The Entire Scoville Spicy Scale As Told By Cats

Pepper in this range: Bell

It's kinda like: A vegetable embodiment of the word "whatever."

Pepper in this range: Banana

It's kinda like: When you have to take off your jacket and carry it because it's pleasantly warm outside.

Pepper in this range: Anaheim

It's kinda like: If spiciness were the ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ emoticon.

Pepper in this range: Jalapeño

It's kinda like: A good zinger that's mostly funny but stings a little when you think about it a few hours later.

Pepper in this range: Chile de árbol

It's kinda like: When you meet your S.O.'s parents, and they start asking the tough questions...but bae is nowhere in sight.

Pepper in this range: Tabasco

It's kinda like: Taking a bite out of the teenage rage that still kinda lives inside of you.

Pepper in this range: Malagueta

It's kinda like: Licking a lollipop made of panic attacks.

Pepper in this range: Bird's eye chili

It's kinda like: Gnawing on all of your adult problems while looking at a billboard being put up that's just a giant picture of you opening up the front view on your phone's camera.

Pepper in this range: Scotch bonnet

It's kinda like: Being interrogated in an oven by a terrifying police officer-clown hybrid.

Pepper in this range: Red Savina

It's kinda like: Making out with a person who is currently on fire.

Pepper in this range: Bhut jolokia ("ghost pepper")

It's kinda like: Chewing a wad of bubblegum made of bleach, agony, and the fire of a thousand suns.

Only pepper in this range: Carolina reaper

It's kinda like: Standing barefoot on an old radiator, eating the entire world's hate, and washing it down with the coagulated tears of every one of your dead heroes while trapped inside the belly of a dinosaur that is dying of a 10,000-degree fever.

(Don't do it.)