Some Netflix movies are great. Some are...not my taste (@theirishman). But sometimes there are movies that I can't even tell if I want to watch or not. Enter: Holidate.
Holidate is super popular on Netflix right now, but I wasn't sure if it would be good-bad or just bad-bad — the 45% on Rotten Tomatoes isn't encouraging, that's a bad-bad score. So, I decided to watch it to see if it's worth your time! You are so welcome. I am a hero.
We start by meeting Sloane (Emma Roberts). She's clearly anti-holiday. Talk about a war on Christmas!
She and her family are home for Christmas. It's a packed house, filled with talk about Sloane's lack of a dating life. She and her mother have an exchange that is very #2020.
Sloane's aunt, played by the unstoppable Kristin Chenoweth, brought a mall Santa as her date. Why? He's her HOLIDATE! That's right! We get the title of the movie very quickly!
Sloane is in Chicago's Logan Square, but in suburban Evanston, Jackson (Luke Bracey) is also having a real terrible evening. He's at the family home of a woman he's been on three dates with. It's clear the pair are not, cómo se dice, on the same page.
(Excuse me while I scream about this fun line.)
Pretty soon, Sloane and Jackson meet! She's behind him in line at a store and they have a pretty heated exchange. What a meet cute! Also, Sloane's jacket is an A+.
After saying "holidate" approximately three bajillion times, Sloane and Jackson agree to be each other's holidates for New Year's Eve. Something tells me these kooky kids will get together in the end.
(So close, yet so far.)
Sloane switches dresses with a woman who got hers remarkably stained — it's a nice moment, but the fact that it's soon followed by a flashing joke kind of ruins the mood for me.
Anyway, when Valentine's Day rolls around, Sloane runs into her ex-boyfriend who broke her heart. But Jackson saves the day by pretending to be her "little boy toy of the moment." They decide to holidate "until further notice!" I'm now using that as a verb.
They holidate it up on Saint Patrick's Day! And Easter, where Kristin Chenoweth is fantastic! And Cinco de Mayo, where Sloane and Jackson possibly hook up while drunk! And Mother's Day! We're talking classic Spring holidays here, folks!
Then, what do you know, it's America time! Fourth Of July arrives, and Jackson gets his finger semi-blown off by a firecracker? It's a whole thing.
It's at this point I want to mention SNL's Alex Moffat plays Sloane's brother-in-law, so, shoutout to Alex Moffat.
The doctor for Jackson's finger happens to be Faarooq (Manish Dayal), a guy Sloane's mom has been trying to set her up with. Sloane hasn't been interested, but now she's high and touching his face a lot. I see a future source of tension rising!
But, that night, Sloane and Jackson...touch hands! They touch hands, people! It's all happening! Feelings o'clock!
Because of the post-hand-touching weirdness, Jackson decides not to go with Sloane to her brother's Labor Day wedding. He goes — because, of course, he independently knows her brother — with Kristin Chenoweth. Sloane goes with Faarooq. There's a lot of overt jealousy.
In a turn of events I am 100% on board with, Kristin Chenoweth and Faarooq start having vibes! Therefore, Sloane and Jackson are officially going to holidate on Halloween.
This movie lives in a world where people have scheduled over-the-top parties for every major holiday of the year. Is it just me or is that not how life works?
I digress. On Halloween, Sloane sees her ex-boyfriend and his very pregnant girlfriend, and it throws her for a loop. (Her sister also accidentally gives her laxatives, so, that's a thing that happens.) Jackson brings Sloane home and helps her shower. It's very sweet.
Halloween night ends with Sloane and Jackson literally sleeping together, but the next morning, they sleep together sleep together! As in sex! Hot damn! I'm gonna put the moment after they leave frame mid sexy-times as the picture.
The next time Sloane and Jackson see each other is Thanksgiving, where Jackson launches into this monologue about how beautiful she is.
But Sloane still pretends she doesn't like him! They have a huge fight in the grocery store! Looks like we've reached the low point in our story arc!
But some good things happen on Thanksgiving. After being way too guarded, Kristin Chenoweth reunites with Faarooq! I think...this maaaaaaybe might be an example for Sloane that she should follow her feelings as well. Just spitballing here.
The example sinks in! On Christmas, Sloane finally gets brave and tells Jackson how she feels! At the mall where they met! Quel symmetry! She gets the help of a choir and everything. It's a real moment.
We have our happy ending, folks! For everyone!
So that's "Holidate!" Would I recommend it? I mean, sure. It's no Four Weddings, but it gets the job done. My rom-com void is filled for the moment.
Thanks for tuning in! Until we meet again, like holidates.
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