As we go through life, hindsight is always 2020. As a 30-year-old woman, it's easy for me to reflect on life and wish I did things differently or knew things sooner but that's all a part of growing and becoming more life-experienced. I love this Reddit thread I came across that asked women about valuable lessons they learned that they wish they had known when they were younger (since we all have them). Get a pen and paper out because here are some great things women shared:
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
1. "You should put your feelings first. A Ted Talk I watched described how we are always so concerned about other people liking us and we mold ourselves that way, that we forget to ask ourselves if we like them."
2. "Not all women who call themselves your mentors are your allies. Some of them are insecure and are unwilling to let other women around them succeed."
3. "Don’t chase. Don’t try to convince. Don’t settle."
"I heard a quote a couple of months back and it truly changed my outlook on dating: 'I don’t chase. I attract. What belongs to me, will simply find me.' It’s not much but has helped take the pressure off of how I approach dating.'"
4. "I know this sounds cliché, but as a woman, I've found it to be deeply true and powerful — we're women, honey. We don't find the strength. The strength finds us."
"Each and every time I've had the 'I don't know how I'm going to survive this' thoughts, somehow, I find a way to keep going. How? I don't know. But I do. And I've read so, so, so many similar (or more harrowing) stories from other women. Somehow, the strength always continues to find us."
5. "To love myself first and foremost. I feel like it is a common thing for a woman to learn to put others’ needs before ours, and I wish I knew earlier that it doesn’t work that way."
6. "Love isn't hard and doesn't hurt. If you're with someone who seriously hurts you, either intentionally or through carelessness, that's not love. Being in love with the right person is the easiest thing in the world. If you've got to fight to make it work, it fundamentally isn't working. Yes, there can be hard struggles, as life is hard. Supporting each other through life's hurdles can be easy. Caring about how the other person feels can be easy. If you think the person you love hurts you, (regardless of their intention) and you tell them it hurts you, they won't do it again if they really love you."
7. "Your self-worth is not defined by a man wanting to sleep with you."
8. "Your body will keep changing, learn to accept that. If he really wanted you in his life, you would be in his life. You'd never have to guess. Be conservative with your trust in others, don't trust people liberally. Don't settle."
9. "Being kind and generous is important, but treat it like an oxygen mask on an airplane. Give it to yourself first, and then if you can give it to others. I ran myself dry always giving and then starting to resent not receiving. One day a light bulb went off that resentment is about me — not everyone else. And I started giving back to myself and DANG was it a game changer!"
10. "Know the signs of an abusive relationship and don’t waste your life being in one."
11. "Decide what YOU really want now and for your future. It doesn't have to be detailed. Just a general idea of what you are and are not willing to have in your future. Then make the big decisions accordingly."
12. "You don’t have to be polite when someone is being creepy. 'No' is a complete sentence."
13. "Adult friendships shouldn’t be difficult. Sometimes the thing we need most is the thing we’re resisting or not attracted to initially. Surround yourself with people who put effort in. Do an audit of your relationships every few years and allocate your time to those who reciprocate. Words mean nothing. Actions are everything. Sometimes you can’t see the light through the clouds but it’s always there."
14. "Take care of your body first. Try becoming healthy. Eat fresh and nutritious foods. Mark your cycles in an app or calendar and monitor them closely. Do yoga and stretch. Do strength training. Go on long walks. Meditate. Breath deeply. Be active. Prioritize sleep over people. Drink a lot of water. It keeps your skin healthy."
15. "Wear the damn bikini or bathing suit. Everyone is so obsessed and worried about their own body and trying to hide their insecurities that I promise, they’re not at all concerned about your stretch marks, body hair, or imperfections. We all have them. You’ll instantly be more attractive from the sheer confidence about not having a care in the world."
