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Who Is Your Floor 1 Rival?

Which rowdy floor one member should you challenge to a duel?

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  1. What's your biggest pet peeve?

    Being watched while I sleep
    Touching
    Getting told that being white is a sin
    Hearing about Jack Grimes
    Fake Sex Noises at 9am
    Jewish boys who love their mothers
    People who refuse to eat their fish
    Lying about love
    Putting their boyfriend on a leash
    Going to Chipotle
    Pretending to not be an EECS major
    Annoying emails from Hall Ass.
  2. What's your rival's biggest weakness

    An asian middle schooler
    Having to move during sex
    Fratagonias
    Housing
    Athlete's Foot
    "Accidental" Meat in your Taco Bell
    Connor's Independence
    Moderate Liberals
    Sandals, Sneakers, and other non-boots
    Angry wild boars
    Barking
    Keys
    A clean room
    A dry rush
  3. Your rival wants to make peace, what do you do?

    Thanks for sharing
    Something's fishy...
    Let me ask my mom
    No time for talk. Pour bleach down their throat
    Yell at them
    Pass your blunt
    Offer to play some naked baseball in the hall
    Help him break up with his girlfriend
    Play frozen for them on the piano
  4. What's the absolute WORST quality a person can have?

    Being too PC
    Being addicted to boots
    Being a bitch
    Being an A-B-Ji
    Chapped Lips
    Getting your stoner floormates written up
    Being a simian tornado
    Making out with random Jews at Pi-Kap
    Not giving a secret santa present
    Smoking up the wazoo
    Not halling enough A$$
    Not sleeping
    Being too savage
    Being a vagetarian
    Nasally fetishizing his car
    Forcing your dog and/or boyfriend to live with you
    Ambivalence
    Slamming drawers at 7:00 am
    The Bear Market Mac and Cheese Diet
    Coming back drunk every night
  5. How would you smite your rival?

    Give them functioning condoms
    Hide Arjun
    Take away their penis pump
    Make him eat his fish
    Give them the boot
    Call UCPD
    Get her blacklisted at the local synagouge
    Hide his weed
    Take away her 10-inch heels, boba, and eyeliner
    Make a Pablo Escobar joke
    Call the IRA on his business
    Make him talk to you
    Give him a good looking tattoo
    Invite Agatha to Cal
    Ignore her for more than 1 minute
  6. What's something your rival would say?

    "I yell because I care"
    "Three strikes and you're in my bed"
    "I'm getting outsourced to India"
    "When two men with one nut share their nuts, it's nut covalent bonding"
    "Are people up for Taco Tuesday"
    "Yo wassup dude wanna smoke?"
    "There's a snake in my boot"
    "Why won't Alan love me"
    "Today in Urdu Zeeshan said hi to me"
    "What the shit. Why am I failing CS?"
    "Guys shut the fuck up. I'm trying to play guitar." *Meows*
    "The Cavaliers are the best basketball team on the planet"
    "Wanna go to bear market?"
    "Jesus give me wheels"
    "Wait guys..."
    "I'm recognizing my privilege by calling out yours"
    "Because when I was a lad, I had a pet gerbil. One day I gave him a bath and I dried him in the microwave. My gerbil clawed at the door, but I thought he was trying to wave "hi". It didn't end well, but it was "well done"."
    "I think I'm gonna fail my EE midterm"
    "That's not the invisibility potion, that's zyklon B"
    "Is Ketki safe? Don't leave Ketki behind"
    "Let me tell you about the time I fell down the stairs"
    "I'm in a happy and loving relationship"
    "I thought he wanted to suck on Riley's toes or something"
    "The shower's already warm, come on in Holly"
    "It's 10:20, it's my bedtime. Fuck. Me. Uuuuuup."
    "i just want to watch everyone fail around me while I succeed"
    "Ben I will never date you. Stop asking."
  7. What's your rival's weapon of choice?

    Bleach
    The superpowers she gained from all those K-Dramas
    Her drug cartel
    A water gun filled with acetone
    An army of singing pickles
    His face, contorted into a rage from all the regections
    You thought we were gonna say a boot. But actually it's her glare
    Collectivization
    Her blog's massive following
    Indica
    Whatever he can pull out of his voluminous 'do
    A killer app
    Boiling Matzah Ball Soup
    Wedges
    Sass
    His newly straightened teeth
    Alondra's Rage
    He'd try to avoid conflict
    Pee in a bottle
    Wet paper towels
    Danny
    He wouldn't have a weapon, but you'd still be scared
    A 3d printed u
    Meticulous psycological research
    Connor's Bottled Tears
    A leg (In his ass)
    Mrs. Kenny's right armz

Who Is Your Floor 1 Rival?

You got: Samarpita

This eecs goddess can be found turning Adam's floppy disk into a hard drive, downloading his deepest darkets secrets, and sharing them with the world. Careful she might code you into the same fate.

