1.
when you offer me a piece of candy vs. when i find out it's banana-flavored
2.
when you finish your french fries but you find extra ones at the bottom of the bag
3.
Pizza will never break your heart.
4.
me: hey put pineapple on the pizza everyone:
5.
Broth is just meat tea
6.
Pizza Singles: For the young professional on the go
7.
why spend $80 on a swimsuit when you can buy 320 chicken nuggets
8.
*slides obama a $10 bill* cottage cheese is disgusting please ban it
9.
labradoodle or fried chicken ?
10.
honestly it just makes me fat free italian when u tell me salad dressings aren't a good way to describe emotions
11.
RT if you woke up questioning your entire life so far and stressing about the uncertainty of your future and just gave up and got bagels
12.
can you imagine being the first person to try caviar. just tear open a fish and eat whatever the fuck freaky beads fall out of it
13.
I would like a warm hound please "Excuse me?" A flaming puppy "..." Fire canine "Do you want a hot dog, ma'am?" Yes. A scorching pooch
14.
Just ate a salad when I could've eaten a cheeseburger. Where's my reward? I should get an award, right? Maybe a cheeseburger.
15.
at subway: lol here's a handful of lettuce have a great day. here's a squirt of mayo in yr mouth. god bless.
16.
Oh you like food? What's a potato taste like? Yeah that's what I thought, you dunno shit....you don't eat no food, player.
17.
Jelly. Baby needs jelly.
18.
often think about this moment from my parents wedding video where the cameraman just zoomed in on a plate of ham
19.
Mmmmm this coconut water tastes great, sort of like if you added cum & milk to regular water & then it went bad? Super refreshing. Thanks.
20.
sometimes i call watermelons summer pumpkins and nobody ever knows what im talking about.
21.
I dead ass didn't wanna wash a plate💀
22.
"Hmm, this ice cream doesn't taste enough like wood" --inventor of the popsicle stick
23.
If anyone ever tells u that u put too much parmesan cheese on ur pasta stop talking to them u dont need that kind of negativity in ur life