Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs. While many try their best, some parenting behaviors can actually be more toxic than good and affect children in the long run. The BuzzFeed Community shared their thoughts on this topic, and here is what some had to say.
1. "Forcing a child to hug or kiss you. I once hadn't seen my 7-year-old nephew for a long time and asked if he wanted to give me (a 41-year-old female) a goodbye hug when my sister and he were about to leave. He was very hesitant. I said, 'It's okay if you say no,' so he quietly said, 'No,' and I affirmed his decision by saying, 'Hey that's cool, so I'll just wave you goodbye then,' and he BEAMED and waved enthusiastically."
2. "Just because kids will hear some bad words at school or on TV doesn’t mean they need to hear their parents use them. I didn’t swear at my kids, and no one was allowed to use ‘bad language’ in front of them."
"Neither kid ever used any type of profanity in front of me until they turned 18. It wasn’t a law; we just didn’t communicate that way."
3. "Something that was very damaging to me as a kid was emotional manipulation. I also grew up in an abusive home, but despite the more volatile stuff, some of the most difficult stuff to manage was just the constant guilt-tripping and accumulation. 'Look at everything I do for you, the least you can do for me is X.'"
"Do not do things for your children (or anyone for that matter) expecting something in return. Do things for them because you love them and want to see them thrive."
4. "I feel like people should tell kids they can be most things, and then give them a road map to get there and explain the difficulties and challenges they as individuals might encounter along the way. That way they will know when to keep going and not get defeated, and also recognize when it’s something that they might not want to continue pursuing."
5. "Spanking your children. It’s difficult for me to accept that some parents still think it’s okay to use violence to discipline. It’s the 21st century, people. Catch up."
6. "The biggest thing to think about when trying to keep kids a healthy weight is teaching them portion control. As someone who was a tubby kid themselves and consequently has a perpetual struggle to stay a healthy weight, there are things I wish I had been taught were okay as a child. For example, I was always rewarded for finishing my plate — this encourages overeating and ignoring feelings of fullness."
7. "We try not to comment on kids' appearance at all. They'll get enough of that in other places. If we talk about their appearance, it's us commenting on how creative or stylish their outfit is or how their smile just brightens the room."
8. "The biggest advice I have for parents (I have a 13-year-old) is to parent the kid you have, not the kid you think they should be. Not every kid is the same, and not every parenting style works all over the spectrum. Each child is different, and you need to adjust your parenting around who they are. This really applies as they get older, not so much as toddlers, of course."
9. "If your child is having trouble with homework, don’t raise your voice at them about it, even if you’re frustrated. This is how you kill their trust, breed fear of failure, and make it harder for them to ask for help from others."
10. "The wide range of zero boundaries, zero self-awareness, zero self-control in front of kids — speaking rudely and/or behind someone's back, calling oneself or someone else dumb, excessively discussing finances and personal problems, putting down the other parent, and so on."
11. "Sharing everything your kids do online. They cannot consent as kids, and it doesn’t matter how cute or funny it is; send it to your family as a text if you have to, but please don’t put it on social media."
12. "Teaching kids how to act in public is a big one for me. I see kids as old as 10–12 sitting in carts staring at an iPad while parents are shopping in Target. If your child is already 10 years old and cannot handle a trip to Target without a screen, how do you expect them to survive in the real world? Kids don't need constant stimulation like that. Let them be bored once in a while."
13. "Don’t say, 'Just wait 'til your father gets home' or something similar regarding punishment. It makes the kid afraid of their dad, or at least dread him coming home every day."
14. "It’s perfectly normal, age and developmentally appropriate for a 2-year-old to have a meltdown. Don’t be that person who judges a parent for their toddler having a meltdown."
15. "I promised myself I would never treat my kids' feelings like my mom did mine. She is a good mom, but up until I was 15, she would never take my feelings seriously. Whenever I would cry about something or be upset and tell her how I felt, instead of comforting me like a mother should, she would tell me things like, 'Oh, don't be so dramatic' or 'Oh, come on, get over yourself!'"
"She would literally get mad at me for being sad about something. To this day, I have a lot of difficulty opening up to people, even my very close friends. I'm always scared they are going to think I'm exaggerating or being a drama queen. I never want my kids to feel that."