Being watched while I sleepTouchingGetting told that being white is a sinHearing about Jack GrimesFake Sex Noises at 9amJewish boys who love their mothersPeople who refuse to eat their fishLying about lovePutting their boyfriend on a leashGoing to ChipotlePretending to not be an EECS majorAnnoying emails from Hall Ass.
An asian middle schoolerHaving to move during sexFratagoniasHousingAthlete's Foot"Accidental" Meat in your Taco BellConnor's IndependenceModerate LiberalsSandals, Sneakers, and other non-bootsAngry wild boarsBarkingKeysA clean roomA dry rush
Thanks for sharingSomething's fishy...Let me ask my momNo time for talk. Pour bleach down their throatYell at themPass your bluntOffer to play some naked baseball in the hallHelp him break up with his girlfriendPlay frozen for them on the piano
Being too PCBeing addicted to bootsBeing a bitchBeing an A-B-JiChapped LipsGetting your stoner floormates written upBeing a simian tornadoMaking out with random Jews at Pi-KapNot giving a secret santa presentSmoking up the wazooNot halling enough A$$Not sleepingBeing too savageBeing a vagetarianNasally fetishizing his carForcing your dog and/or boyfriend to live with youAmbivalenceSlamming drawers at 7:00 amThe Bear Market Mac and Cheese DietComing back drunk every night
Give them functioning condomsHide ArjunTake away their penis pumpMake him eat his fishGive them the bootCall UCPDGet her blacklisted at the local synagougeHide his weedTake away her 10-inch heels, boba, and eyelinerMake a Pablo Escobar jokeCall the IRA on his businessMake him talk to youGive him a good looking tattooInvite Agatha to CalIgnore her for more than 1 minute
"I yell because I care""Three strikes and you're in my bed""I'm getting outsourced to India""When two men with one nut share their nuts, it's nut covalent bonding""Are people up for Taco Tuesday""Yo wassup dude wanna smoke?""There's a snake in my boot""Why won't Alan love me""Today in Urdu Zeeshan said hi to me""What the shit. Why am I failing CS?""Guys shut the fuck up. I'm trying to play guitar." *Meows*"The Cavaliers are the best basketball team on the planet""Wanna go to bear market?""Jesus give me wheels""Wait guys...""I'm recognizing my privilege by calling out yours""Because when I was a lad, I had a pet gerbil. One day I gave him a bath and I dried him in the microwave. My gerbil clawed at the door, but I thought he was trying to wave "hi". It didn't end well, but it was "well done".""I think I'm gonna fail my EE midterm""That's not the invisibility potion, that's zyklon B""Is Ketki safe? Don't leave Ketki behind""Let me tell you about the time I fell down the stairs""I'm in a happy and loving relationship""I thought he wanted to suck on Riley's toes or something""The shower's already warm, come on in Holly""It's 10:20, it's my bedtime. Fuck. Me. Uuuuuup.""i just want to watch everyone fail around me while I succeed""Ben I will never date you. Stop asking."
BleachThe superpowers she gained from all those K-DramasHer drug cartelA water gun filled with acetoneAn army of singing picklesHis face, contorted into a rage from all the regectionsYou thought we were gonna say a boot. But actually it's her glareCollectivizationHer blog's massive followingIndicaWhatever he can pull out of his voluminous 'doA killer appBoiling Matzah Ball SoupWedgesSassHis newly straightened teethAlondra's RageHe'd try to avoid conflictPee in a bottleWet paper towelsDannyHe wouldn't have a weapon, but you'd still be scaredA 3d printed uMeticulous psycological researchConnor's Bottled TearsA leg (In his ass)Mrs. Kenny's right armz
Who Is Your Floor 1 Rival?
This eecs goddess can be found turning Adam's floppy disk into a hard drive, downloading his deepest darkets secrets, and sharing them with the world. Careful she might code you into the same fate.
When it's not her office hours, Nadia is constantly hanging annoying health worker memos on your door, having loud, moist, aggressive sex with Zeeshan, and destroying her roomates' hopes and dreams with her clumsiness. Keep an eye on your drink, it might be spiked with bleach.
