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    27 Things In The "Harry Potter" Books That Are Bonkers To Me Now That I'm An Adult

    There is no spell to stop students from entering the Forbidden Forest.

    The Harry Potter series is marvelous, but there are simply some elements that don't make a lick of sense. Here are 27 things from the Harry Potter books that I cannot get my head around as an adult.

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    1. First off, the fact that so much of the wizarding world is cool with slavery. Like, what the fuck? Obviously, I knew this was wrong when I was a child, but it's even more egregious now that I'm a grown-up.

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    Justice for Winky.

    2. These names. Who names their child Bellatrix or Severus? Or, even worse, Narcissa? What are you setting that child up for if not a life of reflection-dwelling?

    On New Girl, Winston says, "Everybody meet Dan Bill Bishop"; Jess asks, "Daniel William?" Winston: "No"; Schmidt asks, "Bill the middle name?" Winston: "No"; Aly: "Tell em you're kidding"; Winston: "I'm not, it's Dan Bill Bishop"; and Aly asks, "What?"
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    Oh, and Albus Severus is the woooorst name!!!!!

    3. The limits and rules of spells aren't clear enough for me. You have to purchase clothing, but you can make a potato chip take you across the world.

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    4. If snakes and spiders can speak, there's got to be at least one other animal that can. I don't think we ever encounter or hear one mentioned, confoundingly, but I hope it's a sea sponge or something.

    On The Good Place, a small bear wearing a shirt that says, Epic Bacon Much says, "Mondays, am I right?" then holds up chainsaws and says, "CHAINSAW"
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    5. It's bonkers that there is no spell to stop students from entering the Forbidden Forest.

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    6. Harry never once leaves Great Britain. Dude, no one will look for you in Brisbane. Hide to escape and then stay far away while you figure out a plan.

    On Taskmaster, Lou Sanders is inside a bin, she says, "Will he notice me if I'm a bin?" and then she runs
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    7. On a similar note, Voldemort leaves all of his Horcruxes kind of nearby. He doesn't bury one in the middle of the Arctic with a flag sticking out of the ice. I mean, I know they're all in meaningful places and all that, but you can't really go all in on the I-want-to-live-forever thing without being thorough.

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    Voldemort is both super calculating and super into meaningfulness.

    8. Imagine living with the same group of people, in the same room, from age 11 to age 17/18. That is what Hogwarts students have to do. How they don't all either adore one another or viscerally hate one another is baffling.

    On Taskmaster, Greg says, "What do you mean, 'friendship is truth'?" and Lolly Adefope says, "Um, sort of, friendship is truth, truth is friendship"
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    9. Were brooms made specifically for flight, or did someone discover they can do that? 'Cause if it was an accidental discovery, what was that person up to?

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    10. I did not think of this — I've read it at least once and it's very true: How did Harry not recognize the handwriting of the Potions teacher he had for six years? A teacher he was currently studying under? Harry, honey, use your noggin.

    On The Good Place, Eleanor says, "We’re an Arizona dirtbag, a human turtleneck, a narcissistic monster, and literally the dumbest person I have ever met," and Jason says, "And who am I? Describe me now"
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    11. Shouldn't "Mirror of Erised" be "Erised fo Rorrim"?

    12. It's a big coincidence that the Quidditch World Cup and the Triwizard Tournament take place in the same year.

    On The Office, Michael says, "Your dentist's name is Crentist, sounds a lot like dentist"; Dwight says, "Maybe that's why he became a dentist" and Michael is clearly furious
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    13. I can't believe how young these kids are. Harry is 14 in Goblet of Fire. Fourteen. FOURTEEEEEEN.

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    If I'd had to fight a dragon when I was 14, the best-case scenario would have been a Jonah-eaten-by-a-whale situation.

    14. And the trio are only 36-ish in the epilogue. That's really young for them all to have kids grown enough for Hogwarts, in my opinion.

    On Friends, Chandler says, "When we're 40, if neither of us are married, why don't you and I have one?" Monica: "Why won't I be married at 40?" Chandler: "No, I meant hypothetically," and Monica" "Okay, hypothetically, why won't I be married at 40?"
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    15. What is religion like for magical people? At least some celebrate Christmas, so there are Christians. Was Jesus...a wizard?

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    But don't they say Merlin in the books? Am I wrong about that?

    16. Veritaserum should be used in court. I get that it wouldn't set, like, a good, moral vibe, but come on.

    On Brooklyn 99, Holt says, "I was hula-hooping," Holt shows Jake a picture and says, "I've mastered the moves, pizza toss, tornado, scorpion, oopsie-doodle," Jake says, "Why are you telling me this?" and Holt says, "No one will ever believe you"
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    17. Since magical people have longer lifespans, it seems reasonable to assume people don't go through menopause until much older. So there are periods for, like, 60 years, folks.

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    18. Before trains, how did underage Hogwarts students get to school? Horses? But horses aren't really a magic thing.

    Nick says, "You better learn how to ride a polo horse," and Winston says, "It's actually a polio horse, originally they were bred as helper horses for people with polio, but I don't think anything of what I just said was correct"
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    19. Here is another alarming aspect I didn't think of myself: Scabbers being on the Marauder's Map with Ron. Were Fred and George just like, "Alright, Ron is very close with some kid named Peter Pettigrew, and we'll let him come to us about it when he's ready"?

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    20. While Tom Riddle is basically possessing Ginny, she writes in blood about the Chamber of Secrets being opened. But she writes, "The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Enemies of the heir, beware." Why was it necessary to spend valuable seconds adding those periods and capitalizing those letters? Rush!

    On The Office, Stanley asks, "How did Ryan use it, as an object?" Ryan says, "As an object" and Kelly says, "Ryan used me as an object"
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    21. Why are the other species part of this world? I don't understand why trolls and unicorns are specifically magical, other than the fact that everyone has decided they are.

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    22. Harry gave his Triwizard Tournament earnings to Fred and George, not to the Diggory family. I mean, I get why he did, but still.

    On The Good Place, Tahani says, "This money has been a weight around my neck, like the Heart of the Ocean necklace my friend James Cameron once gave me"
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    23. For the first 11 years of his life, Harry Potter is still super-duper famous. It seems to me that some magical PIs or whatever could have easily tracked him down in Surrey.

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    24. Hogwarts students don't take English classes, so their spelling and grammar must be all over the place.

    Nick from New Girl saying, I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words
    Elizabeth Meriwether Pictures / 20th Century Fox Television

    25. The wizarding world is so fancy, and yet they use toilets and a pipe system.

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    26. Hogwarts teens are fucking 24/7, right? Prefects have their own bathroom with giant baths. Not to mention the Room of Requirement, dear god.

    On Brooklyn 99, Rosa says, You two need to bone, Holt says, How dare you, I am your SUPERIOR OFFICER, 5 minutes later Holt yells, BONE, 10 minutes later he says, What happens in my bedroom, is none of your business, 21 minutes later he yells, BOOOOONE
    Fremulon

    27. And finally, Voldemort should have been made fun of more for losing to a child so many times.

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