Now That Abortion Isn't Legal Everywhere In The US, These 50 Things Have More Rights Than I Do

These have more rights than I currently have.

Now that I cannot legally get an abortion anywhere in the United States, my home county, let's take a look at what has more freedom throughout the country* than I do.

* Throughout the 50 states.

1. McDonald's

Brandon Bell / Getty Images

There is a McDonald's in every state. My freedom of choice is not in every state, but you can get a Big Mac wherever you want.

2. Billy Bob Thornton

Mindy Small / FilmMagic

Billy Bob is welcome to go to Oklahoma and do what he wants with his life and his body.

3. Stranger Things

Nurphoto / NurPhoto via Getty Images

Yep! That's right. You can access Netflix in every US state. Stranger Things is more accessible than my freedom.

4. Beets

Nadiasphoto / Getty Images/iStockphoto

I have no doubt in my mind that you can buy a beet in all fifty states. Beets are more legal than my bodily autonomy.

5. Beats by Dre headphones

Joe Sargent / Getty Images

No state has banned Beats by Dre at "time of conception," as if that's the thing to look out for.

6. Barack Obama

Ian Forsyth / Getty Images

American law has agreed that Barack Obama can do what he wants with his life.

7. TJ Maxx

Jetcityimage / Getty Images

There is a TJ Maxx in every US state except Alaska. As of this very moment, I cannot get an abortion in ten US states.

8. Planes

Alvarez / Getty Images

Fun fact: every US state, even Florida, has an airport.

9. Angels & Demons by Dan Brown

Pocket Books

Shockingly, it is legal to buy and read this book in every single state in the United States of America.

10. Guns

Dbenitostock / Getty Images

Guns are legal to own in every US state. My right to my future is not, but guns are.

11. Pete Davidson

Dimitrios Kambouris / Getty Images for The Met Museum/Vogue

He can do whatever he wants. I can only watch on with admiration and confusion.

12. Etsy

Sopa Images / SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images

You can order something off of Etsy, be it a jazzy sweater or a cute little coaster, and have it arrive on your doorstep in every single state in the United States of America! How fun! I cannot get an abortion in West Virginia.

13. The phrase "okey dokey artichokey"

Peopleimages / Getty Images/iStockphoto

I can't get an abortion in South Dakota, but I can scream, "okey dokey artichokey" in the middle of Sioux Falls with zero consequences.

14. Olive Garden

Brett_hondow / Getty Images

There is an Olive Garden in every US state.

15. The Flight Attendant

HBO

A la Stranger Things and Netflix, you can access HBO Max in every state. Have fun watching that show The Flight Attendant while I lose all my rights.

16. The Big Bang Theory

Warner Bros. Television

This is inexcusable. 

17. Fax machines

Luoman / Getty Images/iStockphoto

Fax machines are still enough of a thing that you can get them in every state if you really want. Wish I could say the same for my right to choose!

18. Bill Cosby

Douglas Elbinger / Getty Images

He's free. I could get arrested for getting an abortion in my country.

19. Target

Hapabapa / Getty Images

There is a Target in every state. It's a great place to pick up supplies when you have to go into hiding.

20. Airpods

Natalya Vilman / Getty Images/iStockphoto

You cannot go to jail for getting airpods in Missouri.

21. "Eenie Meenie" by Justin Bieber and Sean Kingston

Island Records

No part of the country bans this tune.

22. Conan O'Brien

Rich Fury / Getty Images

Conan O'Brien needs a friend, and I need the law to think my body is mine.

23. HelloFresh

Sopa Images / SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images

That's right! HelloFresh can "deliver everywhere in the mainland US." Can it deliver me the ability to legally decide the rest of my life?

24. Everybody Loves Raymond

CBS

How is Everybody Loves Raymond more legal than my body being the way I want it to be? How is that true?

25. Canoes

P Weber / Getty Images/iStockphoto

No one's gonna send you to jail for getting a canoe in Alabama. Have fun on the canoe! I am terrified of multiple states in my homeland.

26. Weird novelty candles

Tim Young Photography / Getty Images

Who needs freedom of choice when you can slowly melt Jafar's face?

(Note: I couldn't find a good novelty candle image, so here's just a candle.)

27. Tucker Carlson

Janos Kummer / Getty Images

Clearly he can do what he wants without consequences.

28. Cigarettes

Csa-printstock / Getty Images

The government has decided that cigarettes are chill — which I don't disagree with — but a healthy choice for my body is not.

29. Joe Gorga

Bravo / NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images

Joe Gorga from The Real Housewives of New Jersey has more rights than I do. What are we doing here? What is going on?

30. Starbucks

Eleonore Sens / AFP via Getty Images

Every state has a Starbucks! Can I get a venti understanding of the female body and pregnancy for everybody in power, please?

31. Rivers

Lordhenrivoton / Getty Images

Every state has a river! Still, can I get a venti understanding of the female body and pregnancy for everybody in power, please?

32. Scientology

Aaronp / GC Images

Scientology can hang out all over the country! Love it.

33. That song "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri

Atlantic

Remember that song? Remember when the federal government agreed we should all be in charge of our bodies?

34. Bowen Yang

Rich Fury / Getty Images

Live from New York, it's the patriarchy trying to kill equality!

35. Instagram

Victollio / Getty Images

#howdidweloseabortionhowhasthishappened

36. Claire's

Ucg / UCG/Universal Images Group via Getty Images

In wild news, there is a Claire's in every single US state.

37. Bruno Mars

John Esparza / via Getty Images

He can sing his heart out all over the country. 

38. Football

Gorodenkoff / Getty Images/iStockphoto

Who needs your future when we've got a tailgate to go to! (Did I use "tailgate" correctly in that sentence?)

39. Wiffle Ball

Ontherunphoto / Getty Images/iStockphoto

I'll make sure to keep playing wiffle ball as every right I am entitled to is stolen from me.

40. Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Paramount Network Television

I wish I were a witch so much. I wish every woman were a witch.

41. Milo Ventimiglia

Emma Mcintyre / Getty Images

I am Team Jess and Team Rory's right to choose.

42. Malapropisms

Zgel / Getty Images/iStockphoto

That's what happened! The Supreme Court must have accidentally heard my "right to choose" as their "right to choose for me."

43. Cheese

Milton Rodney Buzon / Getty Images/iStockphoto

You can get cheese in Louisiana. I can get forced into a life I do not want.

44. Sensible shoes

Morsa Images / Getty Images

This is good news because it means I can run from the government in my sneakers.

45. Dylan Sprouse

Arturo Holmes / FilmMagic

This is not the sweet life.

46. Cole Sprouse

Jamie Mccarthy / Getty Images

Cole, what is this vibe here?

47. Denzel Washington

Jamie Mccarthy / Getty Images

The law, correctly, thinks he should be able to choose if and when he has children.

48. Unwanted full-term pregnancies

Serrnovik / Getty Images/iStockphoto

After the Supreme Court's actions, some states essentially require them.

49. Donald Trump

Brandon Bell / Getty Images

He did it. He legally took my body from me and kept his. Congratulations.

50. Everybody else (people who can't get pregnant)

Shanina / Getty Images

In many parts of my home country, I do not have the freedom to do what I want with the body I was born with. I can joke about it and shout out Pete Davidson and cheese, but it is heartbreaking. I will never get over it.