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Which Richmond Comrade Are You?

Listen up tankies, communists, socialists, and defenders of justice! You know the fighters of the left in Richmond, but do you know which one you closely identify with? Or maybe you're completely on the opposite end of the spectrum! Either way, take this quiz to find out which cult of personality best fits you!

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  1. What is your political conviction?

    Know Your Meme
    Anarchism
    Anarcho-Scorched Earth Policy
    Anarcho-Hoxaism
    Anarcho-Communism
    Communism
    Socialism
    Columbidae-Marxism
    Trotskyism
    Classical Marxism
    Cornbread Communism
    Brian Thomas
    Democratic Socialism
    Centrism
    Neoliberalism
    Communism Revisionist
    Green Socialism
    Anti-Facism
    Anarcho-Capitalism
    Libertarianism
    Nationalism
    Capitalism
  2. You're at a hipster bar in Richmond, what do you order to eat?

    Love.in
    Cornbread
    Vegan food, meat is murder
    Vegan food, I'm not a bloodmouth
    Vegetarian food, but if that's not an option, I'll scrape off the meat
    Fruit Gushers
    Cheese and crackers
    Chicken
    I only eat at home, eating out is capitalism
    I'll have what you're having :(
    The meatiest item, screw vegetarians
    Mangos
    Bacon
  3. It's a boiling hot Richmond summer day. After marching in the streets with the comrades, you go inside, grab your Ball jar and pour a nice cold drink of....

    Fishs Eddys
    Mango Juice
    Mountain Dew
    Dr. Pepper 10
    Appalachia Moonshine
    Coke
    Pibb
    Sprite
    Secret Mountain Blend of Moonshine and Dew
    Bottled Water
    Wine
    Tears from Leftbook :(
    Tap Water
    Food Truck Drinks
    Anything with fizz
    Blood of commies
    Milk free beverages
    Beer
  4. After slurping down your drink, you go to your pet. What do you have as a pet?

    Dogtime
    Pigeon
    Rabbit
    Mountain Lion
    Golden Retriever
    My girlfriend
    Shelter pup
    Cat
    Boxer
    Snake
    Spider
    Hamster
    Great Dane
    Kangaroo
  5. You're done tending to your pet and you look at your giant poster of ___________ on the wall.

    Odyssey Online
    Mao Zedong
    Joseph Stalin
    Bernie Sanders
    Jill Stein
    Brian Thomas
    Thomas Sankara
    Hillary Clinton
    Jordan Peterson
    Steven Patrick Morrissey
    Maury Rothbard
    Pepe The Frog
    Julian Casablancas
    Malcolm X
    Posters are a waste of trees
    Qemal Cicollari
    Mountain Dew Mao Vaporwave
    Leon Trotsky
  6. After mesmerizing the poster, you get on your computer and hit the interwebs. What website do you go to first?

    Optimizley
    4chan, to /mlp/
    4chan, to /pol/
    Humane League
    Facebook, to sounds like liberal identity politics, but ok
    Facebook, to post on "wait is this a pro-communist group?"
    Facebook, to post on "weird Appalachia"
    Facebook, to post in "Liberate RVA Kalposting"
    Clickhole
    Facebook, to share the dankest tankie article you found online
    Facebook, to proceed to "sad" react to everything
    Tumblr
    Reddit, to the /r/sports subreddits
    Twitter
    Medium
    9GAG
    Facebook, to read "Cornbread Communism"
    Pixlr, to make memes for the VCU meme group
  7. You're online and you see your political opponent! What do you do?

    Diffen
    Hmm? All my enemies are blocked.
    I'll discourse, but it's tiring. So I just block and dox them at this point.
    Leftbook brings me down too much to fight the oppressors in cyberspace :(
    Point out their racial biases and go "kthx :-*"
    Troll them until they start crying or going full caps lock.
    Subtly find someone else to comment in a flame war and like the good guy's comments.
    Don't engage
    Share with the Kalposting group
    Go full force CAPS LOCK ANGRY at them.
    I'll use facts and history, if they're just a liberal.
    I'll engage in a civil discourse in the hope that they will change my mind or acknowledge my points of view.
    Call them an "SJW xD" and then ask if they're triggered XD
    Get as ableist as possible.
    Say some racial slurs and claim it to be "free speech".
    Stand my ground but debate to a certain extent.
    I don't have time for that shit, i'll take it to the streets.
    I don't have time for that shit, but I'll take it to them online and I.R.L.
  8. You go outside the next day and you are walking down the street and you see your rival IRL. How do you handle this situation?

