1.
Can’t believe The Undertaker showed up at Wolves vs Liverpool tonight
3.
Was in Paris on Friday night and a handsome French man was flirting with me and I asked him what his name was and he said (very Frenchly) “Ah you will be disappointed” and I thought what a silly thing to say and then he said “it is Kevin” and you know what? I was disappointed.
4.
when you crowdsurf over the barrier for the third time and security just accept they’ll be catching you all night
5.
An idea: don’t ban office cake but immediately imprison anyone who says “ooh I’m trying to be good!” or similar https://t.co/ksrDp0MzgJ
6.
Shakira inside the jam jar investigating how much was missing
7.
Starting to think I might not win that three million pound house in the heart of London that I paid £10 to enter a raffle for on instagram 5 weeks ago you know
8.
January is a test run, we go for real in February, unless February is also bad in which case it is a rehearsal for March
9.
i love it when my pets sigh like what ails you my little unemployed freeloader
10.
t minus six days until I get married. my boyfriend just said “oooh there’s a George Ezra documentary on Amazon Prime” and pressed play without a second thought. genuinely - sincerely - might not marry him anymore
11.
My nephew just asked me if I was alive during the great fire of London
12.
nationalise the airwrap then https://t.co/fX60KmL74s
13.
BREAKING: It has been reported that Kim Kardashian has purchased Nadine Coyle's "missing" passport for $14.2 million
14.
When I was a barista at Caffè Nero I served a bloke whose surname was Cornwall and he was from Kent. I told him my surname was Kent and I was from Cornwall, and he didn't care, like not at all.
15.
told my pals a guy made me puttanesca for dinner and they went “omg like the Baudelaire children…slay…”
16.
BREAKING: Kim Kardashian has purchased the multicoloured fleece that Andrew Lincoln zips up perfectly in sync with the chorus of Dido's Here With Me in Love Actually for $250,000
17.
Supernanny has a word with M3gan
18.
We would end up on the ‘siblings or dating?’ page 🙈 https://t.co/4XgvmssSCi
19.
Lynn works for me. She is single & earns considerably less than 30k, lives in her dead mother’s house in Central Norwich, has no tertiary education, uses a bus pass for travelling to work saves money every month, goes on coach holidays & probably does not need to use a foodbank.
20.
Kim Kardashian has purchased Hayley Croppers red coat for a staggering $1.4 billion
Thumbnail credits: Kevin Mazur / Getty Images / ITV
21.
these teenagers on the tube were laughing at me cos i was reading a book on a saturday night (fair) and then one of the guys was like ‘hey it’s cool… you can’t put a timer on reading. knowledge is power.’ and looked at me like this