I really do not know what news to expect when I wake up anymore. But at least this morning, Twitter delivered with some "news" I had been waiting quite some time for: that Barbie has a girlfriend.
BARBIE HAS A GIRLFRIEND I REPEAT BARBIE HAS A GIRLFRIEND
In case you're confused, here's how we got here: Barbie started trending on Twitter after a photo of her with another female doll wearing "Love Wins" shirts resurfaced. And...people were pretty excited.
Tonight we're learning that Barbie can be her full self when you kick the white supremacists off of Twitter.
Many saw the photo as an announcement of Barbie's bisexuality.
ok l, i see you barbie with the iconic bisexual hair cut 💗💙💜
But, unfortunately, we gotta get the facts straight (lol) here: the source of the photo is actually a 2017 collaboration with fashion blogger Aimee Song, and it appears to paint Barbie as an ally rather than a member of the LGBTQ community.
View this photo on Instagram
The left doll is a version of Aimee, and the dolls are wearing miniature versions of "Love Wins" shirts Aimee was selling for charity. When asked about Barbie's sexuality, Mattel told the Guardian that Barbie's an “inclusive brand that celebrates diversity, kindness, and acceptance."
That's right. An "ally."
But you know what? It doesn't matter. Because if you've seen even a single Barbie film, you know the truth.
People being surprised Barbie is gay like-
Like Princess and the Pauper...
They say it’s Barbie’s first girlfriend, conveniently forgetting about these two
...Barbie Dreamhouse Adventures...
are you the barbie or her skater gf renee in your relationship
...Barbie Dolphin Magic...
why are people surprised that barbie is gay as if this scene doesn't exist
...Barbie: Mermaidia...
barbie has a girlfriend??? miss barbie gay?? we been knew
...but most sapphic of all, of course, is the legendary piece of queer cinema Barbie and the Diamond Castle.
and the og cottage core lesbians alexa and liana from barbie and the diamond castle 🙏 so true barbie
In the movie, Alexa and Liana are "besties" who live together in a tiny cottage, sleeping IN THE SAME ROOM. They spend their days tending their beautiful garden and singing to each other about their "connection."
Listen, this is a sapphic fantasy and you know it.
If "Two Voices, One Song" isn't talking about a relationship, then I no longer know what a relationship is.
Those loving looks...
"BUT THEY DON'T KISS AND THEY HAVE BOYFRIENDS!!" you say.
First of all, kissing in Barbie movies is super rare. They certainly don't kiss their "boyfriends" in this one. And secondly, whatever, they meet a couple of attractive brunette boys. Do they LIVE with those boys?!? Do they sleep in the same room with those boys? Do they even sing love songs with those boys? NO! Listen, it's 2021. We don't have time or energy for heteronormative assumptions! They also return to their garden at the end without the boys, riding away in a diamond carriage.
I mean, just WATCH this scene. I don't sing love ballads with my besties.
"BuT wHaT aBoUt KeN?!?" I hear you cry.
barbie and ken breaking up and then barbie getting a girlfriend is the greatest plot twist of all time💀
Listen, we don't need to worry about Ken. Ken's fine. It is time for Ken to follow Barbie's lead and live his best life.
Now that Barbie came out - can we please free him from the restraints of heterosexuality? #barbz
In conclusion...we knew all along.
retweet if u, like barbie, had/have a "fairy secret"