37 British Tweets That Cracked Us Up This Week
"A boy from my school went to the same Uni as me and he told all my Uni mates that when ofsted came to our school I wore a tuxedo"
1.
Piers Morgan every time he opens his phone https://t.co/B2ssSdIXcb pic.twitter.com/G3fEYjEE6l
— Tegan Marlow (@teganmarlow_) May 22, 2023
2.
I've been laughing for 10 minutes now. The diversity PR is not really PRing 😭 pic.twitter.com/4zKhZkBV3I
— Julia (@Julia44993) May 22, 2023
3.
Orange customers in the 00s https://t.co/Tbkds2jfcm
— Eugene (@eugeneh84) May 18, 2023
4.
Who signed off on this? pic.twitter.com/qjyRb0RAlc
— Ben Davis 🐀 (@bendavis_86) May 18, 2023
5.
Just caught a tourist climbing the fence into my allotment.
— Jane Johnson 〓〓💙 (@JaneJohnsonBakr) May 22, 2023
“Hello,” I said, grimly polite (the Cornish at their most dangerous).
She was unabashed. “Oh, I just wanted some mint.” She bent to pick a stalk.
“Let me get you some.”
I picked her 4 stems, all containing cuckoo-spit…
6.
Can’t believe Philip Schofield has quit This Morning. Who else are they going to get to faux laugh when Gino D’Acampo pretends to get his words mixed up and say ‘titfucking’ instead of omelette despite being from Hertfordshire
— Ed (@eddo75) May 21, 2023
7.
well, my 16-year-old self put the guys from BBC Merlin on my first debit card and that’s a fact that will haunt me forever https://t.co/VoR3YsCmD1 pic.twitter.com/mh68AyKiDk
— cass 🌋 (@cassbeewrites) May 20, 2023
8.
https://t.co/4h3FZpRa9X pic.twitter.com/jzGnbhjtYW
— Mike Pullen (@MikePullen1969) May 18, 2023
9.
this is the kind of goodbye note you write in the card of the person leaving in your first week of work https://t.co/GYswBqNlRr
— lucy ford 🍊 (@lucyj_ford) May 20, 2023
10.
Brooklyn Beckham is now running the No10 Flickr account pic.twitter.com/GCF9HqtSQv
— John Stevens (@johnestevens) May 20, 2023
11.
On the Elizabeth Line, got held at a red signal and the tannoy man said ‘just gonna be held here for 45 minutes’ and everyone started YELLING like I nearly fell off my chair, then he clarified it was four TO five minutes and everyone unclenched their jaws loool
— jack rem x (@jackremmington) May 20, 2023
12.
This was a bit embarrassing pic.twitter.com/uw7aJllu8S
— matt horwood (@matthewhorwood) May 20, 2023
13.
The name’s pic.twitter.com/cMuZC16OiB
— Jill ☯️ (@LipglossJill) May 19, 2023
14.
It's time https://t.co/pDmIL3XvBG pic.twitter.com/Of4IlVIqId
— Luke Maggs (@Lukemaggs16) May 19, 2023
15.
I just can't wait for this to be a key cultural feminist text https://t.co/WE4OKSQDmY
— Bolu Babalola 🍯&🌶 (@BeeBabs) May 24, 2023
16.
See if a was to go to Australia I’d make ma first insta post upside down. I think that would be really funny
— AnnaWanyama (@AnnaMaryyyyyy) May 19, 2023
17.
Even the dog understood the assignment! pic.twitter.com/fKWfWD7XuC
— Simplytixx (@simplytixxy11) May 24, 2023
18.
He looks just like his mum https://t.co/uTUVxpl5Zs
— Anna (@anna_bobs) May 21, 2023
19.
https://t.co/82Ktl40eBe pic.twitter.com/aOrV1L0xCR
— tank top bum boy (@gorjogle) May 18, 2023
20.
There's only one reporter you'd want for this story pic.twitter.com/uSW0wES5Yr
— Gary Taphouse (@garytaphouse) May 19, 2023
21.
Just discoverer that Tina Turner follows six people on Instagram and one of them… is Cheryl?!? pic.twitter.com/q8tTGhGtRE
— Daniel (@sillyolddaniel) May 23, 2023
22.
Beyoncé is so real for this. Get it down ya gerl x pic.twitter.com/2VyM7MIOk3
— Bally Singh (@putasinghonit) May 23, 2023
23.
When Phillip Schofield rocks up on TV again for The Soap Awards next month like nothing’s happened x pic.twitter.com/nH0etmtlGv
— Steven Bonaventure x (@absolutegazelle) May 23, 2023
24.
When someone says your name 25 minutes into a Teams meeting pic.twitter.com/d4ls3bm2kd
— Eugene (@eugeneh84) May 21, 2023
25.
Don’t pursue any real human emotions because it might take away from your career in life coaching / copywriting https://t.co/uBCBEt5iMh
— H.K (@HKesvani) May 22, 2023
26.
Another successful evening cooking with turmeric pic.twitter.com/5WEMsuaA3M
— David MacLean (@GeordieStory) May 22, 2023
27.
This is the best estate agent acting we've ever seen on Homes Under the Hammer. Felt like I was watching a previously never mentioned distant cousin character arrive onto one of the soaps. pic.twitter.com/1k6OfHeCam
— Nick Walker (@nickw84) May 18, 2023
28.
They've managed to strike a tone of honouring the memory of the late Philip Schofield who as you may have heard is still with us. https://t.co/ctEJzOpLCB
— Neil Gibbons (@neilgibbons) May 22, 2023
29.
A boy from my school went to the same Uni as me and he told all my Uni mates that when ofsted came to our school I wore a tuxedo
— Rhys James (@rhysjamesy) May 22, 2023
30.
🔃🔒 https://t.co/V11Qbw197S pic.twitter.com/J5axFmNQ0C
— Callum Chalmers 🔶🇺🇦 (@CAChalmers_) May 23, 2023
31.
Phillip Schofield in his meeting with ITV pic.twitter.com/gDYwbRV9mv
— Shar A 🫡 (@Shar_A_) May 22, 2023
32.
forgot to share. what my nephew’s birthday cake was meant to look like vs how it turned up. his name is zayeem btw pic.twitter.com/jcWkOCmPig
— t (@sadsociaIist) May 22, 2023
33.
just learned that australians call the salvation army “the salvos” https://t.co/hCTTw9d484 pic.twitter.com/EBCHBHaiDS
— milo edwards (@Milo_Edwards) May 22, 2023
34.
Potentially the world's easiest game of cluedo going on in my building's groupchat today pic.twitter.com/qrjwwCMYW6
— Mike Townsend (@townsendyesmate) May 14, 2023
35.
when you leave some jam out in the kitchen overnight by mistake https://t.co/dSMN94S8B3
— wes skeeting (@ali1m) May 20, 2023
36.
This is the most 2003 building in London, if not the world pic.twitter.com/qm34qlirGA
— Alex Christian (@alexschristian) May 18, 2023
37.
Can’t stop thinking about Anne Widdecombe almost breaking her neck on Sooty & Friends while riding on a ghost train. pic.twitter.com/TFCSAt8HNz
— Steven Bonaventure x (@absolutegazelle) May 18, 2023
Thumbnail credit: Warner Bros. Pictures