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You know RVA, and you know the characters in RVA's political scene. Which one fits you best?

What RVA Political Figure Are You?

You are asked to tell people what you feel on the political chart. What is it?!

How would you describe your political convictions at this time?

If you saw violence or thought about it in deep thought, how would you feel about it?

Violence is...

It's a hot summer day in RVA and you crack open a can or bottle, or glass of this drink...

What is the best beverage?

It seems like were always close to doom and gloom. Which item would kill off humanity.

What is the biggest threat to humanity?

Yipes! The bad guy is here! Quick, act fast!

You see someone who is your political opponent! What do you do?

Sports are fun to play and make you healthy. But what type of sports do you enjoy?

What's your favorite sport?

If someone was a certain political ideologue that you didn't like, or felt that was dangerous, would you try to share their convictions to the world?

Would you doxx someone?

People love to mess around with people and browse the Internet. What is your favorite website?

What website is your favorite?

Is voting immoral?

Who is your boo?

You wake up from a bad dream, what happened?

Good un! Yer answers got the cult of personality amongst RVA and Appalachia's left: Bradley Thormann! You have been around the block long enough to understand the notions of each sect of communism and socialism to know how to unite and fight, additionally, you like a sprinkle of Zehrism here and there. You hate cops, but you love cornbread. In fact, the only place you wanna see a cop car is a demolition derby!

Bradley Thormann

Oh man, you sure hate black people! You got Derrick! You believe in an ethno-nationalist state, and somehow still clang on to the notion that white people are superior to their counterparts. You have a deep admiration for Jesus, pepe the frog, and a sexy fedora. Above all else, you think m'ladies...m'singination is a sin!

Derrick Davis

Well you're an interesting one. You got quasi-centrist, Tyler! You enjoy shitposting to upset both the left and right ends of the political spectrum, although deep down, you have intense skepticism of the free market, support socialism, but haven't made the leap of faith towards full fledged communism. Maybe in a few years...until then, Team Tom Perrellio 2017!

Tyler

Well damn, you're quite the edgelord there! You're Kal Molinet! You have a deep lust for bitcoin, filming communists, getting YouTube followings and the NAP! You may feel ancap, but deep down you have a soft spot for the GOP. Taxation is theft, and I'm Bolivian, not white!

Kal Molinet

Well hey there! You're Kris Seress. A.K.A. an anarcho-communist that abides to principles of ancom thought and Marxism. You think Trotskyists are burnt out comrades, and you believe violence is a necessary tool to overthrow the bourgeoisie. You support electoral politics in a limited realm, but are doubtful of it having any impact beyond local levels. Above all else you think revolutionary politics are the proper catalyst to ignite change. Don't vote, fight! Also, abolish sports!

Kris Seress

It doesn't get more square in the middle than this, as you are Aaron Tabb! You believe in civil discourse is the main driver for change, and are a pacifist when it comes to violence within protest. While you have admiration to social democracy, you generally support aspects of capitalism, but want to adopt a more inclusive model of the current system. You acknowledge systemic racism, but are willing to dialogue with those who may be racially biased. Deep down you believe sects of the left and right together can triangulate the best possible system.

Aaron Tabb

Holy Republican, Batman! You're Herzon! You like the idea of hard work, and still believe that worksmanship can forge a path to prosperity, no matter what the preexisting conditions are. You do not like socialism or communism, but you aren't as frivolously agitated by left-wing thought as your counterparts.

Herzon

Say hello to neoliberalism and goodbye to fash! It's Ankur that fits your type! Generally speaking, you support the Democratic Party, regardless of their convictions that might fall out of line. You see neoliberalism as a necessary tool in certain contexts, and nothing irks you more than the progressive wing's desire to be politically correct. You will go as far as calling them "SJW's xD". You also enjoy a good evening of some Bill Maher, but throw off some people by liking Bernie Sanders.

Ankur

Oh man! :-( you're Syndra Makhno :-( You hate leftbook, and deep down hold ancom convictions, although to liberals, but primarily to Tyler, you allegedly are as tankie as it gets. You self proclaim yourself as an Anarcho Hoxaist. Keep on frowning!

Syndrea Makhno

MOUNTAIN DEW! OMG MOUNTAIN DEW IS BASICALLY THE ONLY FKJFJEKENEJKWNGJWENG I NEED SOME MOUNTAIN DEW AND MONSTER, SMASH THE STATE AND EVERYTHINNNGGGGG ARRHHGHGHGHGH TO THE MTN DEW EMPORIRUM! !!!!! !! !!

The Goad Gatsby

When Tabb is too Centrist for you, Tyler is too socialist for you, and Ankur is too anti-PC for you, where do you go? Hagerism! You believe in many forms of discourse, and support reformism, but are willing to take a stance against really far right leaning policies. Also you're vegan.

Hager

Man don't you regret that Trump vote? Meh, nah you're not. You'll bend over backwards trying to show how Trump is one of the best things to happen to America. You openly oppose Islam, and believe it's violent and you will go to lengths to call Black Lives Matter and Antifas terrorist groups. You're also the right wing's gay token.

Dale Hutch

You've had enough. You're not quite as amped on the level of Anarcho-Goadism's Mountain Dew, but you believe staunchly in anarcho-communism.

Hunterian F-it

If Dale is the right wing's gay token, you are the female token for the alt-right! While you often vote against your interests, you deeply believe that leadership should be left up to the men, and will cherry pick the feminism you like!

Edgy Grooves

Well, good job! You're the biggest opportunist out there! Levar Stoney, the mayor of Richmond! You got enough money in the bank to run for governor one day, which is what you aim for next. What's next? Maybe a Senator or dare I say, President?   
Only three and a half years left doing this stupid mayoral job for ya!

Levar Stoney

Well hey there gentrificator! You got Jack Berry! You claim to be a Democrat, but really you're a Libertarian. You will fight tooth and nail to claim that capitalism is the best way to fix a city, and will brand every single thing you can get your hands on. Hope you enjoy drinking coal flavored water!

Jack Berry

Generally you mean well, but you're gonna take any ounce of money you can snag...and that's you, Ralph Northam! You have the elites on your side and are hoping for an easy cruise to the Governor's Mansion.

Ralph Northam

You're the upstart young'n that is trying to upset Ralph for the DPVA nod this summer...Tom Perrellio. You have oddly centrist and oddly progressive views, but above all else you see a golden opportunity to snag the progressives away from Ralph to get the Mansion to yourself!

Tom Perrellio

Good job, you got, as the alt-right would say, Establishment Ed! You deep down have a hatred for women and minorities, but will repress those feelings better than the alt-right themselves will.

Ed Gillespie

King Rao! The King of VCU! You are a centrist authoritarian. You believe in socialism for the rich and anarcho-capitalism for the poor! You think this is a mechanism to weed out people. Most people may not like you, but you cry those thoughts into your $100 bills. You also are deep down a transphobe that thinks basketball is the only sport that exists.

Mike Rao

Chirp chirp! You got the pigeon! You believe in Classical Marxism, with elements of violence as need be. You will happily shit on racists.

Jay the Bird

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What RVA Political Figure Are You?

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