    Run 'em over with my red hammer and sickle plastered tractor!
    Talk to them if need be, but try to hurry it up. If it gets tense use some self defense.
    Could shoulder them and if they say something say "fuck off :("
    Ignore them.
    Speak with them and give them backhanded compliments.
    Deploy my pigeon to take a number two on them.
    Get a hockey stick and puck and whack away!
    Yell at them in their face and call them out for their bullshit.
    Call up my crew for a showdown.
    git yer rifles ready'uns
    What? I have no enemies!
    Probably shy away because I'm a shy guy.
    Waver my advertisements to my next Liberate RVA meeting.
    Quickly hide my confederate flag in my backpack.
    Roll my eyes and try to avoid political talk.
    Clock them. Until they have a nosebleed.
    Put on your masks and call Comrade Jeb!
  9. After you finish up with your rival, you see a white, cismale, swirly mustache hipster with a bernie sticker on his tricked out bike. How do you react to him?

    WacoBB
    Roll your eyes
    Roll your eyes and say "Bernie is a centrist"
    Frown :(
    Shrug and say "Bernie is a reformist"
    Sigh and say to yourself "what could have been"
    Have a blank expression
    Roll your eyes and call him a "nice capitalist"
    Roll your eyes and call him an "opportunist"
    Shrug and say he's a "left wing fascist"
    Scream "he killed Rosa Luxemburg!"
    Say "he would have beaten Trump!"
    Say "I felt the Bern until Hillary won fair and square!"
    Scream "he's an economically-illiterate communist!"
    Scream "he's an anti-white deceptive Jew!"
    Shrug and go "yeah he eats chicken, but he would have taken it to the meat industry"
    Scream "he's a state capitalist!" And set his car on fire
    Ask him if he's a comrade now.
  10. You get a call from Dad concerned about your recent online activity. How do you respond?

    dreamstime.com
    My parents don't know of my Facebook account.
    Blocked them so this didn't happen.
    Just shitposting, Dad :(
    Get over it.
    When did you get a Facebook?
    Sigh and just say "ok"
    Tell your Dad it's just a joke and to lighten up.
    Switch the subject.
    Ignore the phone call.
    Talk about how necessary it is.
    My dad would never!
    My dad doesn't know how to computer!
    Remind your dad that Che Guevara is evil.
    Tell you dad it's what the cool kids do.
    Tell your dad it's what I am and you cannot tell me how to live my life.
    Threaten to beat your dad.
    Tell your dad that he's dreaming.
  11. The weekend is here and it's time to watch some sports on TV or at the stadium! What sport do you watch?

    Alexedmans.com
    Football but complain about the bravado nature of the game.
    None. I will abolish sports.
    I don't with sports :(
    I'll play a sport, but not watch it.
    Soccer
    Extreme Ironing or maybe some Rowing
    Ice Hockey
    Basketball
    Demolition Derby
    Baseball
    Tennis
    None, I'm not athletic.
    Poker
    NASCAR
  12. Quick! White nationalists are marching on Monument Avenue, because Mayor Stoney has flirted with the idea of removing the General Lee Statue! How do you react to this?!

    Huffington Post Canada
    Git yer rifles out
    Bring my antifa crew and brawl
    Bring my antifa crew, brawl, and then write about it on leftbook :(
    Call all members of ASH, RS, BLM, DSA, etc. to counterprotest.
    Witness the scene and join the good guys when called to duty.
    Bring a sign and scream back at them.
    Bring a sign and sock one of them.
    Yell at them and scream at them and trigger them.
    Compare them to the KKK and doxx every last one of them.
    Surround them until they surrender.
    Interview them in the hopes of getting more YouTube subscribers.
    Continue to protest with the people defending m'Southern Heritage!
    Doxx, punch, beat and torch every last one of 'em. Proceed to spray pain the statue.
    Cover your face and brawl.
  13. After the protests calm down, you go to bed, but you wake up from a bad dream at 3:13 a.m.! What happened in the dream?

