This Is What The 2017 Oscar's Red Carpet Should Look Like

Dear Hollywood, you can give your stylists the night off as I have so graciously taken it upon myself to choose looks from the 2017 couture collections for you all. Oscar best dressed list - silver platter - take it. You’re welcome. Ps. To the men, just wear Tom Ford. Seriously. Pps. Elie Saab & Zuhair Murad feature heavily as they really do have red carpet gowns down pat.

Emma Stone.

Let's start with Emma Stone. She is nominated for Best Actress for the film La La Land.

Two options; Both Elie Saab.

Honestly, Stone looks great in beaded, body hugging column numbers, so either of these gowns would be divine. The blush tone of the first would look especially gorgeous with her hair colour & skin.

Natalie Portman.

Up against Stone for best actress is Natalie Portman. She is nominated for her role in Jackie.

Christian Dior or Elie Saab.

Given that Portman is the face of Dior Parfums, it seems likely that she would choose a look from the house. In all honestly I thought the Dior couture collection was rather blah, however this black gown IS pretty attention grabbing. It's sleek, it's sexy, it's Oscar winning actress worthy. As an alternative the beaded lace gold Elie Saab gown would also be AMAZING on her.

Ruth Negga.

In all honesty, I have no idea who this person is, however she looks pretty fierce. Negga is also nominated for Best Actress for the film Loving.

Zuhair Murad or Valentino.

If Negga wants something more traditionally Oscar worthy, the Zuhair Murad gown is classic yet modern. However my money is on the ethereal Valentino number. With her hair & badydoll eyes this floaty masterpiece would be a vision.

Nicole Kidman.

Kidman is nominated this year for Best Supporting Actress in the film Lion. But lets face it, she'd be at the Oscars regardless looking amaze coz thats just what she does. She's Hollywood royalty.

Zuhair Murad or Jean Paul Gaultier.

Although Kidman is BFFs with Karl Lagerfeld, the Chanel collection was just more of the same like it is every damn season, & Kidman is not one to shy away from something a little more interesting. That said this Jean Paul Gaultier outfit is really in my opinion THE ONE. It's bold, it's bright, it's ever so slightly severe. It's PERFECTION for her. On the other hand, this Suhair Murad confection would just as easily look flawless on her.

Naomie Harris.

I have no idea who this girl is either BUT she does cut a striking figure & she is nominated for Best Supporting Actress for the film Moonlight.

Zuhair Murad.

Harris seems to like vivid colour choices so either of these AMAZING Zuhair Murad gowns would look spectacular on her. The colour palettes would look great against her skin tone & both gowns are just unusual enough whilst still being elegant.

Michelle Williams.

I've never really had much of an opinion on Williams. She kinda just fades into the background for me, but she IS nominated for Best Supporting Actress for the film Manchester By the Sea.

Francesco Sconamiglio or Elie Saab.

I LOVEEE this ruffled Francesco Scognamiglio gown & think its just the thing to bring Williams out of the background & into the spotlight. It IS however a risk so the more tradition but still GORGEOUS Elie Saab look would be a great alternative.

Cate Blanchett.

Jason Merritt / Getty Images

More Hollywood royalty. Blanchett isn't nominated but it's likely she will be in attendance, looking statuesque & the picture of elegance.

Zuhair Murad or Armani Prive.

Blanchett is the face of Armani's Si fragrance so she would probably choose from Armani's Prive collection. If so, I'd put her in this look. It's unusual yet elegant & the colour would look radiant on her. This Zuhair Murad gown would also look bomb on her. The neckline & sleeves alone just scream her name.

Jennifer Lawrence.

I've never really seen the fascination with Lawrence. I'm not saying she shouldn't have won an Oscar, but I think she is very overrated. Regardless she will most likely be there this year.

Christian Dior or Elie Saab.

Like Portman, Lawrence is a face of Dior & has chosen Dior for many a red carpet event. This gown was really the only other look from the collection that I could even be bothered to look at. It's perfectly pretty though. The Elie Saab is also perfectly pretty but also more elegant & mature, which honestly, I think Lawrence could benefit from.

Lady Gaga.

Gaga has become an Oscar regular in the last number of years, so I think it is safe to say she will once again grace the red carpet.

Zuhair Murad.

Based on the looks Gaga has worn to previous Oscar ceremonies, I have chosen these two Zuhair Murad gowns. Both attention grabbing, both elegant af and both perfectly acceptable for a best dressed list.

Jennifer Lopez.

Anything important & worth going to, you can bet your ass that Jenny from the block is there. Looking FLAWLESS. Wiping the floor with your faves.

Zuhair Murad.

It's go hard or go home with JLo & each of her Oscar looks in the past have been knockouts. She is also a fan of Zuhair Murad so really THIS gown is the ONLY choice & she is the ONLY person on the face of this earth that could & should wear it. Why? Because she on some next level glamorama otherworldly shit.

Just take my advice kids, wear what I tell you & everything will be fine. xxx