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Renowned Nobel Laureate Disappears, NSF Investigates Possible Foul Play

In a strange confluence of events in this period of heightened national security and conspiratorial suspicion, the National Science Foundation (NSF) and radio astronomer Dr. [ ] have brought forth both an exciting discovery and sad news. On the one hand Dr. [ ] and renowned scientist Dr. Frankenstina de GranBranium have identified a heretofore unobserved class of Gamma Ray emanating from the Crabbe Nebula, a phenomenon that has been independently confirmed by observatories in Australia and Puerto Rico. Astrophysicists are perplexed and excited by this new ray, as it exhibits such a high intensity and sophisticated modulation of frequency that suggests it may not only contain encoded information, but it could be from an extra-terrestrial intelligence. On the other hand, Dr. [ ] claims that Dr. GranBranium has disappeared, along with the original observation of the ray and a formula that could decode the ray’s content. These are dire accusations, indeed, being leveled at Dr. GranBranium. As a multi-Noble Laureate, including twice for the Nobel in Medicine or Physiology, once for the Nobel in Peace, and once, just because, for the Man Booker prize in Literature (whose foundation members noted, with regard to her research, that “this sh-t is pretty much poetry”), GranBranium bears a meritorious name not lightly tarnished. However, it is unclear whether the seizure of data and Dr. GranBranium’s disappearance are related – colleagues at the George Washington School of Medicine close to GranBranium report that she has become increasingly distant over the last several months. Dr. GranBranium, pursuing her most ambitious experiments to date into the ability of the human body to regenerate indefinitely, has withdrawn to her private laboratory in Northwestern DC to focus on her research. Nevertheless, the NSF is investigating possible misuse of public funds. GranBranium’s personal assistant, Mr. Greyson Harris, eager to dispel suspicion of the doctor, has invited NSF Investigator Krystal Laymon and a contingent of associates close to GranBranium, for a vigil this weekend in her private laboratory to hopefully shed light on the disappearance.

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