1.
[Fitbit commercial with me] BEFORE: lazy guy AFTER: lazy guy who had $129
2.
Jesus: and when there was but 1 set of footprints, there I carried u Me: (checks fitbit) ok, phew, it counted the steps, I still got credit
3.
FITBIT: You've done 11k steps today. ME: Ok, I'll rest some. FITBIT: stop now and I'll murder you ME: What? FITBIT: I SAID GOOD FOR YOU!
4.
Pro Tip: Make sure you wear your Fitbit on your dominant hand so you get credit every time you lift an ice cream cone to your mouth.
5.
*stomps feet during a tantrum, reaches fitbit step goal*
6.
*running from cops* Me: hey wait hold up if we're gonna do this i really should be wearing my fitbit Cop: yeah me too good idea
7.
[running from a knife wielding murderer] oh hell yeah, my Fitbit steps are gonna be OFF THE SCALE today
8.
Thanks to Fitbit, all my anxious pacing can be passed off as exercise.
9.
[during sex] Can you please take your Fitbit off.
10.
*points to wrist* this is my Fitbit. *points to rest of body* this is my fatbit.
11.
Puts fitbit on dogs collar. Throws the ball around. Sits on the couch and eat chips. Wins all the challenges
12.
My friend was rushed into surgery this morning, and she's still ahead of me in the fitbit challenge. Finally I can make my move.
13.
The good news about falling down the stairs is that my Fitbit counted it as a mile walk.
14.
I did laundry for 7 miles according to my Fitbit that I accidentally washed and dried.
15.
My favorite thing about @fitbit is that it takes so long to sync that it reminds me of dial-up and takes me right back to the '90s
16.
My fitbit is just the notion that I used to be fit, but only for a bit.
17.
My Fitbit just asked me if I wanted to talk about it.
18.
Forgot my Fitbit because it was charging and now it's like I walked for no reason.