I Rewatched The Pilot Episode Of Pretty Little Liars And I Have Questions

No amount of drama excuses the decision to wear a tie over a waistcoat.

1. Why is everyone using flip phones?

Via mtv.co.uk

iPhones existed in 2010. I know they weren’t as popular as they are now, but Spencer is loaded and Hanna’s mum is obsessed with how the world sees them, so I find it hard to believe that none of the girls had upgraded beyond a flip phone. (Just for the record, the girls don’t upgrade to decent phones until season three, when Hanna suddenly has an iPhone and Spencer is rocking a product-placement Nokia Lumia).

2. Why was anyone ever friends with Ali?

Via tumblr.com

She was manipulative and cruel, openly bullying Emily about her sexuality right from the first scene. She found out her friends' secrets just so she could exploit them. I'm no therapist, but that doesn't seem like a healthy friendship. This wasn't high school-level bullying, this was full-on blackmail. She might have redeemed herself later, but was anyone really surprised that she was the victim of an attempted murder?

3. Exactly how long was Aria in Iceland?

Via images2.fanpop.com

Alison disappeared on September 1 2009. Aria was back in Rosewood by the start of the next school year (in August). Even if the Montgomery family had literally upped and left the day after Ali disappeared*, they were gone less than a year, so everyone needs to calm down.

*(which seems unlikely, because Aria would have had to be interviewed by the police and as questionable as Byron and Ella’s parenting may have been, I can’t believe any parent would move their child half way around the world immediately after their best friend disappeared.)

4. Why does Hanna gain more weight in every flashback?

Via pinterest.com

The whole hefty Hanna plot was problematic enough (we sort of glossed over the part where Ali bullied her into becoming bulimic, and the part where Hanna only learned to love herself once she was skinny) but the only difference between 2009 Hanna and 2010 Hanna is that she switches her baggy tees for more revealing ones. She isn’t noticeably difference for several episodes worth of flashbacks, which just seems odd.

5. Why did anyone find Wilden intimidating?

Via vignette.wikia.nocookie.net

He gets a bit scarier later, I’ll grant, but in this episode he’s literally a child, a fuckboy who gets Hanna off because her mum gets him off. His suit is too big and he doesn’t even seem to have a purpose in the town until Ali’s body is found at the end of the episode.

6. Lucy Hale is just so short.

Not technically a question, I know, but after the pilot episode we barely see Aria out of heels for the entire show and now I understand why. She's just so tiny.

7. What are they wearing?

Via vignette.wikia.nocookie.net, Via pinterest.com, Via pinterest.com

This is the big one. Aria can be forgiven - her quirky fashion sense was a part of her character. But Melissa wears a cardigan over her shoulders without putting her arms in the sleeves and Spencer literally wears a tie over a shirt and waistcoat. The show may have premiered in 2010, but the wardrobe team were clearly stuck in 2003.

8. How was Sasha Pieterse ever cast?

Via pinterest.com, Via coolspotters.com

She may be the perfect Alison, but when she was cast she was just 12 years old. 12. When I was 12 I still played with Bratz dolls. Given that her character's whole plot revolved around her sleeping with Ian and her gruesome murder, it just seems strange that they even considered such a young girl.

(Don't get me wrong, I love Sasha and what she did with the role, it's just terrifying that some of her most iconic scenes were filmed before she was even a teenager.)

9. Exactly when did the creators figure out who A was?

Via bustle.com

When the season 2 finale first aired and people went back looking for clues, I can remember everyone on my twitter freaking out because Mona has her hand under the table when Aria gets her first text from A. Will we ever know if it was deliberate?? Did Marlene King herself even know who A was at that point?

10. What is Pam's problem?

Sure, we learned to love the wine moms but at the start of the show Pam is a bitch. She literally gets mad at Emily for hugging Maya goodbye because the neighbours might have seen. She deals with her daughter’s coming out appallingly but then magically gets over it because paige’s dad has the audacity to be as rude as she was? Pam I love you now but you were a terrible mother.

11. How did nobody catch on about Aria and Ezra?

Via media1.tenor.com

The first thing he says in front of his junior class is “Holy Crap”, and they don’t exactly get any more discreet after that. They literally make out at Ali’s funeral. How did nobody ever notice that she was totally hooking up with her teacher?

12. Does Spencer own a jacuzzi?

Via i.ytimg.com

We see Spencer and Wren wandering around her kitchen in their swimming stuff and (shortly before giving his fiancee's 16 year old sister a sexually-charged massage) he mentions he’s been in the jacuzzi, but we never see it or hear about it again. I mean, Spencer’s garden is the location for some pretty important parts of the show, but somehow we never see the jacuzzi chilling in it? I feel like A definitely would have tried to drown someone in it at some point.

13. Why do we talk about Aria's cuddly pig?

Via tumblr.com

Pigs seem to be important to her, and there was even a theory about Aria being A which tied into this. We know that nothing in this show was ever a coincidence, so it seems strange that this was mentioned so early on and yet never came to anything.

14. Why do police lines in this town never apply to the Liars?

Via vignette.wikia.nocookie.net

Literally every time the police cordon an area off, one or more of the girls runs through it and nobody cares or tries to stop them. It's no wonder the police have it in for them, they have no respect for the cops (most of whom are just trying to protect the town).

15. Why do everyone's parents change so dramatically?

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Spencer and Alison’s parents are so different in the pilot episode. I understand recasting happens, but the new ones don’t even look like their original counterparts. It’s as though they just shoved a few crew members on camera and decided to worry about it later. Jessica ages 20 years and changes her entire personality by the time we see her next. Although, to be fair, Jason and Toby change drastically as well. Maybe there’s just something in the water in this town.

16. Most importantly: why am I doing this to myself?

It's 2018. I am an adult with so many opportunities ahead of me. And yet here I am, rewatching Pretty Little Liars like I don't have a care in the world. Send help immediately.