Sex can be messy, awkward, and downright weird sometimes. Reddit user u/EvilXGrrlfriend asked people to admit the biggest mistake they've made while having sex, and I appreciate the honesty (and humor) in the thread's many responses. Here is what some people admitted:
1. "I moaned like a pirate while he went down on me. Straight-up went, 'Aarrghhh.'"
2. "He asked me, 'Who’s a good girl?' and I said, 'You.'"
3. "I fell asleep once during 69, while on the bottom. I was working two full-time jobs, plus commute time between work. She asked, 'Are you asleep?' I said, 'No, you know I work a lot, I’m just taking a break.' 'You were snoring!' I have yet to think of a good comeback for that comment, and it’s been 40 years."
4. "I stayed in the same position at an awkward angle because my wife liked it. Now, a month later, I still can't jump and have some trouble on stairs because I have some gnarly strain in a part of my leg muscle."
5. "I mistook a large birthmark for a tattoo. I complimented it."
6. "I told my girlfriend my dream was to have sex on the beach. She wanted to fulfill my wish, so we went to a beach resort, woke up early, and found a secluded spot. We did our thing...and got covered in flea bites."
7. "My girlfriend is a homemade-salsa enthusiast. Inadequate handwashing led to a jalapeño handjob. Do not recommend."
8. "Used whipped cream in foreplay. Looks great in films, but it just makes a greasy mess — even after you lick it off."
9. "Not me, but my wife. Many drinks were had one night, followed by wild sex, during which she wanted anal. It was going great until she suddenly wanted to give me a blowjob. I pulled out, and before I could go wash up, she went for it and immediately puked all over my junk. That killed the mood for the night."
10. "I went for a hard spank while she was riding me, mistimed the up-and-down strokes, and slapped myself in the balls."
11. "Halfway through, she remembered it was her dad's birthday; it was about 9 p.m. The sudden tightening nearly turned my meat into a pencil."
12. "I'm getting ready to do it, and I'm all pumped up, ready to put it in, and suddenly I thought about something else. I got anxious, nervous, and suddenly went soft and didn’t end up having sex."
13. "I said her sister's name."
14. "The label made the warming lube she bought seem like a good idea. Fast-forward 30 seconds, and each of us is curled up and moaning in a solitary agony ball."
15. "I got head after my girl had spicy Cheetos. My dick almost went back inside my body."
16. "One time, my ex was house-sitting for her boss. She invited me to sleep over, and we were sleeping in their bed. We decided to fuck, but for some reason, this time I decided to pull out. Out of the hundreds of times we had sex, I can count on one hand how many times I pulled out, and this was one of them. Well, I pulled out and came all over the fucking bed. Huge sex stain square in the center of the sheets. My ex was PISSED. But we ended up laughing about it, especially after her boss ended up being a huge asshole."
Have you ever done something weird during sex? If so, share your story with me in the comments below!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.