1.
Sure, everyone says Portugal is absolutely sublime...
2.
And you hear that the Portuguese people have a lot of pride in their country.
3.
But in reality, Portugal has absolutely no charm.
5.
Who would want to relax on such polluted beaches?
6.
Hmm... the color of that water is awfully suspicious.
7.
Take the city of Porto, for example...
8.
Like, what's this big ugly thing running right through the middle of it?
10.
...with absolutely nothing to look at.
11.
The capital, Lisbon, is just as bad.
12.
Lisbon is a city stuck in the past.
13.
Even the public transportation is antiquated!
14.
Oh, OK, cool, Lisbon. So you think you're San Francisco now?
15.
Let's not even get started on the countryside. There's absolutely nothing poetic about the Portuguese countryside.
16.
And Portugal has no history, everybody knows that.
17.
So the monuments are particularly unattractive.
18.
And it's not like there are any famous landmarks to visit.
20.
...no interesting architecture...
21.
...and there's no history.
22.
Spain is just a boring old pile of rocks.
23.
And the quality of the food isn't much better.
25.
Who even drinks port these days? That's an old person drink.
26.
Nobody remarkable ever came from Portugal.
27.
Like, who's ever heard of Luís Figo?
28.
That's because the Portuguese are very strict people. Very serious.
30.
Nope. No matter how you look at it, Portugal's just not a very beautiful country.
31.
Absolutely no reason to go there.
