1.
The GP receptionist when I’m trying to get an appointment
2.
Bless him
3.
This meal just wolf whistled at me in a van https://t.co/CiJgJ2DhT2
4.
Simon Amstell’s mum: https://t.co/baG5a6fudA
5.
Can’t believe it’s been nearly 3 years since covid enabled me to bring alcohol into any venue disguised as hand sanitiser
6.
Please tell me there's at least one person on the picket line of the teachers' strike with a sign that says "it's your own time you're wasting"
7.
I’m pro choice but this was tough to see
8.
New Russel T davis series sounds wild https://t.co/SfklSfAszO
9.
Waitrose subbed Quorn chicken nuggets for this lol I-
10.
Grow up
11.
https://t.co/Ju3ucyWtzk
12.
Otherwise known as “making dinner”
13.
My favourite part of going to the cinema is firing up the reviews on the way home and having a little man who writes for the guardian explain to me that the film I just enjoyed is shit actually and I was just too stupid to realise it
14.
If it’s one thing a UK dentist will do, they’re gonna set up their clinic in a semi detached house!!
15.
Do you ever randomly remember that Don’t Tell the Bride episode where the groom blew all the money on a Vegas stag and ceremony then couldn’t afford to take the bride’s sister, so just left her at the airport crying
16.
This train seems gutted about where it’s going.
17.
fair play, that’s a decent signing.
18.
Flat above Greggs. The dream. The nightmare.
19.
dads new birthday present
20.
The Apprentice is like a greatest hits of everyone you’ve ever hated sitting next to on a train
21.
He wanders here and there, they say... Here's Mr Blobby in the Prancing Pony in Lord of the Rings:
22.
I know we’re in a cost of living crisis but bloody hell
23.
Brexit - the story so far:
24.
See the Weston-Super-Mare tourist board are trying a new slogan.
25.
o2 priority down for beyonce presale... but who's at the front of the queue?
26.
Rishi Sunak to outline all of the UK’s achievements in the three years since we left the EU, in what experts are calling the most important 45 seconds of his career.
27.
“Your parcel is with Evri”
28.
If your cat sits on your computer keyboard half way through an online shop, always check the basket when checking out.
29.
jk rowling is katie hopkins for people who shop at waitrose
Thumbnail credits: Searchlight Pictures / ITV