People Are Sharing What Prevents Them From Approaching Someone They're Interested In, And This Insight Is Really Interesting
"In my experience, if a guy's interested, he'll do the initiating. If they're not making the effort at the start, they won't be making the effort later."
It can be a daunting task to approach a complete stranger, strike up a conversation, and potentially ask them out.
I came across this thread that asked women, "What stops you from initiating a conversation or relationship if you're interested?" The responses provided a lot of insight into this. Here is what some people had to say.
1."Because I used to do it, and it all backfired. If a guy's interested, he'll do the initiating. If they're not making the effort at the start, they won't be making the effort later. That's my experience anyway."
2."Fear of rejection and uncertainty that they're interested, appropriateness of the time and place. Or just I'm interested slightly, but not that interested."
3."If I don’t know him well, then not knowing if he’s taken already."
4."If I have to make the first move, I'm not interested. I like men who go after what they want. I've also found that men will 'take what they can get' as a placeholder. They may not be super into you, but if you're pursuing them, they may still take the offer because it's easy access to sex, companionship, and the general emotional and social labor that women do. But they'll always be on the lookout for someone they like better. Women in general have enough issues with putting more effort into their relationships than men do, I don't see why we should have to put in the effort of starting the relationship in the first place as well."
6."In my early 20s, I hit on guys several times (I was very 'get what you want or don't complain' at the time) and asked them out. Every single time, they thought I just wanted to hook up, or they thought I wanted to trick them somehow. Even explaining that I was really asking them out was just met with distrust and more attempts to get me to hook up instead. So I stopped doing that. They just thought something had to be wrong with me to ask them out."
7."I would not ask a guy out in a group where he could feel pressured to answer a certain way, but that’s about it. That would wait until others wandered away. Conversations are always fair game. I don’t think I would have had the confidence in my 20s or early 30s. But now? I have zero qualms about it."
8."If I express interest or flirt and they give me mixed signals back, then I often will back off. I used to like people more if I had to chase them, but now, it feels really bad to me."
12."I might talk to someone at a social gathering if I'm interested in them, but I've never asked out anyone on a first date and never will. It's just a turn-off."
