1.
"WHYYY MEEE!" I YELLED TO THE SKY, "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID BITCH" A BIRD CHIRPED
2.
When birds run it's like omg what in the fuck are you doing
3.
I wonder if birds ever get sad and then are like, "jk, I can fly."
4.
[sees fly] Hmm... I think I'll name this creature "Fly." [sees bird] GODDAMMIT
5.
birds are so stupid GET SEPARATE POOP AND PEE HOLES YOU IDIOTS
6.
my favorite animals at the zoo are just the random birds walking around like they belong. Go home pigeon, this is fancy bird town
7.
[god, creating ducks] Just like put a surfboard mouth on a big pigeon and make it like a loud idiot. I don't know
8.
*pigeon walks into meeting & slams briefcase on table* Anyone want to guess what's in here? *pulls out a french fry* A gold mine, thats what
9.
"my house sure is quiet. i wish something was here yelling at me 100% of the time" -someone right before they get a bird
10.
i've invented the Universal Bird Translator *outside chirps transform into chorus of a thousand LET'S FUCK and THIS IS MY SPOT*
11.
[inventing the parrot] HOW ABOUT LIKE A TYE DYE CHICKEN WHO SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU
12.
PLEASE HELP: Have you seen this bird?
13.
How to be a bird: 1) Yell a lot 2) Annoy people 3) Act like a dumb tiny airplane 4) Eat worms for some reason 5) Stab people w/ your beak
14.
Woke up before dawn so I went & yelled into a birds nest TIME TO WAKE UP MOTHERFUCKERS and then I cried because who yells at birds.
15.
Ostrich is not even a good bird, can't fly, poops all over my house, scares my family please help us!
16.
If a bird poops on you it's good luck, if it lands in your mouth he is immediately inducted into the Bird Hall Of Fame
17.
What idiot called them bird baths & not crow bars
18.
Let's name these birds! Um, blue birds. Red birds. Those are black. Black birds. Okay, that was easy. Thanks for coming, everybody.
19.
some reasons why big bird is one of the worst birds around: cannot fly not fast lives in a alley unemployed ostracized by bird community
20.
i'm pretty good at bird sounds. if I did 1 right now you wouldn't think I'm a bird but you'd be like wow he does it above average for a man
21.
[sunrise] BIRDS: Chirp! OMG! Another day! The majesty of this world is unparalleled! Chirp! HUMANS: I wish I were dead
22.
Have you ever seen a bird on a really windy day, just flapping its wings like a maniac, but it's not going anywhere? That's life.