Having insecurities in any relationship — whether it's a committed partnership or a marriage — is normal. Being a female, I most often hear what other women worry about or fear in a relationship with their partner. But I've also always wondered what men's thoughts are on this topic.
I found my answer when I stumbled upon a recent Reddit thread where redditor u/Forsaken_Zucchini420 asked, "Fellas, what is your biggest insecurity as a boyfriend or husband and why?" and the range of responses was unexpected. Here are some of them.
1. "I quit my job to pursue my dream of owning my own business. But it's going to take a long time to get there, so right now, I'm just a stay-at-home dad. I thought it'd feel awesome being at home and being with my daughter while my wife works. And it is awesome with my daughter each day but, man... I feel kinda crappy now being a stay-at-home dad, like I'm not doing my part as a husband and father."
2. "That I am not good enough, in any sense of the word, and that my partner is 'just settling' because I'm stable. Can't help but feel sometimes they're just waiting for something better to come along, ya know?"
3. "The lack of money that I make."
4. "I play with my daughter all the time, but at the end of the day, she always prefers her mom."
5. "That I cannot fix every problem [my partner] has and that I am not always the problem when they’re upset. I have to let them be upset and understand it’s not always me — it’s OK to just listen to them."
6. "That when she says, 'It's OK,' it's not OK."
7. "That I'm not worthy of her. She's the total package, and I'm just...me. What makes it really crazy is that we have been together for almost 34 years, and I still feel this way. In no way, shape, or form has she shown me that this might be true. She's literally the perfect partner."
8. "Giving them the feeling of not being there for them enough. I tend to be very quiet and introverted. I've been told several times that I'm too much in my head and that they have the feeling I'm not 'actually there.' But I try to work on it and be more open about my feelings and stuff."
9. "Not knowing why they would ever love me. There must be another reason, and it can't be money."
10. "That one day, out of seemingly nowhere, they’ll no longer care for me. And when it happens, it hurts."
11. "The fact that I’m about to be a stay-at-home dad, and her parents keep bothering me about what I’m gonna do. She’ll make significantly more than I ever could, and there’s literally no point in me working anymore. I just don’t like being judged."
12. "I know I work my butt off at work; I'm emotionally supportive. I'm always setting goals to lead the way to what’s next in life. However, there’s always that voice that says, 'You need to be more; it’s not enough. Try harder.' So, I push the living hell out of myself."
14. "That I will never find a woman as awesome as the one I just buried. I miss my best friend."
15. "For me, it's feeling like I'm a drag on my partner's life. I have several health issues that leave me in extreme pain. I'm constantly sleep-deprived and without any energy or motivation to do anything besides lay in bed and watch TV or listen to music while cuddling with my girlfriend. Meanwhile, my girlfriend is a perfectly healthy, energetic, and full-of-life young adult who wants new experiences and doesn't want to spend a minute more than she needs to resting."
"I try my best to keep up, and if I can't do a certain activity she wants to try, I actively encourage her to do whatever it is she is wanting to do — go to an amusement park, go on a road trip, go-carting, activities like that — with her friends. At the end of the day, the unavoidable truth is I am a damper on her life, and I don't see why someone like that is willing to be in a relationship with someone like me."
16. "She’s such a better parent than I am. Between my temper and my size, both of my girls have this 'don’t piss off dad' mentality. It’s effective in the heat of the moment, but I watch her interacting with them, and I feel completely inadequate as a parent."
17. "The fear of not continuing to make the money I do. Over time my life has become dependent on my income, but it’s rare to get paid the way I do. So I genuinely fear not being able to find a job to keep my obligations in check. And before you say that I could downsize my life, I did. I have no debt, but because my ex and I were married for so long, she gets about two-thirds of my paycheck. I’m legally obligated to pay her that."
18. "Why pick me when you have 50 other opportunities at a moment's notice?"
19. "I'm an athletic guy, but I'm constantly scared of not being able to protect them; if some 250-pound Muay Thai fighter disrespects or hurts her, then I have no idea what I'd ever do."
20. "Being unemployed. I didn't get renewed on a yearly contract and can't get hired in my field. I have no motivation to do other things. I take care of the kids and homeschool them and do the shopping and most cooking. I feel like I am free-loading. I hate sports and other guy stuff. I am scared of our upcoming move because it is taking away my backyard and its chores, my tools, and workshop, which are the last 'male' things I do."
22. "The amount of attention she receives. In my head, I can't compete with any of the guys who openly go after her. And I genuinely think she would not give me the time of day if she didn't have a child I am great with."
23. "I can accept breakups or divorces, but I wouldn't want to be remembered as a bad boyfriend or a terrible husband by the way I treated them in the relationship."
24. "Other men making her uncomfortable by flirting with her on a girl's night out — or even worse — her liking it. Just the fact that I only can know if she tells me, or somebody that I know sees it, makes me insecure."
25. "Dying young and having another man raise my children and fuck my wife. It's all the encouragement I need to live healthily."