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19 Reasons Cats Are Better Than Dogs

Most people think that this is still an open question, but these indisputable scientific facts clearly show that cats have the edge. #TeamCat

1. Cats are better athletes.

Here is a standard picture of a dog attempting to catch an easy goal in ultimate frisbee.

... and here is a picture taken right after a cat has executed an impressive reverse steal by employing the wedge defense.

2. Cats have a better business sense.

Here is a picture of a dog taking out his last few dollars of savings to buy treats that he doesn't need ...

... meanwhile, here's a cat using a trendy Japanese piggy bank to deposit some money she earned trading derivatives in the OTC market.

3. Cats will not try to eat your baby.

When you leave a dog alone with a baby for even one second, they begin to think that it must be snack time ...

... whereas cats make excellent and responsible babysitters. Some babies who are nurtured by cats even learn to play new instruments, and in a few cases, to speak foreign languages.

4. Cats know how to follow directions.

5. Cats do not believe in conspiracy theories.

Here are some dogs who are convinced that their tinfoil hats will protect them from mind-reading by the government ...

... and here is a cat who is merely wearing a tasteful aluminum headpiece because it is the latest fashion.

6. Cats have more impressive jobs.

These dogs are making sure their ties are on straight so that their boss over at the dog food factory doesn't dock their pay ...

This is their boss.

7. Cats have a better eye for interior design.

This picture shows what happens when you let your cats design a home ...

Meanwhile, dog-operated interior design firms are struggling to find a niche in the market.

8. Cats are more talented pole dancers.

Here is a picture of a dog after a grueling and demeaning day working the pole at a local strip club.

Here is a picture of a cat after only five minutes at the same club.

9. Cats are better at hugging.

Compare, for instance, this maudlin play for the tawdry attentions of the lowbrow ...

... with this heartfelt, private moment of sincere loyalty and affection.

10. Cats know what to do when they find a bucket.

These dogs are confused and scared, and they are using every last ounce of their brain capacity to rue the day that they ever found themselves in a bucket.

Alternatively, here are some cats who are completely and radically reinventing the very notion of "bucket," with an impressive combination of brainpower, tenacity, and positive thinking.

11. Cats are more refined dinner companions.

Here is a dog yucking it up with the locals at a local greasy spoon.

... and here is a cat who has just immensely enjoyed a collette-supreme-aux-choux-fleurs, but who was so fascinated by the dinner conversation about Habermas's Dialectic Of Enlightenment that he has completely forgotten to save room for his creme brulee.

12. Cats are more gifted scholars.

13. Cats have more practical and creative personal grooming solutions.

14. Cats are better at their jobs.

Here's a photo that was taken of a cat just after she decided to employ more negative space to create tension and dynamism in the logo she is working on.

This dog's computer is not plugged in.

15. Cats don't kiss asses ...

... Asses kiss them.

16. Cats don't mistake themselves for a flower.

17. Cats are more gifted chess players.

This photograph shows a cat who is memorizing Capablanca's greatest chess endings by playing them through against herself.

And this is a picture of a dog who is attempting to use the Sicilian defense against a Queen's pawn opening. By a cockatiel.

18. Cats know how to have fun at a slumber party.

These cats rented Dirty Dancing for their slumber party.

These bulldogs rented Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights.

This also happened.

19. Cats are better drivers.

This picture shows a cat expertly negotiating rush-hour traffic on her way to put out a house fire.

These dogs are all drunk.