The Funniest British Tweets We Saw This Week Will Have You Laughing All The Way To Buckingham Palace
"Getting older is watching more and more of the people in your life do half-marathons"
1.
Sorry but if I saw someone stealing from Tesco I’m minding my own business! Is it my fathers company?
— Di✌🏾 (@DiDi_3090) October 2, 2023
2.
ppl that haven't lived in the country don't understand that u will have REAL beefs w specific animals. we had a fox that was scaring deer and ate my sister's rabbit n the night we caught him was like we got Bin Laden
— a sad little man (@DAVIDPLEASESTOP) October 1, 2023
3.
How is this not a Fake Showbiz News tweet? I am completely and utterly obsessed with two roasts Nicole pic.twitter.com/UrSEnqgGGU
— Carl (@_carlbxrch) October 1, 2023
4.
Me as a child in the playground: https://t.co/zdEa3gw0LZ
— Amy Van Gar (@amyvangar) September 30, 2023
5.
I’m convinced Royal Mail’s idea of a delivery attempt is taking a deep breath outside of the door before running off with your package.
— Amina (@yeahshewrites) October 1, 2023
6.
SE London two bed available for 45-50 minutes while I go to big Tesco. £120 x https://t.co/LvkOgVGFNc
— Beth McColl (@imbethmccoll) September 30, 2023
7.
A lot of people my age have opted out of they workplace pensions
— 🇱🇦 (@lamzyco) September 28, 2023
They’re gonna have to legalise euthanasia by time we retire because mate
8.
Who has hacked Susan Boyle’s Spotify may I ask? pic.twitter.com/mTkMdveuGk
— Shirley Carter’s Pussy (@shirlpuzz) September 18, 2023
9.
Getting older is watching more and more of the people in your life do half-marathons
— Friend of Paddington (@TommyBoyce13) September 17, 2023
10.
heard your boyfriend doesn't use a teaspoon to peel the ginger. he's just going at it with a knife. look how hard he's concentrating. he's lost half of it already. that's good ginger going in the bin there. pathetic.
— jan (@janhopi) September 22, 2023
11.
He looks like every character in Only Fools And Horses https://t.co/Uiwvi6QwNA
— Mark Nelson (@marknelsoncomic) September 23, 2023
12.
You've got 4G Superfast broadband to google it Kev x https://t.co/ZeVG4Vypkx
— Hayley Ellis (@Hayles_Ellis) September 25, 2023
13.
Sorry but this makes me want to eat a live hen pic.twitter.com/RRsUkPBr2N
— Hello Gillian (@mippy) October 2, 2023
14.
HS2. Really can’t believe this. I wanna run to u pic.twitter.com/5jRhD3vHH7
— Monopoly Phonic® (@MonopolyPhonic) October 2, 2023
15.
No one in the history of earth has ever spelt Charlotte like this pic.twitter.com/NTAt2xyEap
— char manning 🌟 (@xylottie) October 1, 2023
16.
Lol my actual worst nightmare, do you think this is what God does to you when you die https://t.co/bBlFN9Z9OS
— Stephen Collins (@stephen_collins) October 1, 2023
17.
Not to be all insane moments in British politics, but here's Suella Braverman standing on a dog pic.twitter.com/fuilOOihFO
— Alexander Brown (@AlexofBrown) October 3, 2023
18.
Camp pic.twitter.com/gnY6Wfs66t
— Bet Lynchs Fag (@BetLynchsFag) October 3, 2023
19.
someone has snuck a stack of these beer mats into Tory conference and is handing them out to delegates #HS2 pic.twitter.com/cp3XKtCSsT
— Jon Stone (@joncstone) October 3, 2023
20.
Just overheard my Dad say to the cat “you’re looking very smart”
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) October 3, 2023
21.
I think we can agree he ensures all women are dry pic.twitter.com/Y87bIqbalr
— remand chic (@our_jesse) October 2, 2023
22.
I made a spelling mistake at work today.
— Chris Sawyer (@ahchrissawyer) October 3, 2023
But I apologised in the exact same place I made the mistake, so everyone forgave me. The end. pic.twitter.com/XEmnU15BTe
23.
My daughter - explaining what she learnt about the Russian revolution today genuinely just referred to Rasputin as "the slutty little wizard man".
— Sam Freedman (@Samfr) October 2, 2023
24.
The over 30's category on X-Factor pic.twitter.com/voVLq5T2S5
— Hayley Ellis (@Hayles_Ellis) October 2, 2023
25.
Me, greeting you at the door and asking if you've brought me back a wee surprise from the shop pic.twitter.com/fPTZfUm1AY
— Ross Sayers (@Sayers33) September 28, 2023
26.
Are you a man or a woman? Sorry, only 63 year olds are allowed to smoke. Yeah, just another nine hours til we're in Manchester. pic.twitter.com/acpX6wKKu7
— SHANE REACTION (@imshanereaction) October 4, 2023
27.
imagine being 79 begging your 80 year old mate to go in the shops for you for 20 B&H https://t.co/NA1jnhmIVr
— Beth McColl (@imbethmccoll) October 4, 2023
28.
Funny how gender is immovable but you can transition into being a fucking terrible prime minister without anyone ever voting for you
— Natasha Hodgson (@NatashaHodgson) October 4, 2023
29.
Priti calling Suella an attention seeker loll the girls r fighting! Watford v Harrow https://t.co/wqwGSaWI1c
— Ruqaiya (@ruqaiya_h) October 3, 2023
30.
When you’re writing the BBC News liveblog and someone interrupts to take your breakfast order pic.twitter.com/n2X91lvOWL
— Scott Innes (@Flying_Inside) October 4, 2023
Thumbnail credits: CBS / BBC / ITV