This SOPi sister can be found haunting the halls at 4AM searching for any leftover lambdas and trying to come down from her latest drug experiment. Don't cross this fratty fiend or she might stab you with her 10-inch heels
This ChemE, soon to be ChemF, can be seen studying in his room, stalking Alan, and preparing to strike. Once Alan goes down, beware. You're next.
He knows when you've been sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been Ben or good, you'll be pushed into a train. Hey!
This marginalized male memer can be seen near your local middle school creepily stalking the nearest ABG, be it Brittany, Kathleen, or Agatha. If you're not asian (or Connor) you're safe, but otherwise, beware he might just be wearing your skin.
Boots! Boots! Boots! This bootyful lady can be seen seducing the nearest KA boy. Wearing her aviators and planning her next kick, be sure to be on the lookout, this RBF isn't just resting.
Trigger Warning: Reading this will probably trigger Hannah. This special snowflake can be seen giving the cold shoulder to any boy, be it Hakon or Rory. She might be rolling her eyes, but look into her heart and its as hard as stone. Don't fall in love with this seductress.
Whether she's talking about Jack Grimes, or Jack Grimes, this chatterbox will make your ear bleed with her constant BIG stories and lovers laments. Don't befriend this eager minx!
When he's not skirting out of secret santa gifts, Eric can be found buying, selling, and smoking the great ganja. While he might be destroying his Hamilton singing voice, this a-cappella aficionado is always down to blaze.
When he's not gabbing with Gabby or romping with Riley, this master biologist is always gracing floor 1 with the smell of a new strain of weed.
When he's not getting wet with Holly or getting hazed by MDB. This daring developer can be seen getting it on on the jumbotron with rally com. Don't be surprised if he's caught flashing his dick ;)
When she's not looking for the next Larry David to marry, this horny pre-law student is preparing to sue her enemies.
When asked what she wanted to do with her life, she replied: "not fail math". But sadly, she's probably going to fail at that too. This crazy Columbian is feared since at any moment she could snap, rip out her nose-ring, and stab the nearest bitch.
When she's in the lounge everyone runs away out of fear of being roasted. When she's in her room even Rudy won't dare come near. Watch out or Michelle will destroy you to the core.
After whipping out his fingers and pointing out his target, this brace-faced baboon is always ready to ape out. Once he gets his braces off, he'll be able to eat whole bananas again.
When he's not lasting two minutes with Riley, this Daily Cal copy-editor can be seen trying to figure out if sex can be used as a verb of the form: "Sex, sexed, sexing". If you make a grammatical error, you know he'll destroy you, so watch out.
Whether he's swimming in the Aqua-Delt pool or feeding his roids to his fish, you better watch out because this Asian tornado might rage out.
Hey batter batter, hey batter batter, swing! And a miss... just like these guys when they try to pick up girls. This dynamic duo doesn't even deserve a roast, they embarrass themselves.
Dylan's scary sidekick, don't even try getting dinner with this one. He'll just ignore you, get you drunk, and get you written up for drinking in the lounge.
Some say he's too nice to roast, but to that I say, have you ever talked to him? While he's nice on the outside, everyone knows it's a facade so he can discover your biggest weaknesses and pass them on to Danny so he can do the dirty work.
While he might seem tied to Katelynn in every way, this slave is ready to revolt! He's taken those skinning jokes to heart and is planning to do the same to every member of floor 1. Make sure Katelynn doesn't let him out of her sight.
Going to RSF 12 times a week definitely builds up some huge muscles. His diet's not the only thing he's tracking, he's also tracking how many girls have stepped into TDX (0) and YOU.
She might start crying whenever Katelynn yells at her, but don't take that as a sign of weakness. This wicked witch was in it for the long con and plans to destroy Katelynn soon, just you wait!
If it was legal to make Connor carry her around in a litter she would do it. Instead she has to resort to forcibly moving him and Adam into her babe cave and using them as her personal manservants. Watch out, you could be next! (She just posted a roommate ad)
A member of the Jewish Avengers, Captain Schmear can be found buttering up his enemy before his mom moves in for the kill.
When he's not torturing Adam in his ground floor dungeon, this greasy gestapo can be found plotting his next enemy's demise. Watch out for this vile Virginian!