I don't know about y'all, but as an introvert, social interactions don't always come easy for me — sometimes, it feels like everyone else got an instruction manual for interacting with new people that I missed out on. This is also true when it comes to people I don't naturally mesh with, but have to deal with for the sake of work (either coworkers or customers), extended family (you can't choose 'em!), or my social circle (like, a friend's boyfriend).
So, when Reddit user u/armandogregorye asked about psychological "tricks," I was super interested — was this the illustrious instruction manual I have searched for my whole life??? Or, was this a how-to guide for becoming an evil supervillain?
I suppose that's for you to decide — here are 32 psychological "tricks" and tips people sware work.
1. "I used to work with a guy who was super opinionated about everything... he would die on every single hill, usually for the stupidest reasons. Like, everyone in the room would agree our next meeting should be Tuesday at 3 p.m., [and] he would grind the entire process to a halt, single-handedly arguing that the next meeting should be Tuesday at 3:15 p.m. He'd dig his heels in and argue until it wore everyone down and we did it his way. Whenever he was called out for it, he justified it by saying he was a person of strong conviction and that he would always 'speak up for what he believed.' I started getting ahead of it by crediting him for ideas he didn't have. So, in the example I just gave, I'd chime in first and say, 'Brent and I were talking earlier, and I liked his idea of meeting at 3 p.m.'"
"Or, I would say, 'Brent had an interesting idea,' and I would go on to share my idea as if Brent had told me. He always looked really confused, but he never argued."
2. "If you want people to like you, just let them talk about themselves and don’t argue with anything. People love to talk about their lives, and usually, nobody cares. Giving that person a chance to speak while you just listen will subconsciously make them like you (or at least not dislike you)."
3. "Repeat the last two or three words in a sentence somebody just spoke and they will usually expand upon that thought. This can help with conversations when you don’t know what to say exactly but you want to learn more about the other person."
4. "I sometime ask people about something I know the answer to, and [when] they answer correctly, they feel good because they knew something I didn't, and helped me."
5. "If you want someone to do you a favor, phrase the question so that they have to say no to agree with you. ... I’ve tried that many times, and I can’t believe how effective it is. The principle is that people like saying no because it makes them feel like they’re in control. If you’re asking for a favor, they’re doing something for you. By letting them say no, they still feel like they’re in control."
"The other day, I needed an extension of a deadline so I wrote an email briefly explaining what I was dealing with. At the end, instead of asking for an extension, I said 'given [the above], would April 28 be an inappropriate deadline?' The first time I tried it, some guy had been saying he’d call back but never did. I texted him, 'Would you be opposed to calling me back today?' Within five minutes, he called and apologized."
"Don’t say hey can you do [this], say something along the lines of 'would it inconvenience you if you helped me do [this]."
6. "If someone says something rude or slightly offensive off the cuff (usually 'tell it how it is' types), I ask them, 'What do you mean?' This forces them to evaluate what they've said."
"I do this all of the time. Playing dumb is a useful tactic to get people to explain their half baked ideas so you can see how well they actually grasp what they’re talking about. It usually nicely opens the door for me to respond, 'Interesting you see it that way, but I don’t agree' after they give their answer. This is a nice way to help them realize that their way of thinking isn’t shared by everyone, which if they have any self-awareness, will help them think twice before saying that in the future.
I try to do this calmly and in a friendly and non-condescending way, because I am actually curious as to why people hold the views they do, even if I find those views problematic. By approaching disagreements in this way, I’ve actually had a lot of luck having nuanced conversations about people’s beliefs and helping them understand my perspective. Unless they’re just a total asshole, a lot of times this actually helps create a deeper understanding and tolerance for all involved."
"I usually go for 'hmm, that's interesting.' Mostly because it can usually get them to do all that processing in their head. Asking them to say it out loud doesn't give them an opportunity to save face and puts them in the defensive. If you think it didn't stick, you can sometimes follow up later when the moment of confrontation has passed to explain in more detail."
7. "If someone keeps talking over you in an argument, say that you want two minutes to speak without interruption, but you'll give them the same courtesy. And they can go first. 'Go.'"