    Shuterstock
    The bourgeoisie took all the cornbread
    Aaron Tabb became president
    You discovered someone made an account for you on Leftbook :(
    The Richmond GPUSA asked you to run a joint ticket with Montigue
    Photoshop crashed in the middle of meme construction
    Your bird got hit bit a windmill
    The Capitals made the Stanley Cup Finals and got swept
    Someone drank the Mountain Dew and its gone
    Derrick Davis reproduced
    Harrisonburg Democrats endorse Hillary 2020
    Tribal politics hits a new extreme
    You're forced to say "they/them" as pronouns
    Bandito's got homsteaded
    Donald Trump was shot
    You were eating bacon
    Peaceful protests with police escorts
    You got banned from "Wait, is this a pro-communist group?"
  14. It's Election Day 2017! Who do you vote for, for Governor?

    Know Your Meme
    I didn't vote, because electoral politics do not bring cheap. Reformist policies are inferior to Revolutionist policies
    I didn't vote, electoral politics might only have small effect on the local level, but that's about it
    Gumby
    Rebecca Keel
    Tom Perrellio
    Write in Julian Casablancas
    Matthew Delicate
    Bill Bridgforth
    I didn't vote, electoral politics are murderous
    Bob Avakian
    Ed Gillespie
    Ralph Northam
    Voting is slavery to the state, and immoral
    Corey Stewart
    Maybe the Green or Democrat, I don't know yet
    Voting is slavery to the bourgeoisie
    Bradley Thormann
  15. A crazy man and his pal are filming you and your buddies at Abner Clay Park! Yipes! What do you do to stop the situation?

    Liberty.me
    Laugh at him
    Talk to him, but ask him to put the camera away
    Flip him off
    Throw his camera on the ground
    Talk to him, but force him to talk about "genital mutilation"
    Walk away from him
    Put your hand over the camera
    Yell at him and call him out on his crap
    Call him a white supremacist
    Put carboard over the camera
    Give him a hug and have a discussion with him
    Make fun of communists
    What a handsome man!
    Tell him that minorities are too dumb to participate in the free market and that Trump is bae
    Humor him, but look annoyed the whole time
    Sucker punch him and have your friends go for the legs
    Do everything you can in your capacity to break NAP
  16. After leaving the park, you see Young Americans for Liberty infiltrating the VCU campus, how do you handle their situation!

    Young Americans for Liberty
    Smash every last one of their signs and doxx them on the Internet
    Laugh at them and then smash their signs
    Frown at them and then smash their signs
    Yell at them and then smash their signs
    Set their stand on fire and then smash their signs
    Smash their signs and then give them cards for Richmond Struggle
    Laugh at them and make one of them cry
    Ignore them if alone, smash their shit if you have friends
    Tell them you're not really libertarian by being statist defender
    Hi-five them
    Have a discussion and become their friend, although you may disagree with their convictions
  17. Michael Rao is suffering a bad inferiority complex and demands a raise in his salary. How do you respond?

    Richmond BizSense
    Egg his house
    Tar and feather him
    Stage a protest outside his house
    Urge the BOV not to raise, but to cut his salary
    Shrug and say that's the free market at work
    Throw Mello Yello at him
    Infiltrate his office
    I don't even go there
    Rents pay, don't care
  18. You find yourself in control of America's Armed Forces. Your first order of business is to...