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You got: Nadia

When it's not her office hours, Nadia is constantly hanging annoying health worker memos on your door, having loud, moist, aggressive sex with Zeeshan, and destroying her roomates' hopes and dreams with her clumsiness. Keep an eye on your drink, it might be spiked with bleach.

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You got: Kathleen

This SOPi sister can be found haunting the halls at 4AM searching for any leftover lambdas and trying to come down from her latest drug experiment. Don't cross this fratty fiend or she might stab you with her 10-inch heels

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You got: Aidan

This ChemE, soon to be ChemF, can be seen studying in his room, stalking Alan, and preparing to strike. Once Alan goes down, beware. You're next.

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You got: Eduardo

He knows when you've been sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been Ben or good, you'll be pushed into a train. Hey!

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You got: Ben

This marginalized male memer can be seen near your local middle school creepily stalking the nearest ABG, be it Brittany, Kathleen, or Agatha. If you're not asian (or Connor) you're safe, but otherwise, beware he might just be wearing your skin.

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You got: Boot Girl

Boots! Boots! Boots! This bootyful lady can be seen seducing the nearest KA boy. Wearing her aviators and planning her next kick, be sure to be on the lookout, this RBF isn't just resting.

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You got: Hannah

Trigger Warning: Reading this will probably trigger Hannah. This special snowflake can be seen giving the cold shoulder to any boy, be it Hakon or Rory. She might be rolling her eyes, but look into her heart and its as hard as stone. Don't fall in love with this seductress.

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You got: Deeksha

Whether she's talking about Jack Grimes, or Jack Grimes, this chatterbox will make your ear bleed with her constant BIG stories and lovers laments. Don't befriend this eager minx!

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You got: Eric

When he's not skirting out of secret santa gifts, Eric can be found buying, selling, and smoking the great ganja. While he might be destroying his Hamilton singing voice, this a-cappella aficionado is always down to blaze.

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You got: Faisal

When he's not gabbing with Gabby or romping with Riley, this master biologist is always gracing floor 1 with the smell of a new strain of weed.

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You got: Boris

When he's not getting wet with Holly or getting hazed by MDB. This daring developer can be seen getting it on on the jumbotron with rally com. Don't be surprised if he's caught flashing his dick ;)

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You got: Kaetlyn

When she's not looking for the next Larry David to marry, this horny pre-law student is preparing to sue her enemies.

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You got: Laura

When asked what she wanted to do with her life, she replied: "not fail math". But sadly, she's probably going to fail at that too. This crazy Columbian is feared since at any moment she could snap, rip out her nose-ring, and stab the nearest bitch.

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You got: Michelle

When she's in the lounge everyone runs away out of fear of being roasted. When she's in her room even Rudy won't dare come near. Watch out or Michelle will destroy you to the core.

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You got: Avery

After whipping out his fingers and pointing out his target, this brace-faced baboon is always ready to ape out. Once he gets his braces off, he'll be able to eat whole bananas again.

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You got: Arjun

When he's not lasting two minutes with Riley, this Daily Cal copy-editor can be seen trying to figure out if sex can be used as a verb of the form: "Sex, sexed, sexing". If you make a grammatical error, you know he'll destroy you, so watch out.

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You got: Victor

Whether he's swimming in the Aqua-Delt pool or feeding his roids to his fish, you better watch out because this Asian tornado might rage out.

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You got: Jack and Thomas

Hey batter batter, hey batter batter, swing! And a miss... just like these guys when they try to pick up girls. This dynamic duo doesn't even deserve a roast, they embarrass themselves.

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You got: Danny

Dylan's scary sidekick, don't even try getting dinner with this one. He'll just ignore you, get you drunk, and get you written up for drinking in the lounge.

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You got: Dylan

Some say he's too nice to roast, but to that I say, have you ever talked to him? While he's nice on the outside, everyone knows it's a facade so he can discover your biggest weaknesses and pass them on to Danny so he can do the dirty work.

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You got: Connor

While he might seem tied to Katelynn in every way, this slave is ready to revolt! He's taken those skinning jokes to heart and is planning to do the same to every member of floor 1. Make sure Katelynn doesn't let him out of her sight.

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You got: Kevin

Going to RSF 12 times a week definitely builds up some huge muscles. His diet's not the only thing he's tracking, he's also tracking how many girls have stepped into TDX (0) and YOU.

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You got: Riley

She might start crying whenever Katelynn yells at her, but don't take that as a sign of weakness. This wicked witch was in it for the long con and plans to destroy Katelynn soon, just you wait!

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You got: Katelynn

If it was legal to make Connor carry her around in a litter she would do it. Instead she has to resort to forcibly moving him and Adam into her babe cave and using them as her personal manservants. Watch out, you could be next! (She just posted a roommate ad)

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You got: Adam

A member of the Jewish Avengers, Captain Schmear can be found buttering up his enemy before his mom moves in for the kill.

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You got: Pablo

When he's not torturing Adam in his ground floor dungeon, this greasy gestapo can be found plotting his next enemy's demise. Watch out for this vile Virginian!

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