"An old boss of mine was the CEO of 37 companies. He got extremely tired of listening to one person, and they talked over each other on a conference call like three times in a row. The CEO then said, 'Listen, John, I’m going to stop talking for awhile, and let you talk. Just let me know when you're done, and then I’ll talk.' When given the opportunity, John had no further comment."
8. "If the person is shouting/aggressive/rude, talk more and more quietly with each response. They'll reduce their own volume alongside you."
9. "If you are in a meeting with someone who can be confrontational, sit next to them."
"It makes the rude person uncomfortable; they often won't lash out at people next to them."
10. And... "If that confrontational person likes to toss insults or make mean jokes about you, pause the conversation and have them repeat it two or three times, as if you couldn't hear it clearly the first time. It takes the sting out of the comment and highlights them as a jerk to the rest of the people in the meeting. They usually stop after the first time you do this."
11. "When a 'superior' is talking down to you, say the least amount of words as possible and stare directly at their forehead; never look them in the eyes. Keep a calm demeanor. This will absolutely destroy a superiority complex in the most subtle way possible."
"Also, fun to do to a superior/authority: Lightly scratch the bottom of your nostril or the crease of your lips with one finger every now and then while maintaining eye contact. They will think they have something in their nose/on their mouth."
12. "When someone is trying to bully you, don’t react. Just stare blankly and say, 'Are you okay?' I do this to my boss frequently."
"Be sure to feign genuine concern. It’s funny to watch them try to stay combative."
13. "Not as fun, but it's a great way to make a valid complaint without ruffling feathers: Stay calm, keep a low voice, [and] empathize with the customer service desk ('I know it's just you back here, I don't want you to think I'm a Karen...'). Explain the issue as if it's your fault ('I bought this to be a special gift for my dad, he's the reason I'm into it as well, but I was really disappointed in the quality'). Deflect blame again, ('Idk it's probably just a glitch in the matrix) and then suggest what you want ('is there any way you can help me make this right for my dad?'). I've done this pretty much any time I have to ask customer service for something. Also, thank them constantly. If you are beyond nice to people or even just give them the same niceness as you, you're more likely to get what you want."
14. "Tell someone you only have two minutes to talk, and then start your conversation. The false time pressure can make them pay much more attention."
"If it's a good conversation and you stay longer, they feel special, important, and like you genuinely enjoy being around them. This works best in a professional setting or with an acquaintance. It also goes back to the 'people won't always remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel.'"
15. "Ask your son if he wants milk and he'll say no, but ask him if he wants milk in a blue cup or a red cup and he'll choose a color and drink his milk! Magic!"
"I do that trick all the time as a doctor. Instead of asking the child if I can look in his ears, I ask if he wants me to look in the left one or the right one first. Makes them feel they have some control."
"This works for everything. I'm asking mine if he wants to go to bed in five minutes or 15 minutes and let him choose. It basically gives a child a sense of control in a situation. This really works every time, be it tidying up his room or getting up in the morning."
16. "This can be expanded upon to include pretty much any choice. 'Okay, are you going to make your bed or are you going to pick up your toys?' Both are good choices. I used this all the time as an elementary school teacher."
17. "One of my friends is a teacher, and she used to get her students to speed the hell up in their choices by making them close their eyes, [put their] heads down on the table, and...show their answer with their fingers held up (i.e. one finger for option one, two fingers for option two, etc.) with a three-second time limit. Evidently, this reduced self-consciousness on what everyone else picked got them to answer in a timely manner as opposed to endlessly thinking about an answer that didn’t really matter in the first place, and just made her job easier on her part of dragging answers out of students."
18. "Instead of asking my wife where she wants to eat out, I’ll ask her to guess where I’m taking her, then she’ll answer, and that’s where I’ll take her. She’s very indecisive. I believe this cuts through that like butter, and she’s loved it every time."
19. Speaking of choices — if you actually want to influence their choice... "When giving options, give a subtle nod to the option you want them to pick."
20. You can also use priming to try to get people to agree with you (this video explains it better than I can) — one example the video uses is by asking why a job interviewer brought you in (to prime them to already be thinking of what fits you for the job).
