This past December my boyfriend of ten years finally sucked it up and took a knee. The clouds parted, angels sang, and I got to flash my ring on Instagram like every basic white girl does and rightfully should. Everything was perfect: as if ten years of dating didn't already cement the fact that we were inevitably ending up together, I finally had the bling to prove it, bitches. And then we started planning the wedding *vomits everywhere*.
A little background info: I've never been the girl who dreamed about her perfect wedding. In fact, the idea of being *that girl* makes me want to throw myself into a river while simultaneously shitting my leggings. The only thing I've ever dreamt about was how many cats I would one day call myself "mom" to, and we now parent two little furry fuckers so I win? Dream weddings are for rich people. It took about .03 seconds of googling wedding bullshit before I considered eloping and I'm doing it whether my fiancé joins me or not.
1. Asking your parents for money.
2. Inviting your piece of shit uncle because family.
3. FUCKING FLOWERS.
4. Children. Children everywhere.
5. Wedding registries???
6. Literally just the amount of money in general.
All in all, weddings are dumb as heck and I'm most likely going to elope and have my entire immediate and extended family shun me forever. I'm cool with it. I'll have a shit ton of German Shepherds sleeping in my bed, covered in expensive Egyptian cotton sheets that I bought myself.