    The Balance
    Cut funding by 40 percent, and redistribute the funding to social programs.
    Cut funding by 70 percent and emphasize spending on infrastructure and welfare. Cancel military aid to Israel
    Order them to stage a coup against Donald Trump and install a Communist regime in the States
    Abolish the military and send soldiers and police into labor camps.
    Cut funding by 70 percent, remove foreign bases, and cancel military aid to Israel in favor of Palestine.
    Cut funding by 10 percent.
    Cut funding by about 25 percent.
    Increase funding by privatizing public education.
    Contract the services to Grumman and Ledios and let the free market decide what's the best use of defense.
    Assign them to go after the bourgeoisie
    Cut funding by 50 percent to create social democracy in the U.S.
    Change the bald eagle symbol to a pigeon, and do a combination of budget cuts and coups.
    Make all the troops have hammer and sickles on their uniforms :(
  19. You grew up in America, and you have qualms about America. What nation would you aspire the U.S. to be like?

    Wikimedia
    Gay Space Communism
    Soviet Union
    Utopian communism with Appalachia cookin'
    Soviet Union during the 1920s with Appalachia flavor
    Burkina Faso
    Somalia
    Alabama
    Oregon
    France
    Denmark
    Burning Man
    Cuba
    Soviet Union during the 1950s
  20. After military changes and changing the face of America, you order some food and you pay a tip in...

    Imgur
    Bitcoin
    A message to m'ladies
    U.S. currency, and give a 15% tip
    U.S. currency, and give a 25% tip
    U.S. currency, and give at least a $5 tip
    No restaurants once we seize the means of production
    No need to tip when everyone will be making living wages
    I'll just eat at home
    If the waiter is vegan, at least 50%, if not 5%
    If the waiter is bloodmouth, no tip, otherwise a good tip

Which Richmond Comrade Are You?

You got: Comrade Thormann

Good un! Yer answers got the cult of personality amongst RVA and Appalachia's left: Bradley Thormann! You have been around the block long enough to understand the notions of each sect of communism and socialism to know how to unite and fight, additionally, you like a sprinkle of Zehrism here and there. You are willing to take the revolution to the streets and put your body on the line to defend the working class. You hate cops, and you love cornbread. In fact, the only place you wanna see a cop car is a demolition derby!

Comrade Thormann
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You got: Comrade Seress

Well hey there! You're Kris Seress. A.K.A. an anarcho-communist that abides to principles of ancom thought and Marxism. You think Trotskyists are burnt out comrades, and you believe violence is a necessary tool to overthrow the bourgeoisie. You support electoral politics in a limited realm, but are doubtful of it having any impact beyond local levels. Above all else you think revolutionary politics are the proper catalyst to ignite change. Don't vote, fight! Also, abolish sports!

Comrade Seress
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You got: Comrade Makhno

Oh man! :-( You're Comrade Makhno :-(, the shitposter of the far left, defender of Anarcho-Hoxaism, lover of Mao, hater of Trotsky, and a tankie in the eyes of Comrade Centrist, Tyler. Just like her, you enjoy sad reacting to every post, and but won't hesitate to crack a smile when you see a silly liberal doing liberalish things. Keep on frowning!

Comrade Makhno
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You got: Comrade Levi

Anti-capitalism and green politics are your calling Mx. Levi! You're the online sib of your loving, yet centrist ciswhite shitposting pal, Comrade Tyler. However, you are more progressive and left-leaning in your convictions than he is! You have a soft spot for the Green Party of the United States, but hold true to anti-capitalism, as you know it to be a mechanism to perpetuate racism!

Comrade Levi
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You got: Comrade Tyler

Fugggg :DDDD You got Comrade Tyler! You in the past were basically the left-wing coalition of Tabbism, though lately you have drifted away from Centrism to Socialism/Democratic Socialism, depending on how your mood that day. You're not exactly fond of violence, although you understand it's need, and find safety in smugly mocking the far left and far right, although truly you want to piss off the far right more, and drink their jars of tears when you say "free Palestine." Happy shitposting!

Comrade Tyler
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You got: Comrade Pryor

Get on your nitrite gloves and let's go flying with the pigeons, as you are Comrade Pryor! A lover of birds, puns, and an admirer of Marx, and a defender of student rights, you have strong skepticism of the free market, and are willing to go through great lengths to kill off capitalism. Or should we say...crapitalism!

