and murder a neglected child," and we see they're watching "Home Alone"

Sebastian says, "My dewdrop, I've written you a spoken-word jazz opera, Eleanor, who's it for, you my dewdrop, cream of the crop, top to the bop to the bop to the top," Eleanor says, "No version of heaven includes 3 hours of this, we're in The Bad Place"

Tahani says, "Who’s your favorite artist," and Jason says, "I mean, Pitbull changed the game"

Chidi sings, "You put the Peeps in the chili pot and eat them both up, you put the Peeps in the chili pot and add the M&amp;Ms, you put the Peeps in the chili pot, it makes it taste...bad"

Janet says, "Eleanor, I have kids," then she holds up a picture of them and says, "I have 3 beautiful children, Tyler, Emma, and little tiny baby Phillip, look at Tyler, Tyler has asthma but he is battling it like a champ"

Tahani says, "I haven't encountered this much resistance since I tried to get Timothée Chalamet to go out into the sun"

Tahani says, "You know, one of my shyest friends, I won't say his name to preserve his privacy, but, he found my presence so comforting that he asked me to co-host his TV show, 'Anderson Cooper 360°'"

We see Tahani's contacts Taika Waititi, Taylor Swift, The Edge private number, The Queen, The Rock, Thom Yorke, Tilda Swinton, Tiger Woods, Tim Cook, Tim Gunn, Tom Brady

Eleanor says, "We’re an Arizona dirtbag, a human turtleneck, a narcissistic monster, and literally the dumbest person I have ever met," and Jason says, "And who am I, describe me now"

Michael shows his tattoo on his arm and says, "It's Chinese for Japan"

Tahani says, "Jason, I never guessed we'd be where we are today, me, a prominent British philanthropist with award-winning legs, set to marry you, a swamp-dweller who once asked me if the presidents on Mount Rushmore have butts on the other side"

The Judge says, You meddled in human affairs, that ripples out, do you know how much weird stuff has happened, England left Europe, that Hugh Jackman musical about P T Barnum made like 400 million dollars, the Jacksonville Jaguars are good now

Michael says, "How do I explain this concisely...this is Tuesdays, and also July," Janet says, "And sometimes it's never," and Michael says, "That's true, occasionally that moment on the Bearimy timeline is the time moment when nothing never occurs"

Chidi says, "This broke me, the dot over the I, that broke me"

Jason says, "I don't know, this plan seems complicated," Eleanor says, "To be fair, you also once said that about an orange," and Jason says, "They don’t make sense, apples, you eat their clothes, but oranges, you don't"

A librarian says, "The second we close, they use this place to shoot pornos," Michael says "Okay" and he and Eleanor leave, then at a diner a server says, "We're closing soon and the second we do, they use this place to shoot porn"

Chidi's shirt says, "Who what when where...wine"

Eleanor says, What's this show called again, and Tahani says, It's Deirdre and Margaret, it ran for 16 years on the BBC, they did nearly 30 episodes

Jason says, "You know I love Jacksonville," Pillboi says, "J-town," and Jason says, It's easily one of the top 10 swamp cities in northeastern Florida"

Shawn says, "So let's kick things off with our official Bad Place song," and Shawn and all of the demons sing, "1-877-Kars4Kids, K-A-R-S Kars4Kids"

Eleanor says, "I used to think about how it's weird they don't make pants that are just one big pant leg for both your legs," Chidi says, "You mean a skirt," and Eleanor says, "No, you're not getting it and my thing is different, so shut up"

Michael says, "Kissing is gross, you just mash your food holes together, it's not for that"

Janet hands Jason a briefcase and says, "Here, I got you this to help your disguise," and Jason says, "Whoa, a briefcase, take my credit card to the hedge fund, I'll meet you at the martini store"

Eleanor says, A guy named Kevin Paltonic lived in Avondale, Arizona around 2002, is he gay, Janet says, No, Eleanor says, Huh, guess he just didn't want to have sex with me, that's fine, I wasn't that into him, Janet says, Yes you were, Eleanor glares

A small bear wearing a shirt that says, "Epic Bacon Much" says, "Mondays, am I right," then holds up chainsaws and says, "CHAINSAW"

Jason says, "If you're a devil, how come you’re not wearing Prada"

The Judge says disgusted, The last place I went was a Black Friday sale at an outlet mall in Michigan, Tahani asks, Why, and the Judge says, For the deals exclamation point

Michael says, "I want to see Eleanor Shellstrop's file, is that what you have or do you have a cactus" Janet says, "I have Eleanor Shellstrop's file, I do not have a cactus," Michael says, "Excellent, please, give me the file" and Janet hands him a cactus

Tahani says, I was such a tomboy in high school, see, and see gestures to a picture of her in a floral dress and a huge hat holding a backetball in one hand in front of an English manor

Jason says, "I think we're in the Bad Place," and Michael says, "Jason figured it out, Jason, this is a real low point, yeah, this one hurts"

Eleanor says, "Are we sure we should be paying attention to these guys, it's like, who died and left Aristotle in charge of ethics," and Chidi points to his whiteboard and says, "Plato"

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