1."My grandma was, bar none, the worst cook ever. We would try to sneak the food to the dogs, and they wouldn't eat it. Have you ever had peas, jelly, mayo, and spaghetti...salad? Casserole? Well I have. And it was hell. My grandpa made one hell of a donut, and his beef pasties were awesome though."
2."One time I 'helped' my mom cook lamb chops. By 'helped' I mean that I seasoned and grilled all of them to a nice medium. My mom then 'finished' the lamb chops. By 'finished' I mean my mom dumped a bunch of Chardonnay on them and put them in a 400-degree oven for exactly as long as it takes to ensure lamb chops are well done but also that no alcohol cooks out of the wine."
3."My father tried to make sticky rice by replacing the water with Allen's apple juice. That was..."
4."I grew up during the '80s self-improvement craze when fat-free was blasted on everything. This was when they invented fat-free 'cheese,' a substance that is almost, but not quite, entirely unlike cheese. Imagine melting yellow Fisher Price plastic over your steamed broccoli, and you get the idea."
5."Boiled ribs and potatoes. That’s it. No seasoning. Just boiled. Ribs. And. Potatoes."
6."Pressure-cooking unseasoned chicken three times as long as it's supposed to be cooked, which leaches the bulk of the flavor into the broth. The broth must have been saved for posterity, because we never saw it again; just the skinless, tasteless chicken."
7."Veggies were boiled to mush or 'roasted' to black. Not the nice charred-black, but actually burnt-black. No seasoning other than water or oil. If they were making a recipe that needed seasoning (herbs/spices/good stuff), they'd half it. Being teased with hints of flavor was worse than eating bland food."
8."My dad thinks all spices are interchangeable. I was teaching him a rice dish I had learned with Mediterranean-inspired flavors. Parmesan cheese, rosemary, thyme, garlic, lemon juice, maybe throw in some basil. Very simple, easy to do in a rice cooker without even getting another pot dirty. He said he was going to try to make it right away."
9."My mom cooked everything to DEATH. I was accused of being the pickiest eater in the world until I grew up and ate properly cooked food. She only ever steamed vegetables (for much too long), except carrots, which she roasted until they somehow got both shriveled and slimy. Pork chops, chicken, "steak," burgers, all cooked exactly the same: baked at 350 for 30–45 minutes. I thought I hated SO MANY THINGS! But no, my mom just didn't know what she was doing. Which is weird, because my grandmother was a cook in a very high-end restaurant. 🤔"
10."I didn’t think I liked steak until I was in my 20s on a date. Turns out steak can be delicious when it’s not a brown rubber puck."
11."My mom used to boil asparagus. It would be so tough and chewy that you couldn’t swallow it. I taught her how to roast it in the oven a few years ago. She hasn’t gone back."
12."My great-grandmother was a terrible cook, so my grandma grew up thinking that burgers were supposed to be black crisps. She liked it that way, so my poor mother grew up being forced to eat charcoal briquettes. No one dared tell my grandma that they were burned until she found my mom's stash of old burgers stowed in the closet, covered in ants."
13."Oh boy, let’s see. My family has eaten the same 10 or so meals switched in order 5 days a week for over 20 years. There’s no variation. Ever. The recipes are usually casseroles in which my dad will burn unseasoned hamburger meat/unseasoned any kind of meat and throw it together with undercooked pasta, put some cheese on top and throw it in the oven until burnt. Repeat ad nauseum forever."
14."My grandma made this dish called Easter egg casserole, which was basically rainbow-colored leftover hard-boiled eggs, mayo, egg noodles, and a little sugar. The foulest thing I have ever had the misfortune of tasting. The devil definitely won that Easter."
15."Let's just say my grandmother makes a 'chicken pot pie' that includes spaghetti and water chestnuts."
18."My dad cooked flounder filets in brown beef gravy that was from an envelope."
19."This isn’t the worst case scenario or anything, but just this Thanksgiving I had been boiling down some homemade stock for gravy. Had everything timed perfectly, I was literally measuring out the flour and grabbing butter (which is why I wasn’t at the stove). My dad walks up, pulls a gallon of water out the pantry, and starts pouring it in without saying a thing. I notice, yell “STOP,” and he gets all confused, having already added 1/4 gallon with full intent to continue. He says, “What, it was running out of liquid?” I just let out a massive sigh and proceed to boil it down for another 20 minutes. At least it was water and not something worse."