Comrade Pryor
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You got: Comrade Campbell

Is communism great, but Seressian revisionism of anti-sports too much for you? Then you might just be Comrade Campbell! You aren't sure what irks you more: the Caps losing in the second round of the NHL Playoffs at the expense of the Pens year after year, or the fact that the United States still clangs on to late-stage capitalism. Regardless, you will still go to the Kickers soccer game next weekend after a Richmond Struggle meeting.

Comrade Campbell
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You got: Comrade Goad

The Goad Gatsby. Lover of MOUTAIN DEW OMG MOUNTAIN DEW AND MONSTER ARE SOAMAAZZZGINNNGGHHHHHNNNNGGGG KJNEUNKJNVOWNVJEFNKJN BGKJDSHGKJGDSGJDSKL DJGJLDSJGKLSDJGLSKD!!!!!!!!! KAL LITERALLY BREEDS WHITE SUPREMAJHJSJFNKJNFKJNW!!!!!!! ...I need more Mountain Dew! Pronto!

Comrade Goad
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You got: Comrade Steph

To some you're just seen as another communist, but in your circles you are seen an individual willing to grab white ignorance by the throat until the oppressor coughs up a lung. Your revisionism to communism explicitly expresses more communism to be spread amongst modern day America's working class.

Comrade Steph
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You got: Comrade Zehr

So, well, you're basically Bradley Thormann's brand of cornbread communism, but you enjoy some Trotskyism here and there. You both fight and discourse and enjoy a good bit of mountain music.

Comrade Zehr
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You got: Comrade Tabb

It doesn't get more square in the middle than this, as you are Aaron Tabb! You believe in civil discourse is the main driver for change, and are a pacifist when it comes to violence within protest. While you have admiration to social democracy, you generally support aspects of capitalism, but want to adopt a more inclusive model of the current system. You acknowledge systemic racism, but are willing to dialogue with those who may be racially biased. Deep down you believe sects of the left and right together can triangulate the best possible system.

Comrade Tabb
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You got: Comrade Bhaskar

Say hello to neoliberalism and goodbye to fash! It's Ankur that fits your type! Generally speaking, you support the Democratic Party, regardless of their convictions that might fall out of line. You see neoliberalism as a necessary tool in certain contexts, and nothing irks you more than the progressive wing's desire to be politically correct. You will go as far as calling them "SJW's xD". You also enjoy a good evening of some Bill Maher, but throw off some people by liking Bernie Sanders.

Comrade Bhaskar
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You got: Kal Molinet

Well damn, you're quite the edgelord there! You're Kal Molinet! You have a deep lust for bitcoin, filming communists, getting YouTube followings and the NAP! You may feel ancap, but deep down you have a soft spot for the GOP. Taxation is theft, and I'm Bolivian, not white!

Kal Molinet
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You got: Derrick Davis

Oh man, you sure hate black people! You got Derrick! You believe in an ethno-nationalist state, and somehow still clang on to the notion that white people are superior to their counterparts. You have a deep admiration for Jesus, pepe the frog, and a sexy fedora. Above all else, you think m'ladies...m'singination is a sin!

Derrick Davis
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You got: Comrade Hager

Are you a liberal but are fed up with Tabb's centrism, Tyler's socialism and Ankur's Maherism? Then you fit in the mold of Comrade Hager! Lover of peace and animals, you're a peacekeeper that will listen to all points of views, but are willing to slam the breaks on obscure ideologies, left and right instead of throwing kerosene on the fire. You also are a vegan. Meat is murder!

Comrade Hager
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You got: Comrade Hunter

You hate existence in general, and you just want humanity to end! That's right, you're Comrade Hunter! You want to doxx the right just for the sake of it, shitpost in obscure Facebook groups and set shit on fire! Pick fights with the enemy is your game, and your biggest war is overpopulation! Get your brass knuckles ready!

Comrade Hunter
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You got: Comrade Reedy

A similar comrade to the likes of Thormann, Seress, Schapper and Zehr, you are the antifa himself, Comrade Reedy. You are generally a pacifist in nature, but you see the need for a class war in order to reap true equality. You also enjoy a fine stash of left-wing memes you've saved into your jump drive.

Comrade Reedy
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