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It's the end of the World's Worst Superbowl and the beginning of America's Sweetheart Daniel Dores's birthday, so you know what that means....it's apparently still free agency season. Take a break from gambling away all your money on where Manny Machado will go, and take this quiz I definitely did not make during work hours. Maybe you'll learn a little bit about yourself, a little bit about the 2019 free agents, and a little bit about how much my writing skills have deteriorated since graduating college. Happy Birthday Danny, you'll always be my #1 draft pick!

What 2019 MLB Free Agent Are You?

Where do you want to vacation in the off-season?

How are you driving away from tonight's game?

Pick a baseball movie to watch on the plane to spring training:

Let's give Ken Rosenthal a break. Tell us what MLB team you want to play for in 2019?

Hey hot shot check you out, you’re a real big deal. You’re like that hot Mormon girl in high school that every boy wanted to ask out but was too scared to ask. And once they got up the courage to ask you to prom you were like “only if you date me for 10 years and give me 350 million dollars” and everyone was like wow um that’s insane we’re not doing that please calm down. And then your super unstable dad went around telling all the boys how great your hair and clothes are in hopes they’d date you but it didn’t work out and now it’s February and you don’t have a date to the prom. Yikes. In your defense, you do have great hair.

Bryce Harper, 26, OF

That’s _El Ministro_ to you! You’ve really got it all: a silver bat, a golden glove, and these cute little ears that make you look like a loveable mini elephant. But every rose has its thorns: A crazy agent, a high price tag, and a pack of rabid casual baseball fans posting about your every move on Twitter. Why can’t the paparazzi just give you a break?? You deserve a nice $250 mil, 7 year contract and cookie. You may have heard a few boos in the postseason, but don't fool yourself: Every team wants a 26-year-old shortstop coming off a 37-homer, 5.7 bWAR season. OR DO THEY??????

Manny Machado, 26, SS

You’re having the best year of your life man, congratulations! You’ve just given the Nationals the scariest pitching rotation in the league, and you’re just flat-out adorable to top it off. Just like any normal millennial in the new year, you’re banking on striking out 250 batters a season, walking nearly no one, meeting and exceeding everyone’s expectations, earning 150 million dollars, finding affordable housing in Washington DC, surviving the daily grind of Washington DC, hoping to not kill yourself in Washington DC, and staying 29-years-old for the rest of your life! Man you’ve got it all, and you’re definitely NOT too big to fail or anything!! We hear DC is an awesome city to not get cursed in. Good luck buddy!

Patrick Corbin, 29, SP

WILLLLLSONNNNNNN!! Congratulations on being the most well-liked person in baseball. From your friendly demeanor, to your undying love for your family, to your ability to bounce back from injuries – and a literal KIDNAPPING IN VENEZUELA – you’re all around a really, really great person. You may not have, like, any healthy ACLs left, but what team doesn’t want you after slashing .306/.358/.487 with 15 homers in 111 games? You the man, Buffalo.

Wilson Ramos, 31, C

Bless your heart. You’re the sweetest, most innocent player out there and you deserve the world. Whether you’re being a total goof on the field making everyone laugh or you’re absolutely c r u s h i n g the Mets in their own house after they traded you, you’re a real shining star of a guy. Sure you make some weird, unfounded homophobic comments from time to time, but what young, white, privileged baseball player doesn’t (am I right Trea Turner!?). Crank that Christian Rock and keep up that .299 career average Murph Man!!!

Daniel Murphy, 33, SB

Phew, you must be exhausted. After a really intense seven-year relationship full of ups and downs, a Cy Young Award, two All-Star games, four Golden Gloves, one World Series, and a Partridge in a Pear Tree, you’re finally free! Like a small bird fallen from the nest, you’re looking out at a Brave(s) New World outside of Houston. Being newly single is exciting (new titles, more money, new fans, new uniforms that aren’t hideously orange), but it can be scary too. You come out of the gate strong! You drink! You party! Then a week in you realize you’re probably not a Number 1 on a World Series contender and you consider backsliding to relive all your formal romance and glory. Well don’t let the breakup blues get to you. You’re as reliable as any free-agent starter on the market, and there are plenty of fish in the NL, baby.

Dallas Keuchel, 31, SP

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What 2019 MLB Free Agent Are You?

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