Sex isn't always sexy. Sometimes people do and say things in the heat of the moment that later make them want to facepalm in embarrassment.
So Reddit user u/eatthecheddar posed the question: "What’s something you did during sex that was so stupid you still facepalm about it today?" The thread quickly filled with stories that had me cringing in secondhand embarrassment. Here are some of the best ones:
1. "On my honeymoon, my (now ex) husband and I decided to get drunk, eat snacks, and watch Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. While doing so, we started fooling around and trailed off to the bedroom to finish what we started. While I started going down on him, I noticed he was squirming and wincing. I asked him what was the matter, to which he replied, 'It burns?' It was only then I realized I had just been snacking on extra flaming hot Cheetos right beforehand."
"After rushing to get a wet cloth and repeatedly apologizing, I couldn’t stop laughing at the fact that I had just given my new husband a flamin’ hot blowjob."
2. "My husband was trying to talk dirty to me and finished a sentence by calling me a 'silly goose.' Sex was postponed for a good 15 minutes while I laughed my ass off."
3. "My (now ex) boyfriend was trying to take my tight jeans off, and struggling mightily to get them over my hips. I lifted my hips up to assist with the process and the jeans came off quickly. He flew backward and hit his head on the wall. It was absolutely hilarious and I laughed. He did not find it equally as funny, and sexy times were postponed so he could nurse his head injury and his pride."
4. "Not me, but my husband: He was being silly and jumped up on the bed. He accidentally hit the overhead light with his hand, which caused pieces of glass to rain down onto the bed and cut a gash in his calf. No sex for us that night."
5. "We were lying on my couch in a kind of '69' position. Her shorts were pulled down and I was just kind of grabbing her ass and getting closer to her vagina, rubbing and all that. Then I noticed this string and thought it was a thread from her panties. So, naturally, I wanted to grab it and tear it off. I grabbed it, gave a slight tug, and said, 'You have a string.' I've never seen a girl pull her pants up quicker in my life."
"I knew she was on her period but I wasn’t even thinking. I instantly hugged her tightly and apologized. We just laughed for the next 10 minutes. She was more embarrassed than I was, but damn I felt stupid. I’m just glad we laughed and hugged it off."
6. "You know those Listerine breath strips? Well, if you put one in your mouth and let it dissolve, then go down on your partner, it can give them a nice sensation. I was waiting for my husband in a very dark bedroom and I reached for the breath strips. Instead of putting one in my mouth, I ended up putting what must have been eight or nine. They started melting and it was overwhelming. My husband came in and turned on the light to find me scooping blue goop out of my mouth with blue drool on my chin and watery eyes. Not exactly the sexiest scenario."
7. "This girl was on top, and I had to fart really bad. I wasn't sure what to do, so I just tried to hold it in. She started to get more into it and picked up the pace, which caused a series of tiny rhythmic farts every time she came down. It sounded like a machine gun. She stopped and asked if I farted and I blamed the squeaky bed."
8. "Slapped my own ass."
9. "He told me to arch my back while we were doing it doggy style. I arched it the wrong way (up) and he had to say, "No, the other way."
10. "An old girlfriend of mine said she wanted to be slapped while we were going at it. After 100% ensuring she really wanted to be slapped, I slapped her. I missed her cheek and smacked her right in the nose. She yelled, 'Ow, fuck!' but, thankfully, didn't hold it against me."
11. "I thigh-fucked my ex. I hadn't noticed it until, after a few minutes, she said, 'I don’t know what you’re doing, but can you put it inside?'"
12. "When I came, my upper body froze up and I drooled on her face. I felt the spit making its way out and I couldn’t move my arms or body. This happened twice with the same girl."
13. "Getting my wife's bra off — too many damn straps and crap. I muttered, 'Rubik's boob,' and we started laughing so hard we killed the moment."
14. "Sex with a bald girl — I'm hitting it from the back and I'm super horny. In the moment, I couldn't think of an alternative to hair pulling, so I just grabbed her head like a fucking basketball. She started dying laughing immediately."
15. Finally: "I went down on my wife and I had one of those endless handkerchief things magicians use. I said, 'What is this?' then I started pulling 17 handkerchiefs out of her privates with a big, stupid smile on my face. She said it killed the mood."
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.