1.
My nephew just asked me if I was alive during the great fire of London
2.
My toddler daughter’s three energy levels
3.
Yesterday my two and a half year old goddaughter was asked by her mum who her best friend is and she said: “cheese with pasta” and every time I think about it I well up.
4.
Kids are effortlessly hilarious 😂😂😂
5.
6yo (to her crying brother): "It's okay to be sad, sometimes we need to let our feelings out, just let yourself be sad." Me: "Oh darling, that's so lovely, well done. Why is he crying?" 6yo: "I hit him." #mumlife
6.
My two year old daughter was tired but she doesn’t know how to say that yet. So she held her head in her hands and said the full sentence, “I having a hard time.”
7.
Kids have their own cards and they get pocket money weekly to spend on whatever they want. Youngest, 13 next week, spent over £30 on one thing the other day, saying that I’ll find out what it is when it gets here. It came today...
8.
My son just asked me how I know his name…… I’m not in the mood today
9.
Little boy on the train (to me): Want to know what my name is? Me: Ok. Little boy: It's Artichoke Marie. His mum: Kamal! Little boy: Sshhh!
10.
honestly i'm embarrassed to even say i love my 3-year-old son because of how insufferable i find his fanbase (friends from daycare)
11.
@BigNeyogems Girl my son asked me if I had kids last week.
12.
If you were thinking about having kids, DON’T. My 2 year old locked me out of the house for 2 hours, I had to meet my husband half way to get his house key while my parents watched my son through the window
13.
[watching Tangled with my Daughter] Daughter: dada Me: yes? Daughter: do you think Rapunzel buys her shampoo at Costco? Me: I mean-I do now.
14.
A kid in the Dallas airport tapped me on the leg while we waited in a line, then whispered: “Hey! Guess what. My dad’s jet ski sank in a lake and WE NEVER SAW HIM AGAIN.” Kid’s mom: “STOP TELLING PEOPLE THAT!”
15.
Thrilled to announce that instead of saying “What are you doing?” my 2-year-old child goes around asking, in a tiny haunting voice, “What have you done?”
16.
My 6 year old granddaughter flat out refuses to believe that we used to navigate using maps made out of paper. “What, like pirates?”
17.
Kid in my son’s class explained to me that she was sure he has two moms because he has “the pretty mom and the other mom.” She described each to me in some detail. Reader, both are me.
18.
Took my 6-year-old to get his 1st Covid shot & afterwards he said, "That didn't hurt, I'm sure getting a tattoo will be easy."
19.
If you were my 2-year-old, where would you hide your brother's brand new passport?
20.
My 5 year old niece learned my phone number so now she calls me 12 times a day and this morning we were chatting and I heard her sister walk in and say “is that uncle Daniel?” and she yelled back “no. Just Eli. I don’t know Daniel‘s number or I would have called him instead.”
21.
Just witnessed a child in a zero waste shop yell ‘LENTILS’ before opening the lentil pipe and allowing them to gush forth. Chaos. Lentils everywhere
22.
😭😭 guys my little sister caught me crying and i accidentally vented to her abt how much i hate my body so she started singing 'all about that bass' to make me feel better stop
23.
I’m now 4 years in and this is what I would describe fatherhood as like
24.
A child said to my son ‘can you play with me’ and he said ‘Fire fi dat’ What’s his actual problem man kmt.
25.
My mom is like “your toddler eats HUMMUS?!” 🤯 and my millenial mom friends are like “is that store bought hummus?? Making your own is so easy tho!” 🥰 which solidifies for me that I would have been a fantastic 90s mom.
26.
Today my 5 yr old niece borrowed my phone to ask Siri: “why are butterfly wings so soft that I cannot even touch them?” then she called 911.
27.
Whenever the child wants to eat out for dinner, he asks me if I can take him out on a “date”. I asked him why he calls it that and he said, “because we love each other and you always pay.” 💀💀💀
28.
So I gave 6YO a grilled cheese sandwich. She gasped, “Mom! You made me this sandwich one time, and I’ve been wanting you to make it again for like 50 years, but I didn’t know what it was called!”
29.
My son this morning at breakfast said, "I tried to be funny, but it turned into a disaster," thus proving he is ready to join Twitter.