22 Quotes From The Movie “Armageddon” That Make Me Laugh More Than Any Comedy Ever Could

    "Friggin' outer space."

    Hope Lasater
    by Hope Lasater

    BuzzFeed Staff

    My mother and I recently watched the 1998 movie Armageddon for the first time. It's a Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer venture, so, yikes and ayo in equal measure. We had the time of our lives.

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    Also, weirdly, Owen Wilson is in it, and Steve Buscemi plays a pedophile? Comments like, "She never told me her age" are thrown around.

    The premise of the movie is that a meteor is going to destroy Earth...unless oil drillers drill into it, drop a nuclear bomb, and then blow it up from the inside. You read all of that correctly.

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    It's here I should mention much of the plot is eerily similar to Deep Impact, a better movie – if we're judging based on quality and not wow factor.

    Considering the outrageousness of the plot, you may not be surprised to learn that there are some similarly ridiculous lines and moments in the movie. Here are some that particularly stuck out to me as I went on this wild ride.

    1.

    Dan Truman says, "I'll give you a buffalo nickel if you'll calm down just a little bit"
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    Lol what?

    2.

    Dan Truman says, "Well, our object collision budget's a million dollars, that allows us to track about 3% of the sky"
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    WHAT DOES 3% OF THE SKY MEAN? I guess it's gotta mean space, so what is 3% of space and how in God's name are you able to track it with only one million dollars?

    3.

    Dan Truman says, "Those are nothing, they're the size of basketballs, and, uh, Volkswagens, things like that"
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    That's a huge and oddly brand-specific range.

    4.

    Dan Truman says, "We're efforting that as we speak, sir"
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    "Trying," bro.

    5.

    Dan Truman says, "It's what we call a 'Global Killer'"
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    Ah, yes, the scientific name.

    6.

    Grace says, "I was playing with titanium death gauges when I should have been playing with dolls"
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    I want to learn everything about her childhood.

    7.

    Dan Truman's voiceover says, "Whenever they said it couldn't be drilled, this guy drilled it"
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    Amazing. I wish there were a montage of him drilling in super specific, impossible locations, like at the top of a dormant volcano and in a Target dressing room.

    8.

    Harry says, "You wanna send these boys into space, fine, I'm sure they'll make good astronauts, but they don't know jack about drilling"
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    HOW IS THIS HAPPENING?! I love it.

    9.

    AJ says, "Does that mean that there's actually a job that Mr. All-Go-No-Quit-Big-Nuts Harry Stamper can't handle by himself, and needs my expert advice"
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    Big nuts? I know it's a movie thing, but is that honestly a thing people with – to use Armageddon's phrase – nuts think about? Because, if so, why at all?

    10.

    AJ basically says "There are only 5 words I want to hear from you right now: AJ I really look up to you, been a hero of mine for a long time, I'm very impressed with your work, I'm emotionally closed off, that's like, ah that's like 11 words or something"
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    It's 29 words.

    11.

    Truman says, "Here at downtown NASA, we call this the 'Monster Armadillo'"
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    There's a lot here. "Downtown NASA," first of all. Also, Monster Armadillo sounds like a Fall Out Boy song I would 100% listen to.

    12.

    Truman says, "Okay, so you drill, you drop the nuke, and you leave"
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    I will never get over the premise of this movie.

    13.

    An astronaut says, "Houston, this is a kick-ass ride"
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    What a mindset you must be in to say that in a rocket.

    14.

    Oscar says, "We're just in the beginning part of space, we haven't even gotten to outer space yet"
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    I could talk about this for hours.

    15.

    Rockhoud says, "What are you, a fricking cyborg"
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    Robot. Just say robot.

    16.

    Max says, "Friggin' outer space"
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    So they're past the beginning part of space now. Also, "friggin'."

    17.

    AJ says, "Just get in the armadillo, I have an idea"
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    Imagine this in any other context.

    18.

    Chick says, "Oh, man, what're you doing with a gun in space"
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    WHAT IS THIS MOVIE?!

    19.

    Colonel Sharp says, "Get off the nuclear warhead"
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    Classic.

    20.

    Colonel Sharp says, "He's got space dementia"
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    Okay, they've been up there for, at most, two and a half days. How would this have happened already? Also, is "space dementia" an accurate term? My gut says hard no.

    21.

    Harry says, "AJ, I got just five words for you, dDamn I'm glad to see you, boy," and AJ says, "That's six words"
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    It's seven words.

    22. And finally...

    Ronald Quincy says, "it's not over 'til we get the bomb down that hole"
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    This movie is so much and so little at the same.