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    Updated on Aug 1, 2020. Posted on Jul 30, 2020

    People Are Sharing The Most NSFW Historical Facts And They Are Actually Pretty Wild

    TLDR: people in the past were horny.

    Recently, Reddit user waxlrose asked people to share the most NSFW history facts they knew. Here are the most shocking ones.

    1. Ancient Egyptians believed that the god of creation birthed the world by masturbating, and viewed it as a magical act.

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    The belief was that Atum – whose name comes from the word "completion" – was alone on the planet until he ejaculated and all the living creatures were made.

    2. The world's first microbiologist Antonie van Leeuwenhoek discovered sperm after putting his own semen under the microscope.

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    Anton started off by examining more family-friendly objects under the microscope, but his colleagues kept urging him to investigate semen.

    Before his discovery of sperm (which he called animalcules), there were some questionable theories about how babies were made, including the belief that semen contained really tiny humans that were transferred to women during sex.

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    3. During WW1, STIs were incredibly common, and some soldiers purposely tried to get infected so that they could be honourably discharged and avoid the trenches.

    NIH US National Library of Medicine / Via nlm.nih.gov

    Some soldiers were ordered to be chaste, but that didn't really help. Those who had managed to hide their infections used match sticks to transfer the pus to another man.

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    4. Mozart composed a song which literally translates to "Lick me in the arse."

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    The prodigy wrote the canon as a party piece for his friends. While the literal translation sounds pretty raunchy, "Leck mich im Arsch" is the equivalent of "kiss my ass," so it's not quite as outrageous as you might think.

    Elrick_James

    HBO

    5. Lewis and Clark kept journals detailing the "violent diarrhoea" that they and their fellow explorers had.

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    The explorers didn't take a physician along with them, and it showed. They graphically recorded all of their challenges, which also included chafed thighs, boils, and mosquito bites. One team member even died from his diarrhoea.

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    6. Author Victor Hugo was so popular with the local sex workers, when he died, every brothel in Paris closed down for a day of mourning.

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    Victor, who wrote The Hunchback of Notre Dame, was a celeb in Paris, and was pretty obsessed with sex. He was such a loyal customer that all the city's sex workers had the chance to pay their last respects to him. One account even claimed that some workers draped their genitals in black material as a sign of respect.

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    7. In Ancient Greece, large penises were associated with foolishness, which would explain why so many statues have tiny ones.

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    Evidence suggests that back then, small penises were what the people wanted. According to the myths, Priapus, a god of fertility, was cursed by Hera and was horrible, impotent, and ugly. Statues of him always show him with a huge boner, which is the complete opposite to depiction of the more popular gods.

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    8. George Washington suffered from such severe hemorrhoids that he sometimes had to travel lying down.

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    George was a pretty sickly guy – he also had smallpox, TB, and dysentery. At first, he tried to hide his hemorrhoids, but they became so debilitating that at times he couldn't sit.

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    9. The last German Emperor, Kaiser Wilhelm II had a teenage crush on his mum, and even wrote her letters detailing the sexual dreams he had about her.

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    Wilhelm, who happened to be Queen Victoria's grandson, tried to win his mum over by telling her he dreamed of kissing her, among other disturbing things. She (obviously) didn't take him up on his advances and just corrected his grammar.

    EvStar03

    Netflix

    10. Mary Shelley, the author of Frankenstein, had sex in the graveyard her mum was buried in.

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    Shelley spent a lot of time visiting her mother's grave in St. Pancras churchyard, and had a big interest in life and death. When she met her future husband, Percy, she took him along to the graveyard, and that's where they got it on.

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    11. Irish Author James Joyce wrote some pretty kinky love letters about farts.

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    When Joyce was away in Italy, he wrote letters to his partner Nora, and he did not hold back. He explicitly detailed almost every sex act you could think of, and mentioned farting during sex a lot. He really put the NS in NSFW, so read with caution.

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    12. In Tudor times, assisting royalty on the toilet was an official job, and it was pretty sought after.

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    The Groom of the Stool had to go into the toilet with the monarch and assist them in any way needed – they were basically a toilet buddy. We all know that Henry Viii had a pretty heavy diet, so it can't have been an easy job. But whoever had it had constant alone time with the king, which obviously came with its benefits.

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    13. When he was 27, author Edgar Allan Poe married his 13-year-old cousin.

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    Edgar's dad and Virginia's mum were siblings. They lived together in a family home before they were publicly married in 1836, and Virginia's age was listed as 21. She died at 24, and critics believe that "The Raven" was inspired by her illness and death.

    Luke_Zig

    NBC

    14. When Churchill was visiting the Whitehouse during WWII, Franklin D. Roosevelt walked in on him naked.

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    According to the accounts, FDR wanted to run an idea past Churchy, so he burst into his bathroom, where he was standing naked after the bath. Churchill was pretty chill about it all, and when the Roosevelt tried to leave, he just said: "You see, Mr President, I have nothing to hide from you."

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    15. King Tutankhamun was mummified with a boner.

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    Yep, when his embalmed body was discovered, his penis stood upright. Historians believe that it was arranged like this deliberately to symbolise the political struggle of Egypt at the time.

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    16. When Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel he added in a bunch of secret messages, including what some believed were insults to the pope.

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    The fresco has hidden messages from Jewish tradition, symbols of the female anatomy, and what some historians have interpreted as direct insults to the pope who commissioned the piece. Basically, Michelangelo was trolling, 15th century style.

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    17. Mahatma Gandhi would routinely sleep naked next to young naked women as a test of his restraint.

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    Gandhi took a vow of chastity at 38, and he had some bizarre methods. He would hold these "experiments" to put his purity to the test, and encouraged others to do the same. One of the women he slept with was his 18-year-old grandniece, Manu.

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    18. English colonists in Jamestown resorted to cannibalism in the Starving Time of 1609-10.

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    When the colonisers travelled from England to Jamestown, they were hit with a hurricane, and so their food stores were depleted, leaving them very very hungry.

    After eating their horses, dogs, cats, rats, and boots, some turned to cannibalism. There are eyewitness accounts that recall people digging up graves, and there was one story about a man who killed and ate his pregnant wife.

    If that wasn't disturbing enough, in 2013, the body of a 14-year-old-girl who had been brutally cannibalised was discovered. The details are pretty sickening, so read at your own risk.

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    19. German actor Renate Müller claimed that Hitler had begged her to repeatedly kick him for sexual gratification.

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    According to film director Arnold Zeissler, Hitler requested the movie star to be sent to him. One morning, he came across Renate, who told him that she and Hitler had gotten undressed, but instead of having sex, he fell on the floor and begged her kick him. He then allegedly masturbated in front of her, then thanked her.

    In 1937, Renate fell out of a window and died. Some accounts state she jumped to her death, but there was speculation that the Gestapo were involved.

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    Don't forget to share your NSFW history facts in the comments below!