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    Now That Abortion Isn't Legal Everywhere In The US, These 50 Things Have More Rights Than I Do

    These have more rights than I currently have.

    Now that I cannot legally get an abortion anywhere in the United States, my home county, let's take a look at what has more freedom throughout the country* than I do.

    * Throughout the 50 states.

    1. McDonald's

    A McDonalds

    2. Billy Bob Thornton

    Billy Bob Thornton on a red carpet

    3. Stranger Things

    A Stranger Things poster on a street

    4. Beets

    Some beets on a table

    5. Beats by Dre headphones

    A pair of Beats by Dre headphones resting on a small pillar on a football field

    6. Barack Obama

    Barack Obama giving a speech

    7. TJ Maxx

    A TJ Maxx

    8. Planes

    A plane

    9. Angels & Demons by Dan Brown

    Angels and Demons

    10. Guns

    image of a gun

    11. Pete Davidson

    Pete Davidson making a peace sign a smiling at the camera

    12. Etsy

    The Etsy logo on someones phone

    13. The phrase "okey dokey artichokey"

    A man giving a thumbs up

    14. Olive Garden

    An Olive Garden

    15. The Flight Attendant

    View this video on YouTube


    A la Stranger Things and Netflix, you can access HBO Max in every state. Have fun watching that show The Flight Attendant while I lose all my rights.

    16. The Big Bang Theory

    View this video on YouTube

    Warner Bros. Television

    This is inexcusable. 

    17. Fax machines

    A fax machine

    18. Bill Cosby

    photo of bill cosby

    19. Target

    A Target store

    20. Airpods

    A pair of airpods

    21. "Eenie Meenie" by Justin Bieber and Sean Kingston

    View this video on YouTube

    Island Records

    No part of the country bans this tune.

    22. Conan O'Brien

    Conan OBrien smiling on the red carpet

    23. HelloFresh

    Someone using the HelloFresh app on their phone, near a wall with the HelloFresh logo on it

    24. Everybody Loves Raymond

    View this video on YouTube


    How is Everybody Loves Raymond more legal than my body being the way I want it to be? How is that true?

    25. Canoes

    A canoe by a lake

    26. Weird novelty candles

    A candle

    27. Tucker Carlson

    Tucker Carlson speaking at an event

    28. Cigarettes

    An old timey picture of a doctor holding a cigarette and wearing a mask

    29. Joe Gorga

    Joe Gorga posing and smiling at an event for Watch What Happens Live

    30. Starbucks

    A Starbucks on a town street

    31. Rivers

    A river in a hilly area

    32. Scientology

    A Church of Scientology pillar and billboard in Los Angeles

    33. That song "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri

    View this video on YouTube


    Remember that song? Remember when the federal government agreed we should all be in charge of our bodies?

    34. Bowen Yang

    Bowen Yang on the Emmys red carpet

    35. Instagram

    The Instagram app on someones phone

    36. Claire's

    A Claires inside a mall

    37. Bruno Mars

    Bruno Mars performing on a stage

    38. Football

    People playing a game of American football

    39. Wiffle Ball

    A wiffle ball in some grass

    40. Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

    View this video on YouTube

    Paramount Network Television

    I wish I were a witch so much. I wish every woman were a witch.

    41. Milo Ventimiglia

    Milo Ventimiglia smiling while getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

    42. Malapropisms

    A doctor with his hand over his head looking upset

    43. Cheese

    A wheel of cheese

    44. Sensible shoes

    A woman smiling and a work outfit with sneakers

    45. Dylan Sprouse

    Dylan Sprouse wearing a tux on the red carpet

    46. Cole Sprouse

    Cole Sprouse at the Met Gala

    47. Denzel Washington

    Denzel Washington smiling on the red carpet

    48. Unwanted full-term pregnancies

    49. Donald Trump

    Donald Trump speaking at an event

    50. Everybody else (people who can't get pregnant)

    map of the united states