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The 30 Most Important Cats Of 2012

Warning: Some of these cats will break your heart.

30. "I'm Having a Bad Time" Cat

29. Shishi-Maru

28. Stalker Cat

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Before you pass judgment, let me ask you this: Are we not, in our own way, all stalker cats, creepily watching the universe sleep as we wait for it to feed us the breakfasts of our souls?

27. Push-Up Coach Cat

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"Persevere!" says Push-Up Coach Cat. "Also, may I lick your hair?"

26. "Stop Looking at My Girlfriend" Cat

25. Lamp Cat

24. Yawning Asshole Cat

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The next time fate casually knocks your things off the dresser of your life, think of Yawning Asshole Cat and remember that fate, too, literally does not give a single fuck about your things or your life.

23. Glasses Removal Cat

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"For now you see through your glasses darkly; but then face-to-face. Now you know in part; no seriously, pay attention to me. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Pay attention to me. Hey."

—This cat

22. Restraining Cat

21. Admiral Jenkins

20. Hedgehog Mom Cat

19. Hank

18. Venus, The Chimera Cat

17. Cat Pushing A Small Cart

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The clocks have all stopped; the curtains have closed; the last star has winked out of existence; and a cat pushes a small cart across the empty stage, upon which a dying universe has strutted and fretted to the end.

—Pretentious poem

16. The Cat Who Is Planning Something Evil

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"And lo, the cat did look about herself rather shiftily, and verily was evil brought into the world and hidden, forthwith, under the bed."


15. Weather-Interrupting Cat

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As the devastating effects of climate change become ever more apparent, it is imperative that someone do something about the weather. This cat is that someone, but her something is probably not that something, if you see what I mean.

14. Mail Cat

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Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays this cat from stealing your mail and hiding it somewhere.

13. Chris Hansen Cat

12. The Kittens Watching Tennis

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Tennis is a complicated, deeply nuanced game, but these unbelievably precocious young feline fans of the sport have somehow captured its entire essence.

11. The Cat Who Is Best Friends With A Grandma

10. The Cat Who Sits Like A Human

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Pretty much anyone can spend a lazy day sitting around and watching the world go by, but it takes a true pioneer to really innovate in the field. Put more stupidly, this cat is the Einstein to the essentially Newtonian sitting around that you were doing before he came along.

9. The Cat to Whom a Drunk Man Sang "Kiss From a Rose"

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"When the drunk man that is existence sings 'Kiss From a Rose' to the cat that is essence, being itself is born, violently, out of nothingness."

—Jean Paul Sartre

8. Shopping Cart Cat

7. Spider-Man Fridge Cat

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Spider-Man Fridge Cat laughs in the face of your antiquated notions about "gravity" and "Euclidean space." "Pshaw!" says Spider-Man Fridge Cat, when you try to pollute her mind with mystical garbage about the fundamental laws of the universe.

6. I Should Buy a Boat Cat

5. Alarm Clock Cat

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"All ideologies constitute a subject, and the act of 'hailing' or 'interpolating' an individual as a subject can best be reified by incessantly dinging that thing on the back of their door."

—Post-structuralist Marxist theory about this video

4. Colonel Meow

3. Henri, The Existentialist Cat

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In a cosmic sense, what does it even really mean to be ranked the third most-important cat of the year?

2. Lil Bub

1. Grumpy Cat