If you doubt this works, try a simple experiment that demonstrates priming: "Tell someone this: 'What is the word spelled 'S-H-O-P?' Make sure that they say 'Shop.' Then immediately ask them: 'What do you do when you come to a green light?' Their answer will likely be wrong."
"You can also test it out using rock, paper, scissors, by priming your partner to think about scissors. Ask your opponent what color their shirt is just before you play, and there is a significantly higher chance they'll choose scissors, so you play rock. I'd say I've done this probably 50 times over the years, and they've played scissors 40 odd times."
21. This is also essentially how many psychics and horoscopes work: "Ask someone their zodiac sign and read the description for a different sign. They’ll likely agree that the description fits them."
22. "If you ask someone a question and they only partially answer, just wait. If you stay silent and keep eye contact, they will usually continue talking."
23. "When you know someone's lying, just say the person they were most likely to confide in ratted them out. People get angry thinking they've [been] betrayed and readily reveal what they think was told."
24. "This is entirely anecdotal, but it's worked for me for years: While walking through bad neighborhoods, people seem less likely to bother you if you're eating something. I think a lot of it has to do with appearing calm, but I've never had anyone give me a hard time while I'm munching on an apple or banana or whatever. Much safer than fiddling with one's smartphone, anyway."
"Animals/humans only eat when they feel safe or unthreatened. When someone observes you eating, they infer that you are not a threat either."
"Hi, psychologist here! So, basically, your nervous system has different sub-systems. Two of which control the four F's. The sympathetic is for fight or flight, the autonomic is for food and fucking.
These two are opposites; they can't really be active at the same time. Think of it like diverting energy from one grid to another. So, if you're scared, your brain diverts energy from your digestive system to your muscles and adrenal glands, which is why you can lose your appetite under extreme stress. However, the brain is also easily fooled, so by chewing gum or eating, the body will automatically start producing saliva if something is in your mouth. This makes your brain think, 'Oh, I must be alright, lol,' and energy is diverted back to the autonomic system. Thus, your body language is relaxed, less tense, and you look like less of a target that way."
25. "If in a classroom/meeting setting and you suspect someone is watching you, YAWN then turn to see if they yawn also. if they do, they've been watching you closely."
26. "My father always taught me that if you really want people to listen to you and take onboard what you have to say, that you should tell them that it's something that your father taught you." (Yes, we see what you did there.)
"I did something similar when I was a new boss. My crew had worked with me, so they didn't automatically listen when I said to do something. So, I just started saying, 'The captain says we need to...' until they trusted me enough to just do what I said on my own authority. It was kind of annoying and felt dismissive of myself, but whatever. It worked."
27. "If you're lying, always, always, ALWAYS include some detail that is embarrassing to you. It makes your story far more believable. For example...instead of saying, 'No, I wasn't at Jimson James's house. I was with Randy the whole time,' try saying, 'No, I haven't been to Jimson's in a while. I clogged his toilet so I don't think his parents want me over there for a while. ... So me and Randy hung out.' The extra embarrassing detail makes your story seem more truthful. It gets you out of a lot of shit."
28. "To tack on to this: If you can tell a lie but keep it 90% truthful, it will be harder to catch. Most people who go to verify your story (besides trained investigators) will just stop and trust after one or two aspects have been proven true. The bigger the lie, the easier to spot."
30. "Apparently, mirroring people, like doing similar body movements and using the same words, makes them like you more as they feel more connected to you. Be careful, though, to not overdo it, because there is a thin line between mirroring and mocking."
31. "People like you more if you ask them a small favor within the first day or so of meeting them. Like, to borrow a pen or help fixing an uneven desk. It creates a bond."
32. And finally... "When ingratiating yourself to someone, don't give the obvious compliment. Say someone has gorgeous, thick, long hair. Find something less obvious to compliment them on. It's likely they get a lot of comments about the obvious thing. A different compliment will stick with them more."
What's a psychological trick you like to use? Let us know in the comments below!
Submissions have been edited for length/clarity.