IN FRONT OF YOUR CRUSH:
"I will closely monitor what you drink and mimic it exactly so we are on the same level, because I don't want to screw this up. Also, I love you."
WITH YOUR FRIENDS:
"I will be the master here, I will drink more than all of you, and you will raise me up as a hero."
IN FRONT OF YOUR CRUSH:
"This outfit manages to say 'I didn't try at all' and 'DAMN I look good' at the same time. Eat it."
WITH YOUR FRIENDS:
"Hey, girls... Does this outfit make me look like I wanna get really, really drunk? Like...like, that's all I care about? Yeah? Perfect."
IN FRONT OF YOUR CRUSH:
"I'm doing my best to seem considerate, intelligent, confident, and open to kissing if that happens. I mean like whatever lol."
WITH YOUR FRIENDS:
"I'm about to be the loudest, rudest, most obnoxious person in this establishment. Are...you...ready?"
IN FRONT OF YOUR CRUSH:
"I will request your favorite song 30 times because my love makes me fearless."
WITH YOUR FRIENDS:
"I will request my favorite song 30 times because I have a spectacular lack of respect for DJs."
IN FRONT OF YOUR CRUSH:
"My moves are subtle and sexy, carefree and natural."
WITH YOUR FRIENDS:
"I have no regard for social cues or personal space, and, hey, I'm going to jump on top of that pool table now bye."
IN FRONT OF YOUR CRUSH:
"Shots!"
WITH YOUR FRIENDS:
"Shots!"
IN FRONT OF YOUR CRUSH:
"I'm going to complain about the 30 million dates I've been on lately, and how none of them are working out because everyone just, like, SUCKS, you know? No one is, like, good. I'm trying to convey that you are good, OK?"
WITH YOUR FRIENDS:
"Hello and welcome to my nonstop stream of talking about my crush. Rest assured this will end with me sobbing alone at the bar, OK?"
IN FRONT OF YOUR CRUSH:
"Greetings, stranger! I'm going to speak with you in a friendly manner now, so that my crush sees that I'm a winning person. If my crush gets jealous, that's even better!"
WITH YOUR FRIENDS:
"You can't be in our group get away now."
IN FRONT OF YOUR CRUSH:
"I want to make it abundantly clear to you that I am going directly home and having an early night so that I can work out in the morning...unless, of course, you need to be accompanied to your doorstep, where I will respectfully depart after wishing you a good night."
WITH YOUR FRIENDS:
"Food."
IN FRONT OF YOUR CRUSH:
"Hey, want to go to that farmers market and maybe ride bikes lol?"
WITH YOUR FRIENDS:
"Ah, a beautiful Sunday which I will spend under the covers, group-texting with my similarly hungover friends."