1.
He's making a list. He's checking it twice. He's adding a picture. He's completely fucked the formatting. He's closing the Word document in anger.
2.
me in tesco grabbing some doritos after accidentally leaving my mask at home https://t.co/EZLuAZw5NL
3.
Remember when we all used to call it corona. No one calls it that anymore. It’s covid now isnt it. Call it corona these days and youll be laughed out the room and shunned by your peers. And quite right too. Get with the times or get out of dodge old timer. 👨🏻🦳
4.
Forget elf on the shelf...here's
6.
Binfluencer (bin·flu·enc·er): The person on your street who always puts their wheelie bins out first on bin day and the rest of the neighbours follow. I think I may have invented a new word.
7.
I’m hearing this was Rishi Sunak at the secret Christmas party https://t.co/fXHZ8oezrY
8.
Can I say something weird… when I hear the phrase “sneaky link” I never think of secret sex. I think of a “vegan”making sausage sandwich at 2am 😅
9.
Both I and Cristiano Ronaldo can play football. https://t.co/Krke8rWo7X
10.
men are linking up to gossip and calling it a podcast
11.
This guy actually came dressed as a positive lateral flow
12.
BREAKING: A no. 10 source has confirmed it was actually Jeremy Corbyn who organised the Downing Street Xmas party x
13.
😭😭😭
14.
i made one
15.
Your bladder hit different when you're putting the key in the door 😭😭😭🤣
16.
Outlook emails https://t.co/w8dfRzqnFQ
17.
your taxi from the christmas party
18.
Having your flatmate wfh too is actually not conducive to girlbossing because how am I gonna conduct a job interview in front of this same girl who watched me try and take a fox home on the way back from the pub the other night
19.
The British media:
20.
nah I’ve seen it all now
21.
saw someone refer to london as ‘omicron head office’ and i haven’t stopped laughing about it since
22.
The worst part of the PCR is assembling the little box like, I have a fever and you want me to do cardboard origami???
23.
The woman in the cheese shop told me she had a cheese from 2019 that she suspects is so delicious because ‘it didn’t know about any of this’
24.
BECOME UNGOVERNABLE https://t.co/N6n7jaqcEk
25.
put your hands up for detroit https://t.co/09L8FOsKE0
26.
My festive plans: Omicron: